Anyone that knows me knows that the holidays are an incredibly tough time for me. There are numerous reasons for this that are outside the usual reasons that people don’t like the holidays. The first is that I have enormous amounts of guilt that well up around Christmas and around February. Though it has gotten better with time, there still remains, the remnants of a guilt and a pain that stays with me. I am going to make a concerted effort this year to leave it where it is.
However, I have to say, as I said in my post about Christmas, this year did not feel very Christmassy to me. And no I am not bemoaning Santa nor sugarplum fairies. Instead for the first time in a long time it just didn’t feel like Christmas. And please don’t read that I didn’t enjoy the company that I was with for Christmas because that wasn’t the case either.
Instead I got to begin my Christmas, as the above titled post suggests a less than stellar tongue lashing from the owner of my restaurant. And yes, the saga continues. Today after I was done work (truthfully I don’t even know what the purpose of being open was but not my call) Chef said that he wanted to see me before I went. I knew why and I took a deep breath as I changed.
We went out the side door and Chef asked what was up. I basically recounted for him what I did for you my readers. I told him that I felt that both my professionalism and my honour were attacked in the same breath. Anyone who knows me can tell you quite clearly that there are two things in my adult life that I am very proud of, one is my word and the other is my professionalism. I have done jobs which would make even the toughest stomached person fold. And I have done it with a smile on my face (98% of the time) and always acted in the highest possible professional standard. Thus when someone attacks my professionalism I am left at odds with that person.
To make matters even worse. I have a bad back. If I was Sir Smoke a Lot in “Half Baked” believe me the doctor would say that I need a backiotomy. I have a sciatic nerve pinch. This is a condition which usually causes extreme pain down one leg or the other from the coxic to the heel. Well I have the great fortune of suffering from pain in both anytime there is a ten degree jump in less than a twenty four hour period. It is excruciating and today it is killing me.
Thus while we are having the conversation it was plain as day on my face that I was both pissed at the situation and in incredible amounts of pain. As we spoke I made it quite plain that I felt I had been wronged. He made it plain as day that it is okay for me to feel that way but that I need to be able to swallow certain things. LIKE WHAT, should I bend over too? It is one thing to attack a persons professionalism if it is warranted BUT IT IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT MATTER TO ATTACK ONES CHARACTER.
I pointed out to Chef that while I feel I have been treated less than stellar in other circumstances in my culinary career never have I felt so angry, so jaded, so wronged as I did in this case. A talking down to, in a very inappropriate way, in front of my colleagues. INAPPROPRIATE. He did agree that I have had an exceptional culinary learning. That I am a quick study and super intelligent. But I still had a ways to go. Of course I agreed. I said that even forty years from now I will have more to learn in the kitchen. But in no way does that excuse how I was treated.
So now, I need to have a conversation with the owner. Let him know how I feel and then react to how he responds. I am already quite sure of how he will respond. At which point I have two choices, to continue working in an environment where the owner has no respect for either me as a person or as an employee OR TO LEAVE. Chef made it very clear that HE knows I can leave there tomorrow and get a job at any restaurant in the city. In truth the only thing that keeps me there currently is my professionalism and my respect for Chef.
So again, at Christmas time, I am left with a bad taste in my mouth. I am left considering my immediate future and my long term strategy to get to where I want to go. Who knew the kitchen would have so much to do with politics and chess?
I apologize, I think I just needed to vent now so I don’t fume tomorrow.
The Scottish writer William Shenstone once wrote; “Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into a power which can move the whole world.”
True.
Are you dreaming big and inspired?
A la prochaine
SDM
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Christmas and New Years (file under reflections)
For what seemed like the first time in a real long time I did not spend Christmas with my family. For what seemed like the first time in a long time the family was spread all over the world (mostly Canada but also Malawi). It left me a little sad as I thought back to the obnoxiously loud celebration of Christmas, Solstice, Hanukah, Kwanza or Chrismahannakwanza.
I spent most of Christmas and the ensuing day asleep. More out of a deep body tired than anything else. Catching up on much needed rest. Of course I did do a ridiculously large bone in Prime Rib which I’ve included pictures of.
I spent a lot of time, as I am now, considering what the next year holds. C and I are going to get married. She is going to finish year one of her training at Stella Adler. I am going to finish year two of my hands on training and be one step closer to realizing my goal for my fortieth birthday. While I think about the sadness of not being with my entire family at Christmas I also thought about the joy of dreaming and the result of action.
