Us and Them (file under inherently different)

I touched on this in numerous earlier posts but I wanted to expand a little.

Working in a restaurant in a professional kitchen people fall into two types of categories. At least for me. Us and Them.

Us, we are the ones that cut, chop, dice and slice. Sear, grill, fry and blanche. We are the ones that are at the restaurant hours before it is even a thought in your mind. We are the ones who take the raw ingredients and with passion and with some know how transform the inherent beauty of that ingredient into something else. We are the ones who cajole, push, tempt and even sometimes threaten our ingredients demanding from them that they be the best damn thing that we can create. Us, we are the ones who drink, smoke, laugh, curse and make fun of one another, while standing over a searing piece of Foie Gras or Tenderloin or whatever. We are the ones that after a long day at work seek to let our hair down the same way as you but our manner is much different not to mention the hour. Us, we are the ones that choose or fate and celebrate it everyday and could never, I mean EVER sit behind a desk. Its not in our blood. And now after doing this for nine months I can tell you with no uncertainty that I have NO IDEA how I ever did sit at a desk.

Them – You, reading this. You are them. And them can basically be described two ways. Not us. And finally the ones that we seek everyday to wow, impress and tantalize. We are your servants and that is who we are. What we do truly is who we are. And you, THEM, are not us.

Pink Floyd once wrote;

Us, and them
And after all were only ordinary men.
Me, and you.

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Brunch, Grill & Celebration (file under Weekend Caper)

Yankees we truly were. I keep on repeating that because it is truly amazing what we accomplished. Without complaint. Without fail. We struggled, toiled, kept on going and got it done. Sunday morning at 8 am I awoke for the first time to discover that it was almost time for me to start working again. I finally started moving in earnest at 9. We had lots to get done.

It was absolutely gorgeous. The first Sunday in quite a while when it was beautiful. What that meant is that I had to get set for brunch and get the grill ready.

I was still going on adrenaline and the feeling of general euphoria for what we had accomplished. Executive Chef came in and you could see that he was tired. I have to say that I was truly amazed that he showed up at all and for me his stock went up yet again. For not only did he lead us through the battle of the past few days but he showed up on this day ready for more. Once I was certain that brunch was in good shape I started working on the grill.

I set up my station and prepped, corn and ribs, smoked turkey sandwiches, chicken skewers, burgers and nachos. Limited menu as my fryer was still over at the special venue from the night before.

The day started off slowly but then began to pick up steam. By the time that the rest of the team was finished I too was ready to drink some beer and revel but I had about another five hours to go before that could happen.

One of my regular customers came by and as we were speaking he remarked how what I did constantly was truly amazing. I don’t personally think it is all that incredible in the scheme of things. I mean we all have to start out somewhere though the last few days were truly inspirational. He told me that he had to run but that he was going to be back. You see the week before we had had a conversation about the state of world affairs and somehow landed on Cuba. He and I spoke about it for about a half an hour. Well on Sunday he told me that he was going to go for a bit but come back with something to reward me for my efforts. His kindness truly capped off what was an amazing weekend filled with some of the best Chefs in the country. Of which I still put my own, our Executive Chef just a little bit above. His leadership, his ability to reach inside you and pull out your best and allow you to shine to me is one of his best traits. But my regular customer, true to his word came back and handed me what he said was my tip from someone who recognized my efforts. I opened up the package to reveal a perfect specimen of a cigar – A Cohiba Churchill!

He looked right at me and shook my hand and told me to make sure that I enjoy it. And I will. But it was the perfect cap to a weekend that I feel defines who I am and what I am here to achieve.

I would like to take this opportunity to say congratulations to everyone of us that worked through this weekend and achieved greatness. Way to go guys and girls. I’m giving you all a big pat on the back. We displayed what we are and what we can achieve. AND I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD.

Charles de Montesquieu once said; “To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

Executive Chef you displayed your greatness this weekend and allowed us all to be great as well. This is a memory I will cherish forever.

I left my house at 6:45 am on Friday. Arrived at work at 7:30 am. I did not leave work until 10:30 pm on Sunday and through it all I found out that I am truly meant to be where I am. THANK YOU CHEF! OUI!

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Stagnation (or a note on manic thoughts that lead to elsewhere)

Stagnation.

stag·na·tion n
a condition of no movement, activity, development, or progress, or the process of becoming like this.

In the kitchen stagnation can be an attitude killer. It can be a drive killer. It can kill passion and create circumstance. In the kitchen stagnation can be something that creeps up on you like a stalker in the night and takes from you that which you hold most sacred. Stagnation can be that dream killer. Stagnation can be a vivid, horrible and transitional moment that leads to thoughts that lead away from where you are.

Stagnation in short, is where I am now. Although to my Executive and Head Chefs may not see it quite the same way I am at that moment. Where reality and dreaming come to a head. Where I need to consider what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

You will notice I’m not saying that I am going to abandon my dreams. That I believe any less in the fact that I am going to be, that I was destined to be, that I am becoming a great Chef. It merely is an illustrative term which for me describes the fact that I have learned almost nothing in the last month.

For the first few months I was a flurried student of the subtle kitchen nuance. Everything from cutting a certain cut to sharpening my knife was new to me. And exciting. And I must admit that a brunoise or a ceramic sharpener still excites me for my Mac Knives.

I’m sure that none of you look at what I am doing as a period of stagnation but that is because you are not living my reality every day. I am hungry. I WANT TO LEARN. I am capable of learning at a level that is far different from most people. Not better. Just different. I am a voracious reader. I am a student of life. I read books like Anthony Bourdain smokes cigarettes. I can process knowledge like John F. Kennedy processed the Cuban Missile Crisis. I am capable of so much more than I am doing now and that leads me to this horrible, insatiable, empty feeling of stagnation. But for the moment I take it with a smile and the knowledge that come September it all changes for me.

I think the reason that I am expressing this is so that anyone out there who is in pursuit of his or her dreams can understand that there are going to be moments of extreme elevation. Moments where the world seems so small below you because you are advancing at an unbelievable rate. And then there are the other times. The times when the taunts and jabs from your coworkers makes you feel small. Unimportant. Worse than shit on the bottom of the shoe. As if YOU don’t matter one lick.

One thing I am coming to understand and ADMIRE is that the kitchen is its own beast. The people within it operate to the beat of their own drum. Sometimes those around you share that perversion and at others not. BUT, the most important part is to remain true to yourself.

While I may be in a period of stagnation I think that is to be expected. Here I am a 33 year old newbie reaching for the stars. I have all the ability in the world to process knowledge but am in a period, I believe, where that knowledge is being put to the test.

Take for instance the grill. Ultimately all I can learn from the grill is how to do my Mise en Place. How to organize and set up my station. How to read a board. Speed. Timing. Delivery. These are all things that I have learned and that each week I fine tune from one to the next. I can appreciate what I am doing now without complaint but it bothers me that I am out of the kitchen. Out of my home. Away from the place that I pick up all kinds of knowledge that I am not being taught but rather stealing. I use the term stealing because it is not something they want me learning yet or even considering. But I pay attention. I look around. I watch. I LEARN.

So while I know that for myself I am in a period of stagnation I too know that others have been in the same spot that I am currently. AND I ADMIRE THEM. I can name them. I can learn much from them. But for now I am relegated to the minor leagues and my own personal hell. Which ultimately will bring me back to the kitchen.

I believe the line goes; “The winter of our discontent.” Only it is summer. I long to be back in the kitchen full time. To be able to show what I have learned. To work a station. TO SHOW WHAT I CAN DO and not out of some delusion of grandeur or ego.

I will be back with another post shortly. In the meantime consider this; Da Vinci once said; “Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation ... even so does inaction sap the vigour of the mind.” No one could ever accuse me of inaction. At least that is something. Right?

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

What’s holding you back? GO!

A la prochaine

SDM

The Grill (file under I’m not McDonald’s)

My loyal readers let me just tell you that working the grill for five days straight is enough to make anyone crazy. Of course when I saw the weather forecast I was excited at the thought that I might get a little break from it. But of course, what other profession can you be wrong sixty percent of the time and people still like you. Sometimes I think it must be great to be a weatherman.

Sunday started off brilliantly. As I got to work my bones were killing which is usually a sign that the rain is coming. Sure enough I started getting my prep ready and the skies opened up. I went to the Director of Operations and asked him what the plan was and he told me that he was closing me for the day no matter what happened. Of course I was glad that I would get to be inside working brunch acting as a runner. But as soon as brunch was close to being over the rethought their decision and decided that I would be open in an hour.

To give me an hour to get the grill station ready is not nearly enough time. Fortunately head Chef decided that I would be running a limited menu. That did cut down the prep time significantly but it was still a tall order to get me out in an hour. I think it ended up being an hour and twenty minutes. I was a little miffed at opening as I felt as if the sky was going to open up again at any minute but in fact it ended up being a fairly busy afternoon and after the first rush at five, I had another at seven thirty and then it slowed down significantly.

Monday was crazy. We had a private party for the International Language Academy of Canada. 700 kids, who are all learning English as a second language. At first Head Chef had said that it would be W and I working the grill alone. Within a few minutes it was obvious that we would not be able to do it alone. As such L and D came out and we started moving very well together. It really was like an assembly line which basically looked like this;

One of us was putting down the baskets that we would put the food into. We were doing this twenty five or more at a time. The next person would follow putting the buns into place. The third was putting down the lettuce and tomato as well as handing out the food and taking tickets. Of course L, being the machine that he is was working the grill and placing he burgers down on the buns. This mad rush continued for almost three and a half hours. NON STOP. It takes a lot out of you running at that speed. Not only were we doing burgers but we also had chicken fingers and fries as well as Empanadas. All of this done with one grill and one fryer. It was madness but we all kept our cool and got things done quite effectively. I loved having L out there with me because he and I can say things like left and right and the other knows immediately that the other is talking about. We work exceptionally well together.

By the time I was finished on Monday I got home around 2:15 am and then had to be back at work for Canada Day at 11 am.

Canada Day. First off Happy 141 Birthday Canada. I love this country and the many opportunities it has given not just to me but to all those who have come to this great country. I hope you all had a great day. Mine was a roller coaster which ended very badly emotionally.

The day started easy enough. I par cooked burgers and started moving over all the prep that M and I were doing. Again we were running a limited menu with Hotdogs, Sausages, Burgers, Chicken Fingers and Empanadas. None of us thought that we would be overly busy but man were we wrong. We were almost as busy as my six hundred order day. Almost but not quite. M and I worked well together once we found our rhythm.

The day was going smooth enough and I even got to have a cigarette or two. Most of the people that we work with were on site enjoying themselves and Canada Day. Head Chef was there, as was Director of Operations, A and lots of Front of House staff. Everyone was truly enjoying the weather, the music and of course the booze. I was having an alright day right up until around 5:50 pm.

There was a man in a wheel chair who was on site. I had seen him a few times throughout the day. His wife came to get a hot dog from us. It was a hot and humid day and she and her husband were spending time in the sun. After they had eaten I watched as the passed my station and I could see that something was just not right. I looked at the security guard and he sensed what I was looking at. I felt around in my pocket as my spidey sense was going off. Sure enough a few moments later someone came up and said that the man was in distress. Without missing a beat I opened my phone and dialed 911, the time was 5:58pm. I arrived where the gentleman was only as few moments later and could see that his eyes had rolled back in his head and that his tongue was sticking out. I relayed to 911 all the pertinent information and tried to take his pulse while a nurse that happened to be there started doing CPR in his chair. We decided that it would be better to get the gentlemen out of the chair and continue CPR. I directed the Security Guard to go to the entrance to guide the emergency vehicles in. I stayed on the line with 911 but was not feeling a pulse at all where only moments before it was there but really faint. He began to turn purple and I knew at that moment that it was too late. There was nothing that anyone could do for him at that point. I immediately made sure to get the wife sitting down and drinking a bottle of water trying to console her letting her know everyone was doing everything they could do. 911 thanked me for my calm and cool and let me know that I should just continue doing what I was and that it was okay for me to get off the line now that responders were on site.

I informed the emergency responders all the pertinent information and watched as they quickly transferred him to a stretcher while trying to get him breathing and clearing his passageway. I also made sure that security pushed everyone back from the scene.

After a couple of minutes they had moved him to the ambulance but I knew it was too late. I knew he was gone. I knew that he had gone as I was taking his pulse. But in an effort to maintain the relative calmness I said nothing.

I remember this one man, a complete asshole, who was wearing red biking shorts and a jersey who was in the way of the responders trying to tell them how to do their job. It’s funny what you recall at moments like that. I remember that I wanted to knock him out just to get him out of the way.

I lit a cigarette and waited for a responder to come and ask me a few questions. I asked what we should do with the wheelchair after identifying myself. She asked if we had somewhere that we could put it. I said yes and instructed site security to take it there. The effects of what had just happened had not really hit me yet.

The Director of Operations came over and asked me to give a statement to security. Which I did when he came over to me at the grill. The last thing I wanted to do after watching life fade away in front of me was sling burgers to somebody. I walked over to where Head Chef and everyone else was and said that I was going to have a smoke. I went into the cubby hole where we keep the ice machine, took off my hat and lit a smoke.

What goes through your head at moments like this. For me, no stranger to death, I started feeling badly for the wife. I felt badly that I could not do more. I felt horrible that I had in some way contributed to his death (not in reality but it is how I felt). I was reminded of my own mortality and how quickly it all can just go away.

D, who works front of house, walked up to me and could see that I was not in a great mental place and he said to me what does this tell us. That none of us are promised anything.

I finished my smoke and went back to work. Though I didn’t want to. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and start crying. I wanted to release all this angst, tension and thought that was balled up inside of me. I wanted to punch a wall. I wanted to punch the guy in the biking shorts. No I think I wanted to head butt him but you get the idea.

I spent the better part of the next five hours that I was working thinking about the events that transpired. I was really upset. Still today I am really upset. A and Head Chef tried to take my mind off of the events by really laying into me. A more than Head Chef, but as it was happening all I could think of was how someone died in my arms, effectively anyway. And how useless I felt. How there was nothing I could do differently. Though I took everything that was being said to me in stride I was in some sado-masochistic way grateful to not be thinking about the man on the cobblestones who died in front of me.

I did everything I could. I say this by way of not trying to convince you but myself. I am asking my employers tomorrow when I go back to work to pay for me to get my Life saving certification and to get a defibrillator on site. I feel with a defibrillator I could have saved him. But maybe that is just what I’m thinking and it is not true. But nonetheless I do plan on asking tomorrow.

So as you can all see I had quite a weekend. It was, quite the example of the ups and downs of the industry I have chosen to be in.

Another post is imminently coming. For now;

Marcus Aurelius once said; “Death hangs over thee, While thou still live, while thou may, do good” It’s how I feel. But I can still do good.

A la prochaine

SDM

Why 24?… All I need is another hour in the day PART 1 (file under trying to catch up)

So as you can tell I am so busy these days. I haven’t even been able to write my daily poems on butcher paper. From the moment I walk in to the moment I leave it is a non stop roller coaster ride of majestic proportions on the dream train of my life.

As I was yesterday I am currently trying to convince my fingers to type faster, to convince the universe to give me just one more hour in the day and my body to not succumb to its fervent desire to drop dead and sleep for three days straight. Adrenaline, coffee, cigarettes and PASSION are keeping me going but ALWAYS with a smile on my face because I can see clearly where I am going and how I am getting there.

This past weekend was INSANE. I have never worked so hard in my life. First off I figured out how to set up the grill properly, as I mentioned last week, it enables a more perfect workflow. Organization and speed are the name of the game when I am on the grill.

