No, No, is too much (file under Let me Sum Up!)

One of my favorite lines from any movie is; “No, no, is too much, let me sum up, Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less than half an hour.” Which these days is how I feel. So much to say and so little time to say it in as I have so many things on my plate these days. However, I will, as always, do my best to spit it out.

I didn’t write yesterday because I was torn between an emotional response and an intellectual one to the day that I had. I had both successes and failures. And sometimes when that happens I am torn between my responsibilities to myself to be genuine and that of my readers who want to understand.

So I will start with the minor (truly minor) dressing down I got with regard to Health in a Glass. Due to the person that I am and wanting to share the goodness that comes my way with everyone possible Chef called down and told me that the smoothies had to stop. My belief is that my regulars sent him a message somehow saying that they really appreciated me and all that I was doing – including the smoothies. He wasn’t angry and he certainly didn’t let on to how he found out. He was merely stating his position on the matter in a very cordial way. Naturally I said; “Yes Chef!” And true to my word instead this morning I had a grapefruit juice. I certainly don’t want to rock the boat.

I hustled a lot yesterday and for seemingly no reason as the night crew had not been very busy. This happened again today and so very good naturedly I mentioned it to Sous Chef R. I did this not to be a snitch but because I felt that I was being taken advantage of and that I wanted to nip it in the bud. The story to follow;

As I had mentioned earlier when I started at The Club there is a disconnect for some of the people that work there and reality. In that, they fail to see, or refuse to, that they have a great job and do the bare minimum to maintain the status quo (as in their job). As we all aware I am a work horse. I am happy to do the work and do more than my fair share. I am happy, neigh, thrilled to pick up the slack when it needs to be picked up but I am not there to be a whipping boy. Yesterday I didn’t really say much because I just felt that I would get the job done that I needed to get done. However, today when I came in, I was greeted by the stench of laziness and it drove me crazy.

When I came in I did my regular set up. Yet, the line was not adequately ready and thus I had to do all that. I then had to do all the prep for the evening crew despite the fact that they had a quiet night last night. By quiet I mean that they had to work for about an hour. Meaning that they had six and a half hours to get the things done for themselves. Well as so often happens, they cherry picked what they wanted to do and left the things they didn’t for me to do. Again, I don’t mind doing the work if there is a justifiable reason for me to do it, but I am not going to get into another situation as it has been for me before.

In speaking with Sous Chef R I made it clear that I am not complaining for the sake of complaining. Before saying anything I asked if last night had been busy to which he responded by the time he left around 9 it was pretty quiet. At this point I explained that I felt that I was doing the best I could to knock off the prep work that needed to get done while at the same time managing my time when orders came in. I felt that it was unfair that I was being hammered (every day this week) with an unreasonable amount of prep. He promised that he would have a conversation with the culprits. Which he did. And I know this because the culprit came to me and complained. I said nothing to him, nor will I, for I think it is not my place, nor responsibility to. I am a worker bee, there to work, and so I will. I have taken on more than my fair share, gladly, and will continue to, but I am not going to allow internal politics or personalities to diminish either my character or work ethic. Head down, mouth closed, WORK!

Part of the problem as I see it is that my morning partner and I can work and talk at the same time. While it would appear that certain of the night crew, feeling untouchable and above reproach, just talk and talk and talk and then when the night is over add to my already large prep list. Again this is just my observation.

I do think that this should not be an issue going forward but it was enough today that it affected my mood for a good hour or so.

Politics and personalities are big inside the restaurant world. Some people work, some don’t, that is true of any environment. But I made myself a promise that I would not allow myself to be taken advantage of again as it negatively impacts my spirit. I like being happy. I love what I do. And while I don’t think that everyone has my attitude when it comes to work I really do wish that people I currently work with would realize that we are in paradise compared to most kitchens.

At any rate, I choose to remain above the fray, put my head down AND WORK. To me the issue has been resolved, at least in the now, and will remain for me a done issue until such a time as I feel that the work ethic is sliding again. And rather than dealing with the person directly I will deal with Sous Chef R as that is the way to deal with the issue. It may not seem cool to some people but I am not working to be cool. I am working because I love what I do. I am only in control of myself. But there is a standard operating procedure and syntax to events that I adhere to now because I am not falling into the same pit falls as the past. We have to learn and grow from our mistakes.

As I like to present the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to now let you know that yesterday I did the prep work for Sunday’s pasta special which is an Authentic Pad Thai. The sauce is delicious and took time to make, but, as I have said time and again. Good food takes time.