My purpose which seems to have manifested both through my culinary journey and my ability to put to paper what the journey has been like is a source of pride for me. It marks the first time in my life that I have accepted that which I can not change. I WAS MADE TO DO THIS.
I guess the ultimate purpose of this post is to wish that all of you find joy and happiness through your friends and families in the coming year as well as personal success in whatever your dreams are. If you have not as yet designed, deciphered or discovered what your dream is, there is no time like the present to try and figure out what it means to you.
Dr. Seuss once said; “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Are you dreaming big and inspired?
A la prochaine
SDM
I spent most of Christmas and the ensuing day asleep. More out of a deep body tired than anything else. Catching up on much needed rest. Of course I did do a ridiculously large bone in Prime Rib which I’ve included pictures of.
I spent a lot of time, as I am now, considering what the next year holds. C and I are going to get married. She is going to finish year one of her training at Stella Adler. I am going to finish year two of my hands on training and be one step closer to realizing my goal for my fortieth birthday. While I think about the sadness of not being with my entire family at Christmas I also thought about the joy of dreaming and the result of action.
My purpose which seems to have manifested both through my culinary journey and my ability to put to paper what the journey has been like is a source of pride for me. It marks the first time in my life that I have accepted that which I can not change. I WAS MADE TO DO THIS.
I guess the ultimate purpose of this post is to wish that all of you find joy and happiness through your friends and families in the coming year as well as personal success in whatever your dreams are. If you have not as yet designed, deciphered or discovered what your dream is, there is no time like the present to try and figure out what it means to you.
Dr. Seuss once said; “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Are you dreaming big and inspired?
A la prochaine
SDM
Monday, February 18, 2008
What a week (file under category long and filled with knowledge)
So I got to work early (or so I thought). Last week when I went for a drink with Head Chef he told me that I was at work every day at 10 until close. So when I walked in yesterday I was late and there were more than a few annoyed people. Though when I explained I hadn’t even looked at the schedule and was going on what Head Chef told me they relaxed a bit and told me that every Sunday is a 9 am start. I filed it into the memory banks and will make sure that I am always there at 9 or before (as I usually am early). Also ALWAYS CHECK THE SCHEDULE!
So I was rushed the moment I got there. I started setting up for brunch as set up had already started. R and I made sure that everything was just so. I went out for a smoke as we finnished and it was time for service. Again I was at the station, cutting protein, making waffles and omelettes. And here a funny tale…
On Sunday, even with no sleep (as I generally am not sleeping much now) as with every other day I am extremely perky. Or at least what people read as perky. In fact it is just the happiness in my soul radiating outward and I guess people read that as perky. Some may try to break that out of me but it won’t happen. Long time ago when I was training in Karate my Sensei and I would have marathon sparring sessions. After one particular session, which was physically painful and quite grueling, I limped to Sensei’s office and said; “You know Sensei, you can break my body but you will NEVER break my spirit.” I am applying the same belief at Reservation. My body may get cut, broken, beaten and tired, but my spirit is never going to break. As I like to say, A funny thing happened on the way to my dream. So now the funny…
When at my station I beam. There are several people that comment on it each week and as I’ve said I reply that living your dream has that affect. So I was picking up my knife to carve some roast beef. Part of setting up the station includes having a rag to wipe of the blade (and I use two knives, one for each protein). You do this because as someone that works in a kitchen the knife is one of your best friends. You treat with the utmost respect and ensure that it is both sharp and clean. So I set up my rag and every once in a while the knife will stick to the rag. So I go to pick up my knife and it sticks to the rag. As I don’t hold the knife with a ridiculous amount of pressure it did a back flip and caught my left hand right in between by thumb and forefinger. I immediately stepped away from that station. Covered and pressured the cut and went to the kitchen to clean it and put on a glove.
But think about how the universe has to conspire to have a knife do a back flip and then cut the same hand that you were trying to pick it up with. I just laughed (another badge of dream living). I went into the kitchen and Chef J looked at me and asked how I could possibly get cut on my working hand. He just looked at me amazed and then laughed. I proceeded to clean the cut and bandage it. Put on a glove and then right back to my station. All told I was away for three minutes. Such is the life I’ve chosen to live. But really, a back flipping carving knife cutting your good hand. Whose ever heard of such a thing happening.
Later Head Chef explained to me that I should have been using a damp rag and that I can potentially fold it so that if I had to I could have sixteen different folds. Head Chef is kind of like Socrates in the way he teaches. His method is to let you learn by personal realization rather than beating you over the head with it. It is subtle but powerful and I have lots to learn from him.
After brunch was over we had to tear it down and start setting up for the big event that night which was a charity fundraiser with a professional sports team. I had to do the Mash potatoes, prep the buns and then work on Canapés with the Garde Manger S. She was having a rough day yesterday and I (being so slow) certainly wasn’t helping. But she, like everyone else there is better than a machine. I asked her how long it took her to get quick and she said she wasn’t sure but that it comes in time. The night before she was really helpful to me as well and she explained that it was because she joined the kitchen just like me and had to go through the same things. In this industry, there is a reason that you rise the way you do. You have to experience everything in order to learn it, appreciate it and then appreciate those that have come before and after you. I was grateful for her help.
So to do about one hundred pounds of Mash took me about half an hour to mix up and then put into hotel pans (I will explain all the pans tomorrow.) After that it was a push for about two hours on canapés. Again for every plate I put out she put out two or three. Once I know how everything works speed will naturally develop. But right now I feel like some hoofed animal with no grace. Sometimes a bull, other times a horse and sometimes an ASS. But I know I will get there. Just put my head down and keep going. Mental acuity is one of the most important things in this industry and I am now training my mind to be ready for the future.
The event was a few hours after which we all tore down. Cleaned up and put everything away. As A was leaving for his stage tomorrow we all went out for a drink. Prior to leaving Head Chef sent the kitchen staff some beers as a thank you for our hard work. It was greatly appreciated. I had a glass of wine that A broke (nice red wine) but then had to drink white as there was no more open red.
Going out with everyone from work is awesome. These people are all highly motivated and want to be better. Not only that but they are like a family. I won’t give details of the conversation but Head Chef (who had another commitment but still came to send A off). First when he walks in he says hello to everyone. Then goes to the bar and buys everyone a drink (We were not allowed to buy him one and even if we had wanted to he instructed the staff to not allow it to happen). While having the drink I watched and listened intently as Chef dissected a certain situation for S. Listening to him do this so plainly revealed much to me about the environment I was in and especially how certain things all go together.
I asked Head Chef about the environment. What I had just witnessed. And how it is they do it. He explained that we are like his family. That it is important for the family to function. That like any family there are going to be events, crisis, etc, but that we need to deal with them and move on. I really like this man. He is only a couple of years older than me but MUCH wiser. TIME AND EXPERIENCE.
Watching the whole “family” be jovial, laughing and talking I really felt that I was part of something much bigger than myself and that I too had something to contribute. A funny thing happened on the way to my dream.
I now physically understand what both Exec and Head Chefs meant when they said take your days off. When I got home I couldn’t even get undressed I was that tired. I sat down to watch TV for a bit and was asleep within minutes. I slept until 11 am.
Confucius once said; “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” That is what is happening for me right now and I believe that is what is happening in the kitchen. We are learning through food how to be better people and I know that my heart is in the right place now, for the first time in my life.
I truly hope that you all have an inspired tomorrow. As you sleep tonight dream a little dream about where you want to go tomorrow. When you wake up take the first step toward it. You’ll be amazed what happens.
A la prochaine.
SDM
So I was rushed the moment I got there. I started setting up for brunch as set up had already started. R and I made sure that everything was just so. I went out for a smoke as we finnished and it was time for service. Again I was at the station, cutting protein, making waffles and omelettes. And here a funny tale…
On Sunday, even with no sleep (as I generally am not sleeping much now) as with every other day I am extremely perky. Or at least what people read as perky. In fact it is just the happiness in my soul radiating outward and I guess people read that as perky. Some may try to break that out of me but it won’t happen. Long time ago when I was training in Karate my Sensei and I would have marathon sparring sessions. After one particular session, which was physically painful and quite grueling, I limped to Sensei’s office and said; “You know Sensei, you can break my body but you will NEVER break my spirit.” I am applying the same belief at Reservation. My body may get cut, broken, beaten and tired, but my spirit is never going to break. As I like to say, A funny thing happened on the way to my dream. So now the funny…
When at my station I beam. There are several people that comment on it each week and as I’ve said I reply that living your dream has that affect. So I was picking up my knife to carve some roast beef. Part of setting up the station includes having a rag to wipe of the blade (and I use two knives, one for each protein). You do this because as someone that works in a kitchen the knife is one of your best friends. You treat with the utmost respect and ensure that it is both sharp and clean. So I set up my rag and every once in a while the knife will stick to the rag. So I go to pick up my knife and it sticks to the rag. As I don’t hold the knife with a ridiculous amount of pressure it did a back flip and caught my left hand right in between by thumb and forefinger. I immediately stepped away from that station. Covered and pressured the cut and went to the kitchen to clean it and put on a glove.