If you are not organized properly you will be in the shits from the second you open until the second you close. I know that many of you may think that I am just slinging burgers and that I even make the joke about McDonald’s but ultimately what I am doing at the grill is no different than what they do at Reservation. I am performing a food service that requires speed, accuracy and attention to detail. Currently I am planning a more perfect execution of my organization, attempting to figure out a better way to do what I am doing so that when I get into the shits I can pull myself out.

Speed is just as it suggests. I broke the record on the Grill on Saturday. We were part of the Luminato festival and the One City/ One Table celebration. As such we had approximately 60,000 people on site over the weekend. When you have that many people you have to plan ahead, be organized and execute with speed and accuracy.

I did (with only fifty minutes of total help) over six hundred orders all on my own. SIX HUNDRED. I did not go to the bathroom from 12 in the afternoon until 10:36 pm and had absolutely no break. At one point I almost fainted because the sun was kicking my ass and found myself sitting on the ground for two minutes trying to get myself back into the swing.

I get conflicting advice from people as to the way I run the grill. Chef J says that I shouldn’t speak to the customer at all and essentially he suggests that I should just be a robot and serve. However, I think (most respectfully) that he is wrong. I serve the way that I live; I am charming, passionate, caring and considerate. I interact with the customer for two reasons, one it leaves them with a great feeling inside and two because while I am interacting with them they don’t mind that they are having to wait a few extra minutes for what they’ve ordered.

As I’ve explained before I only have one fryer and that as a result it slows my progress in orders. If you have an order for eight chicken fingers you have to make 32 chicken fingers and eight orders of fries. Well in a small fryer that doesn’t keep temperature outside it is not as easy as you would think. I let the customers know that it may take ten minutes. Some leave and say they will be back; others stand there and wait. So as I’m taking orders and making orders I talk to people. Ask how their day has been, etc. It seems to keep the beast at bay if you know what I mean.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Should I be a robot or should I be me? I would LOVE TO HEAR YOUR COMMENTS!

So this is as far as my little fingers will take me today. I have to run to work and had to type as fast as I could just to get this out. I will try to get the rest of Saturday out tomorrow morning.

Calvin Coolidge once said; “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

Be Inspired and DREAM BIG!

A la prochaine

SDM

The Grill (file under its all about organization)

So my loyal readers, I bid you welcome to the week that was. First off I worked approximately 75 paid hours and another twenty unpaid and chalk on another fifteen in travel time. No wonder I’m so beat. At any rate. This is the weekend that was…

Moving everything from the Restaurant to the Grill is a bit of a pin in the ass. Both literally and figuratively. First off I need to assemble the Tuna Burgers, par cook the regular burgers, get all of the various sauces together, buns, etc and move it across the cobble stones from our building to the patio which is about one hundred meters away. This is done, at least in part, with a crappy old cart which has wheels that fall off and of course is not ideal for doing the task at hand. Then I need to move over my cutting board, fryer baskets, propane tanks, sheet pans, regular pans, all types of containers to keep things in and of course, ketchup, relish and mustard. These are but a few of the things that need to be moved in order to even begin to set up my station.

Friday night was all right. I opened at five (though Chef J wanted me there and ready to go at 4:30). By the time I was actually ready it was about 5:15. I worked solid until 11:30 at the grill and then had to do my breakdown.

Saturday, let hell reign down. Or up as the case were. I got in at 9 am and started working right away. I first thought that the burgers were probably the most important part to get done so I set to work par cooking ten cases of them. This ate up approximately an hour and a half. I then had to portion sauces, cut lettuce and tomato, make quesadillas, etc. I opened on Saturday at approximately 12:15 and went non stop with only two cigarettes the entire day until approximately 11:15 at which point I broke everything down.