As to the Bistro Fish that I created I made a sample of it today and was really happy with what I had created. It is a truly “sexy dish.” It is beautiful on the plate. The flavours match each other quite nicely. It is a dish that I am quite proud of and know that anywhere other than the club I could charge at least $40 for it. The colours are all complimentary and yet at the same time provide a nice contrast. The crispiness of the coconut and Panko breading contrast well with the spicy sweetness of the apricot marmalade. While there are definite refinements to be made to the dish it is one that I know I will make variations of for the rest of my life.

Benjamin Franklin once said; “Sloth and Silence are a Fool's Virtues” This is something I thought of many times today as I did my best to bang out what needed to get done.

However, as we all know I like to end these posts, positively, with food for thought, and so, James Joyce once wrote; "I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day."

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Options, Mistakes and Considerations (file under more?’s than answers)

We’ve all heard the expression the grass is always greener. Well rarely if ever have I found that the grass is actually greener. In my haste to achieve my desires and dreams I believe that I have given less consideration than was necessary to make some pretty important decisions. This is true both inside and outside of the kitchen.

I have waxed poetic here about going down to NYC and how great it would be. After much reflection I now know that it would be premature of me to go down to NYC for at least another year of development here. While it would be great to go down and be with C everyday and come home to a smiling and loving face, I know that if I were to go down, I would find myself in the same position I am now. Doing something merely as a means of survival.

Survival is important in the pursuit of dreams. There is no question about that. But survival (and ultimately talent) are not enough. You need much more in order to succeed. And I realize that now.

I left Reservation under the impression that I would be leaving something great but replacing it with something that was even greater. That I would have the opportunity to expand upon both my practical experience and my book knowledge. That the fundamentals that I had built would continue to grow and flourish. Unfortunately, in my departure, I have found that the fundamentals are suffering, as is my training. So I’m left considering; what do I do to address this?

Patience is something that keeps coming up for me. I can’t recall who said it but I believe it was Daniel Boulud that said you require patience as a good cook to succeed. I wonder whether or not I was impatient with Reservation or at the very least at Reservation.

Again the question begs; what do I do? I am actively looking to find a place where I belong and can further my fundamentals. I know of one place that I can do this. I know of one person that I can speak with to redress this issue. And I plan to.

It is difficult to admit our mistakes. It is even more difficult sometimes to correct them. But where there is good will and history there can be a redressing.

Ultimately, in the coming weeks, I am going to find myself an answer to where I belong, how I can improve and what I need to do in order to get back on track for my dreams and aspirations.

James Joyce once said; “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.” And Conrad Hilton once said; “Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.”

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

The Bad (file under s%^& my pants fear)

So on the heels of a great conversation with Executive Chef and the feeling that I had resolved my issue with Chef J satisfactorily and amicably. I was feeling pretty good as I have learned how to disengage my ego which in the past has gotten in the way of me resolving things as well. It is all part of the growth that I am experiencing in the most beautiful and wonderful way as part of my decision to be on this path.

As I mentioned in the last post I had a great conversation with Executive Chef. But based on something he had shown me and said I knew that something wicked this way comes. I arrived on Tuesday feeling good about the conversation but nervous about the expected onslaught that I was sure was coming. My day was long and hard filled with all kinds of tasks which only further reinforced my belief that I was about to be getting it. I was so nervous at one point that I went to A and asked him if he felt I had done anything that could get me fired. He said no and that he would probably know if that was the case. I was not eased despite his words.

As my night was coming to a close Head Chef came to me and asked me to get a bucket and some rags. I knew immediately that I was about to experience a tempest in a teapot and tried to mentally prepare myself. TO NO AVAIL.

Those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I am 5’10 and soaking wet one hundred and thirty five pounds with all my clothes on. Head Chef is a little shorter than I am but probably outweighs me by about one hundred pounds. I say all this as a means of description and what follows is said with respect and admiration. Head Chef is a powerful man, of German descent and can carry an entire room both with his energy and his words. He can be kind and gracious or spirited and overwhelming. Both of which serve him well in his daily duties. Carrying the bucket I knew where we were going and what was coming.

I have been through some extremely challenging things in my life which enable me to be aware of certain things and whats more to deal with them. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” he said pointing to the interior of the fridge, “Condiments,” I answered. “AND IS THIS HOW THEY BELONG?” He was just above a yell but not quite at a scream. My bones vibrated with every word he said. “NO Chef,” and I was about to offer an excuse when I realized (again something new for me) that it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and listen. “CLEAN THE FRIDGE, MOVE THE CONDIMENTS BACK.” And with that he disappeared inside our sister kitchen while I set about the task. I was visibly upset and was trying to keep my nerves in control. A few more bursts were sent my way and I had backed myself up as I felt like I was about to be thrown to the opposite corner of the universe.