But think about how the universe has to conspire to have a knife do a back flip and then cut the same hand that you were trying to pick it up with. I just laughed (another badge of dream living). I went into the kitchen and Chef J looked at me and asked how I could possibly get cut on my working hand. He just looked at me amazed and then laughed. I proceeded to clean the cut and bandage it. Put on a glove and then right back to my station. All told I was away for three minutes. Such is the life I’ve chosen to live. But really, a back flipping carving knife cutting your good hand. Whose ever heard of such a thing happening.
Later Head Chef explained to me that I should have been using a damp rag and that I can potentially fold it so that if I had to I could have sixteen different folds. Head Chef is kind of like Socrates in the way he teaches. His method is to let you learn by personal realization rather than beating you over the head with it. It is subtle but powerful and I have lots to learn from him.
After brunch was over we had to tear it down and start setting up for the big event that night which was a charity fundraiser with a professional sports team. I had to do the Mash potatoes, prep the buns and then work on Canapés with the Garde Manger S. She was having a rough day yesterday and I (being so slow) certainly wasn’t helping. But she, like everyone else there is better than a machine. I asked her how long it took her to get quick and she said she wasn’t sure but that it comes in time. The night before she was really helpful to me as well and she explained that it was because she joined the kitchen just like me and had to go through the same things. In this industry, there is a reason that you rise the way you do. You have to experience everything in order to learn it, appreciate it and then appreciate those that have come before and after you. I was grateful for her help.
So to do about one hundred pounds of Mash took me about half an hour to mix up and then put into hotel pans (I will explain all the pans tomorrow.) After that it was a push for about two hours on canapés. Again for every plate I put out she put out two or three. Once I know how everything works speed will naturally develop. But right now I feel like some hoofed animal with no grace. Sometimes a bull, other times a horse and sometimes an ASS. But I know I will get there. Just put my head down and keep going. Mental acuity is one of the most important things in this industry and I am now training my mind to be ready for the future.
The event was a few hours after which we all tore down. Cleaned up and put everything away. As A was leaving for his stage tomorrow we all went out for a drink. Prior to leaving Head Chef sent the kitchen staff some beers as a thank you for our hard work. It was greatly appreciated. I had a glass of wine that A broke (nice red wine) but then had to drink white as there was no more open red.
Going out with everyone from work is awesome. These people are all highly motivated and want to be better. Not only that but they are like a family. I won’t give details of the conversation but Head Chef (who had another commitment but still came to send A off). First when he walks in he says hello to everyone. Then goes to the bar and buys everyone a drink (We were not allowed to buy him one and even if we had wanted to he instructed the staff to not allow it to happen). While having the drink I watched and listened intently as Chef dissected a certain situation for S. Listening to him do this so plainly revealed much to me about the environment I was in and especially how certain things all go together.
I asked Head Chef about the environment. What I had just witnessed. And how it is they do it. He explained that we are like his family. That it is important for the family to function. That like any family there are going to be events, crisis, etc, but that we need to deal with them and move on. I really like this man. He is only a couple of years older than me but MUCH wiser. TIME AND EXPERIENCE.
Watching the whole “family” be jovial, laughing and talking I really felt that I was part of something much bigger than myself and that I too had something to contribute. A funny thing happened on the way to my dream.
I now physically understand what both Exec and Head Chefs meant when they said take your days off. When I got home I couldn’t even get undressed I was that tired. I sat down to watch TV for a bit and was asleep within minutes. I slept until 11 am.
Confucius once said; “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” That is what is happening for me right now and I believe that is what is happening in the kitchen. We are learning through food how to be better people and I know that my heart is in the right place now, for the first time in my life.
I truly hope that you all have an inspired tomorrow. As you sleep tonight dream a little dream about where you want to go tomorrow. When you wake up take the first step toward it. You’ll be amazed what happens.
A la prochaine.
SDM
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