Prior to that though the day had a pretty nice rhythm to it and I began to feel a little more comfortable. Once you get the cadence of your movement down the rest just comes down to considerable amounts of coordination and forethought. At one point I had about thirty orders on the go at the same time ranging from Empanadas to Burgers. A couple of times I really found myself so deep in the weeds I could barely think. Both times (around 3 and 5 respectively) Head Chef came and bailed me out. Of course to the uninitiated it looks as if Chef is tearing me a new one unnecessarily but to the uninitiated it would be impossible to understand what Head Chef is doing in the first place. The second time I found myself in the weeds I had announced that I was in the crapper and our pastry Chef heard and called Chef for me. I did not intend to say it out loud and it struck me when she asked if I wanted her to call Chef. He dutifully came over and got me out of the weeds and the whole time was imparting the necessary information I needed in order to manage the details, clean the station, take the chits, etc. All the while his hands were moving and it is a truly glorious thing to see. I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN but am learning things both new and old everyday that I am there. By the end of the night I was beyond spent. My fingers were swollen, I had lost about six or seven pounds due to the heat and I had calluses covering every part of my hand. BUT I LOVE WHAT I DO.

Sunday was again behind the eight ball from the get go. I came in and did all my prep and then proceeded to move everything over to the grill. Head Chef had told me that no matter how deeply I had gotten into the weeds that he COULD NOT come and save me. Nobody could as we were slammed at every restaurant and there were no bodies to spare.

This statement caused me to prepare for the worst and expect the best. Of course when you know from the outset that there is no bailing you out you do things differently. I adjusted the set up, where I kept my Mise en Place, where I accessed things, the grill, everything. I looked at the things that I had to do in order to make my life easier. To make everything move smoothly and with the flow. Naturally, there were a few moments that I was so deep in the weeds that I wished for nothing more than Chef to come and bail me out. But I handled it with good grace and a smile and the people were entertained.

Two things I learned from the experience is how easy it is to get into the weeds and more importantly, how, with a little bit of timing and effort, how easy it is to pull yourself out. I HATE BEING IN THE WEEDS. It messes with my head and starts me doubting things that I shouldn’t me doubting. But when you put yourself on autopilot and let self doubt slip away you’d be amazed what you are capable of accomplishing.

At my worst (or best point depending on your point of view) on Sunday I had about twenty orders going at the same time. If I recall correctly I had twelve burgers, three chicken fingers, two empanadas, two fries and a quesadilla. No big deal you think, save for the fact that the fryer only has two baskets and I had three different items that needed frying and people that were less than willing to wait. But, I started developing a method to deal with this going forward which involves par cooking enough fries for five or six orders and then just splashing them down in the fryer for about thirty to forty five seconds and then serving. Same with the chicken fingers. It seems to work but I still need to do some fine tuning.

We’ll see how we go forward from here. It is a work in progress at any rate. I will be back in a few minutes with another post. But I will leave you with this thought from Helen Keller; “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

I leave you with this thought because it relates not just to me but also to you and is clearly outlined in the next blog post.

I hope you are all well and loving life because that is the point of our journey on this rock floating through space, to find out who we are, run with and become more.

DREAM BIG AND INSPIRED.

A la prochaine

SDM

To Grill or Not to Grill

To grill or not to grill, that is the question,
whether is nobler in the mind to prep cook,
the line, functions with canapes and plated dinners,
or to rise above the flame to own the stainless steel,
and by rising to become more,
to grill, to plate,
summer more,
and thus the native hue of resolution,
is steel brushed with the pale cast of thought,
this enterprise of great joy,
and gain the name of action,
sear, char, gently now,
the fair silvered grill on patio fair,
be all my work remembered,
and this summer to aid my days,
restaurant forth,
to learn...

For some reason Hamlet popped into my head after having a conversation with Chef J yesterday. It looks like I will be outside working on the patio for the next little while on top of doing my work with L.

As well I want to give a big shout out for the return of our Saucier A. We missed you bud and we're thrilled that your back. I can hardly wait to be regaled with tales of merry old England and the kitchen.

Oh well, off to work I go...

JFK once said; “We choose to go...not because [it is] easy, but because [it is] hard, because that goal will serve to measure and organize the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win.”

Dream big and inspired today...

A la prochaine

SDM