After having cleaned the fridge so perfectly that I would have lived inside of it Chef told me to bring all my stuff back to the restaurant and meet him in the office. I truly felt that I was about to be fired. As I had mentioned previously my spidey sense had been going off all day. I got back to the restaurant and deposited the various things that I needed to deposit in the respective places. My heart raced as I approached the office. I was instructed to take a seat. AM I GETTING FIRED? Oh my god my mind raced as I waited for Head Chef to come back. The issue is a serious one as it relates to the safety and sanitation which affects everyone.

A folder was opened on the desk before me and I was asked to read it carefully and then sign it. Being the quick reader that I was I was finished in about twenty seconds. I looked up first relieved that I wasn’t getting fired and secondly to try and catch myself before I broke. I duly signed both copies of the document and felt myself choking up.

Chef looked right at me and I told him I would offer no excuses for what I had done. Instead I would adjust my work in the future to reflect this conversation and dressing down. I told him and indeed Chef B and J as well that I got it and that I understood completely. Head Chef seeing that I was truly upset by this told me to go outside and collect my thoughts over a cigarette and then come back in and clean the kitchen.

I went out back and lit a cigarette. I felt myself welling up inside. I was not upset, I was angry. I was angry with myself for having let Head Chef and Executive Chef down. For doing less than is expected which is not something that I am accustomed to doing. I spent a good five minutes out back thinking to myself and reading over my written warning. After my smoke I went back in to discover that the kitchen was finished. Head Chef was getting ready to leave and I asked him if there was anything that he would especially like me to do. His reply was short and sweet; “Go home.” I made sure to shake all their hands and say that they would not ever see that again. They could tell how upset I was with myself and I think they were satisfied to let me beat myself up with it as they knew it would be more severe that way. But that is just supposition.

My ride home was filled with anger, angst and resolve. I had made my first serious mistake in the kitchen and it sucked. It felt horrible. I didn’t speak for the first three hours at work the next day. And truthfully still today I am feeling ill with myself about it. But one thing that Executive Chef has taught me is that yesterday is yesterday and today is today. BE BETTER! And I am.

James Joyce once said; “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.” And man have I discovered…

Have you?

Dream big and inspired.

A la prochaine

SDM

Mantra (file under awakening)

So I’ve been reading a lot this year. I would say that I’m reading a book every three days. Most of them are food related but others are related to becoming a better man, a better lover, a better friend and true to myself a better cook (can’t quite call myself a Chef and even when I can I think I’d rather be thought of as a cook). I’ve been reading everything from James Joyce’s “Ulysses,” to The Dalai Lama, Osho and Einstein just to name a few. You know a little light reading. At any rate, it really does feel wonderful to be on the path that I’m on. Life is revealing to me that the universe works in wonderful ways and that I am more than just a cog in the wheel of my life. I am the wheel. So let’s roll!

At the start of each day I write a note at the top of my notebook. For example on April 12th I wrote; “Love is my teacher, passion my guide and life my resource and I AM THAT!” These Mantras are a great way to frame my day and direct my mind in the right direction.

I’ve started tracking everything at work. I track the products that come in, the weight, whether they were of good quality or just so so (not that it happens but when it does I send it back to the supplier). I’ve started tracking the yields of the stocks that I make as well as the demi that is produced. By tracking all this I am able to get a good idea of whats needed in the future based on the knowledge that I have of the seats in our restaurant and the number that are filled for service. This is absolutely invaluable to me and the mission that I have.

I have also started paying attention to things such as product weight as it relates to the portion costs. L and I were having a conversation about it in relation to cheese. I was cutting the cheese (lol) for a cheese platter to be served at brunch. Looking at it he said that I should cut the cheese differently as the sizes I was cutting would force the customer to take my big size whereas if I cut it smaller they would take two or three but that was roughly equivalent to the size that I was originally cutting. It might make a four cent difference on that particular piece of cheese. But when you are cutting two thousand pieces. It all adds up. And this is something that I need to become more aware of. If you want to own your own restaurant you need to have a perfect understanding of where every dollar goes. Even if it is one cent at a time.

So here is my two cents for each of you today brought to you by none other than Osho; “Any human being who is becoming independent of conditionings, of religions, scriptures, prophets and messiahs, has arrived home. He has found the treasure which was hidden in his own being.” I have found the treasure inside my own being by accepting what was inside me all the time. I have become the man I always wanted to be. Are you willing to look inside your being?

Dream big and inspired. I will be back with more in a few minutes.

A la prochaine

SDM