Now is the Winter of Our Discontent (file under Lessons)

In his great work, “The Old Man and the Sea,” Hemingway’s opening line is; “He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.” This is sort of how I feel right now.

I went for the follow up meeting at Reservation today. And in many ways it was a great meeting. In others it was a massive blow to my ego and my spirit. Perhaps intellectually arrogantly I believed that Executive Chef was going to allow me to come back to Reservation. I believed that my service to Reservation had been such that I would be given the opportunity to come back.

Meeting with Executive Chef in the dining room we had a brief conversation. Perhaps ten minutes or so. He asked why he should allow me to come back and I explained as best I could the reasons I thought that I should be allowed to come back. We bantered back and forth for a few minutes and then a brief pause and he looked me squarely in the eye and quietly, almost imperceptibly said; “No.” Another person might have misunderstood what was meant by the no but it was immediately clear to me, that, for my own good, and the good of my dream, he was not going to allow me to come back. Naturally I asked if there was any way that I could change his mind and he let me know that there was not.

He expressed to me, quite plainly, that I should go and find myself a European Chef. That I should find either in a hotel, or elsewhere, a Chef that would put me on his brigade and teach me in the old world style. He said that I need to be uncomfortable and that my coming back to Reservation would do nothing to enhance either his kitchen or my dream. That instead, by reaching out to a top European Chef, either in a hotel or otherwise, that I could learn in an environment which was better suited to my needs. I appreciated what he said. And the advice that he gave me. He also made it clear that I was welcome to use him as a reference and that if called he would give an exceptional reference.

I have to tell you at first I was really upset. I still kind of am. But I understand what he is trying to do and appreciate fully his not taking me back. In the long run of my dream, I think he is doing me a great service and not a disservice. That does not however take away from the hurt I now feel. But again, after sober thought, I am sure that his point of view will prevail in my own mind.

That does not for a moment take away from the fact that I wish I could go back.



My use of Hemingway at the beginning is the acknowledgement that by leaving Reservation I have failed to catch a fish. I have failed to find meaning in what I am doing currently and what’s more have failed in finding an environment that will aid me in the pursuit of my dream.

Does it suck? Absolutely. But I feel stronger for having attempted to correct my own mistake and I know that there is lots for me to learn from it. I made my bed and now I need to lay in it.

Theodore Roosevelt once said; “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Thank you Chef! I appreciate it.

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

All work and no… (File under A Passionate Life)

Pablo Picasso once said; “It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” And man have I been seduced. I can’t understand what held me back all these years from doing something that I truly enjoy. Scratch that – from doing something that is so naturally imbued and ingrained in me. Something which has defined my life and so many of my memorable moments. I know I’ve said this before and I can assure you I will say it again.

In the past week I have spent a lot of time studying, learning and contemplating what it is I am doing. Why I am doing it? Where I want to go? And finally, how I am going to get there. But first lets talk about the last week at work.

It started a couple weeks ago when Chef and I had a conversation. It related to intellectual ability and a larger than life persona that can at times come off like ego. I listened intently as he said what he had to and for the first time in my life found myself NOT in defensive position but instead as a student listening to and admiring a teacher. One of the things that struck me was that he said he looked at me as if I was the Chef and I looked at him like he was the cook. I assured him that in no way is that true for me but I can do nothing about his world view (up to and including his view of me in that world).

This conversation left me confused. How do I correct that? How do I change the way that my teacher views me? I’m still short on answers. Then on the weekend there was an altercation with the General Manager in which I found myself (unnecessarily) defending Chef from attack and criticisms which were a) entirely inappropriate, b) inflammatory and finally c) UNCALLED FOR. You do not attack a Chef in the middle of service with pedantic accusations that are untrue and worse than that a reflection of your own mental state. So I stepped up and let him know that it was inappropriate (which in retrospect I should have left to Chef’s discretion) but it leads me to a larger point.

Without Reservation lacks the professional standard that I learned when I was at Reservation. This is not an attack, merely an observation. I am not saying that it is a bad place to be. But I would like to see the operation of the place become more professional. As an illustration (which relates to the above paragraph) the GM (in my opinion) is lazy, slovenly and a poor role model for the F.O.H. staff. He drinks on the job overtly, he handles staff issues in a heavy handed and inappropriate way and at any chance he gets attacks the kitchen. Clearly a case of removing the twig from your eye before you remove the log from theirs. To clarify the point, he refuses to run any food and when calling from the pass (as expeditor) constantly jumps bills and causes duress to the kitchen which then has to scramble in order to account for his actions. This is just one example.

It became so heated that I had to walk off the line for a moment as if I had stayed there it surely would have negatively reflected on my character. I can say that I did not swear or raise my voice. I merely stood up for my Chef. When I came back Chef let me know that I should not have walked off the line but that he understood why. Just don’t do it again. And I won’t.

After service rush was over the owner, GM, Chef and myself had a meeting and resolved our differences. I made sure to keep my mouth closed (as advised by Executive Chef at Reservation when I left). When the moment was right I made my comments and then excused myself after shaking hands with everyone in the room.

It is moments like this that give me complete clarity in terms of my direction. I need to be in a more professional atmosphere (which is a comment on the entire operation and not at all on Chef and the kitchen).

Moreover, I have been having issues with one of my coworkers who is also lazy or forgetful or both. I like him but I know for a fact that most of the time that he is at work he is getting paid to do nothing. It is less systematic laziness and more refined laziness. Refined in that if there is “nothing” to do that is a perception. However, in my experiences, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO IN A KITCHEN. You could as example clean or do prep work (of which there is always an enormous amount). But he doesn’t. Twice last week I called him on it. In good humour of course but nonetheless, if I did, what he does, I would be reprimanded or worse, fired.

So that is all I am going to say in terms of my “bitch session” at work. The next post is going to cover the positive elements of the last week.

Teddy Roosevelt once said; “Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

Enough said.

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM