Transformation (file under More than Meets the Eye!)

I have done a lot of things in my life that I am not proud of. None of them really worth mentioning here because I have moved beyond that. On the flip side I have also done lots in my life that I am exceptionally proud of. But also, not worth mentioning here right now.

I titled this post “transformation” because I believe that since I turned thirty I have had several experiences which helped to get me to the point that I am at today. In a round about way all of the moments of my life have led to here, just as they have to your reality, but for some reason these stand out more than the rest.

Two friends of C and I got married in the Czech Republic in May of 2007. At that point in my life I was truly unhappy with what I was doing and where I thought I saw my life leading. C and I treated this as an opportunity to experience Europe together. By car at that. We flew into England first. From there we flew to Dublin, Ireland and then drove all the way to the west coast, all the way down to the southern tip and then back to Dublin. The first part of our trip lasted three days.

Going to Ireland with C was one of the best experiences of my life. Touching down in Dublin I was almost moved to tears as I thought about my ancestors whom had all played a part in my being here today. As we drove our little red car around Ireland we stopped at all the castles and monasteries that we saw, which were abounding. Some of the pictures we got from this trip are the best we will ever have. More than that, my desire to go to Ireland, was to go to where my family originally came from on my fathers mothers side. My mind had already begun to race as we were in Ireland. It raced with my considering what was going on in my life. Without realizing what I was doing consciously I was taking pictures of all the food that we experienced. As we arrived in Enniscorthy, Wexford County, I had an eerie feeling come over me. Not least of all because there was an election going on in Ireland and in the middle of the town was a large sign of Gerry Adams. In Enniscorthy we went to the Rebellion museum (my great great great grandfather was a part of it) and to my ancestors bar. As we toured Ireland I felt at ease with myself and though I didn’t know it was already in transformation mode. When we got to Dublin one of the most exciting moments for me was seeing where Oscar Wilde had lived and taking some pictures with him in the park that he used to enjoy. I still use one of the pictures from that day on my other blog (sdmupwords.blogspot.com which incidentally I have not written on in almost a year).

From Dublin we went to our friends wedding in the Czech Republic. It was such a beautiful occasion and I am truly thrilled that C and I got to experience it. While in the Czech Republic we had to go to Karlovy Vary. It is such an amazing city (town) and C and I fully enjoyed our stay there.

From there we drove to Poland and got to enjoy Wroclaw which has to be one of the most beautiful cities in all of Europe. It transcends its own architecture with a can do spirit that is rarely experienced anywhere in the world. This city has been destroyed, dampened and flooded and the people have always bounced back and returned it to its historical splendour. Despite all this it is also a very cosmopolitan city and left me wanting more. From Wroclaw we drove to Krakow. Again an absolutely beautiful city. From there we drove not far to Auschwitz. For reasons I won’t get into now I had to go to Auschwitz. My time, spent there alone, was perhaps, one of, if not the most difficult in my life. I was overcome with emotion and rage. It was a rage that would stay with me for the rest of the trip but was very important in the transformation that I am currently exploring. As a matter of fact, that rage has now given way, to a deep personal understanding. One which is deeply personal. One which I needed to experience.

From there we drove to Germany. A country I had said I would never go to. When we arrived in Germany I asked at the Border as to whether or not it was true that I could drive as fast as I wanted. Pretty much was the answer. So I did. I drove from the border to Dresden in what seemed like no time at all. Dresden also was an important city for me to see. A city that due to the scourge of war was at the end of World War II absolutely decimated in fire bombings. Again, the city was returned to its former splendour. An absolutely beautiful city that bears the marks of its history but also illustrates that where there is a will the human spirit will always endure.

From Germany we went to Austria. Again, the drive was absolutely beautiful. In Austria we also took the time to go to Mauthausen, which is another camp which will live in infamy. Again, this experience caused me to experience mass amounts of rage. A deeply internal struggle to understand the scale and scope of atrocities that seem so foreign to that life that I live. That seem almost alien in their design. I say alien because I have a hard time reconciling and still do.

Alas it was time for us to come back home. But in our 17 days in Europe we did six countries and crossed borders a total of seventeen times.

This trip did more for my spirit than I think anything other than being with C has done. This trip revealed to me both beauty and horror and rarely is there a week that goes by that I don’t think about it.

The entire trip I was taking pictures of our food. I was analyzing what was good on the plate. What worked and what didn’t. It was almost as if it was a precursor to my decision to join a professional kitchen. This experience behind me I became even more dissatisfied with my life professionally. I felt a deep void and a personal responsibility to find out what exactly I should be doing with my life. It took several more months for me to reach my breaking point before I realized that I owed it to myself to do something which truly excited me and made me happy. Something that left me fulfilled rather than empty and wanting. In a lot of ways this trip was a purging of my past and a revelation to my soul. Without knowing it my sub concious was speaking to me the whole trip. And I decided to listen.

This trip inspired me. It brought me closer to my ancestors. To understanding joy and devastation. To understanding the doppelganger that exists in each of us. But it also taught me how to embrace it and to release my fears to become what I truly wanted.

And I am in service of that revelation each and every day.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said; “The revelation of thought takes men out of servitude into freedom.” And I am free. Are you?

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Options (file under considerations weighing on me)

So what do I do? I’m sure this is a question that many of you have asked yourself over time. As I wrote about the other day this coming year is filled with all kinds of life changes that require mental acuity and planning.

Do I go to New York?

Do I got to Europe?

Do I take over my friends’ kitchen? (not by mutiny either)

Do I seek out a cruise ship cooking position?

Do I find another position in Toronto?

Do I approach the two standing job offers I have right now?

Lots on my plate.

These are just some of the questions that I am considering on top of my regular questions. Each has pros and cons connected with the decision and I have to tell you that to me the two most attractive are going to New York or going to Europe. But I just don’t know.

Vincent Van Gogh once said; “For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Considerations (file under Life… A work in Progress)

I realize now that I have revealed very little of myself in a historical context. I have given little snippets here and there, but not much else. That is something I will remedy when I get a chance. Probably when I am doing my year in review around the end of January. But I bring this up because I beseech all of you, at the end of each post, asking, are you dreaming big and inspired. Look back and you will see that with the exception of three or four posts I absolutely beseech you to find you. Moreover I also say A la prochaine. This too is something that is indicative of who I am. I mention this because I wanted to share a poem with you that has been running through my mind a lot lately;

Dylan Thomas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dylan_Thomas ) wrote “ Do not go Gentle into that Good Night” ;

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I have hit numerous obstacles in my life. And since I was a boy I remember thinking to myself, even as young as thirteen or fourteen, that Thomas was absolutely right when he wrote this piece. I’m sure to each and every one of you reading this the meaning is personal and varied. For me it is a great jumping off point to look at my own personal life considerations, truly a work in progress, and what it is I want to achieve AND I assure you I HAVE NEVER GONE GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT, NOR WILL I.

I am almost thirty four years old. I long for stability and work towards it every day. Mindful that life will almost always certainly throw a curve ball at you here and there. It is not the curve that is important but rather how you deal with it that defines who you are. But I digress.

Currently, I am looking at marriage (January 2010), a potential move to NYC to further my culinary career (and possibly be closer to the love of my life), how I want to get to where I want to go and the list goes on and on. I am considering, as an adult (loath though I may be to find myself becoming one at the tender age of 33) the things that adults consider. I am looking at the past, the opportunities that I have had, have made use of and have screwed up either through my own faults or none at all and what does it all mean. My culinary journey is the result of figuring out for myself that there is much more to life than the pursuit of money, comfort, status and the like. Things I have never been motivated by at all. Instead I find myself defining my meaning through a personal purpose, my own desire, to be honest, to work a hard day and come home fulfilled. I live each day as if I am raging against the dying of the light and to my good fortune the light always seems to return.

So where am I going with all this? What do I do? Do I screw off to Europe for six months next year while C is in NYC? Do I stay on the course that I am on? Continue working the line until I find the next place? How do I create meaningful relationships in a professional sense that are based on mutual respect and esteem (something which has always dogged me)? How do I fulfill my own timeline with respect to where I want to be? This is just a few of the life considerations that I am looking at right now. I guess a part of me is going through the exercise of putting this on paper so that you can ALL see that answers only come to those that ask the questions. Dreams are only realized by those that dare to dream them and have the audacity to work toward their fulfillment. It is not merely enough to state the dream. YOU MUST WORK AT IT!

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest for the moment. Back shortly with another post.

Charles F. Kettering once said; “Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.”

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

Food Considerations (file under awakening of all I have studied)

I came to a professional kitchen by way of discovering what it meant to be myself. I have spent the better part of the last two days analyzing food. Its proliferations. The way that influences have touched cultures far removed from one another. How ingredients can interconnect at a seemingly irrational moment and produce culinary serendipity. Have any of you ever looked at your plate and wondered how the food you are eating now was somehow influenced by a battle at the Plains of Abraham or through colonial conquest? Peaceful coexistence? Or by chance?

Do you think when Jules Verne wrote one of his masterpieces; “Around the World in 80 days,” he could envision the world as it is today? Do you think that he had enough foresight to imagine that our growing global population would at some point interact with each other in less than a day? Getting on a plane in New York and being in Shanghai or Delhi less than 18 hours later? Well now I’ve started looking at food as a component of our development both as a species and a civilization. I’ve started exploring the relationship between cultural diversity and richness with the proliferation and spread of something as simple (yet highly valued) as salt.

I think of the past as a conduit to the future. I look at the present as a consequence of the past and a catalyst for the future and though intelligent I had never thought to look at the impact of food on the directions and right turns that the world has taken. Of course I’ve looked at the micro and the macro trying to piece together some broad stroke understanding to how we’ve come to here. But now, as I look deeply and meaningfully into food I am beginning to see the history of conquest, colonization, subjugation and control come to life. And all this through the spread of the chopstick, or certain curing methods.

When I thought about writing this post I thought about breaking down the cultural influences on each of the areas that I’ve spent the last two days studying. Until that is I came to the conclusion that perhaps it is more important to look at the underlying issues, the catalysts, the impetus for foods spread and the meaning of that spread. Have any of you ever thought about the plate of spaghetti, or pizza, or dim sum or curry that you are eating? Have you ever considered the various elements of space, time and history that had to take place for the proliferation to occur?

The spread of food is the history of the spread of domination both militarily and culturally. Much now as the United States spreads democracy both through the barrel of a gun and through cultural hegemony that plate of spaghetti that you are eating, or the curry, was also spread the same way though with differing effects.

Initially, the spread of food was the result of established trade routes. Established that is by pioneers that had the wherewithal and the fortitude to travel into the unknown to reach across divides that had hitherto unknown and misunderstood cultural divides. Imagine if you will De Gama traveling for the first time a sea route that opened up the spice trade? Or consider if you will the Arab dominance of the spice trade (predominantly because of ideal positioning on the map) and the resultant ten to forty times more Europe paid for spices because they were at the behest of the Arabs. Have you considered how revolutionary it is that the most common element of every human’s life has now been influenced by the rapid proliferation of food in the last twenty years? Consider this for a moment, when did the specialty food shops start rising up? What influence did this have on your consumption?

To me it would appear that choice is not merely enough. The cultural richness, enhanced by historical significance and naturally great flavour shapes many of your decisions today as an after thought and nothing more. Yet as I continue the journey that I am on, I strive to seek to understand the cultural influence and significance of for example Kimchi.

Have you ever considered how Szechwan or Thai, or Middle Eastern or Eastern Europe Cuisine was able to make a stronghold? There is the obvious movement of people by plane, train or automobile but what of the ability of a dish to take hold? What of, for example, falafel and its impact on Toronto’s cuisine as an example? Or Poutine?

Take Persian cuisine. What was the impetus for its introduction and flourishing in Western Culture? Is there some great historical event, mass exodus, or outside influence that has brought you to the words; extra tahini and tabouli? What do you think?

I myself have looked at Asia, India, China, The Americas and now Europe and I can isolate the trends that historically led to their proliferation. And I begin to wonder in this ever increasingly global world does the Thai curry I’m eating tonight have the same cultural importance here that it has there? The answer to me is quite simple. In South East Asia rather than saying; “How are you?” or “What’s up?” They ask some type of variation of; “Have you eaten yet?” In Thai it is; “Have you eaten rice today?”

Can you imagine greeting someone with the words; “Have you eaten McDonalds today?” For some reason it is lost on us here in the so-called New World. The importance of food, its impact on our lives and indeed our spiritual well-being has become perverted by the instant gratification culture that we have allowed to rise up. Our sense of community, togetherness, etc has been adversely affected by the life that we have accepted as commonplace in North America. To a degree in Europe but at least there, as it is in Asia, India, South East Asia, food is more than just food. It is a celebration and a means of uniting the communal environment that until recently had been the commonplace and motivator of society.

What meaning can we draw from the fig? The date? The pomegranate? Roti? Curry? How has sorghum changed us? Or millet? Maize or Patagonian Anglerfish? How does the life I live each day impact each of these things and what’s more the people that brought them to my awareness?

Food is so commonplace that it has been reduced in our society to an afterthought. But as I have mentioned before; Had Khrushchev eaten fried pork instead of chicken Kiev would there have been a nuclear war? Had Mao not been able to mobilize the masses through his understanding that the way to the people was through their stomach would China be the massive power that it is today? Look at Gandhi and his move away from food to prove a point? The Irish Hunger strikers? There is nothing more powerful that a human can do than choose to whittle away at his own existence through the refusal of food to teach those around them a point? Without food we are nothing? In a very short period of time our bodies shut down and we become incapable of life.

What if the Germans had had proper food and shelter when fighting a two front war? What would have happened then? What if Goliath had had his bowl of Wheatties the day that David came with his slingshot?

Naturally I could sit here all day and make pronouncements about food and its importance but I think the point that I am trying to make is that the plate of food that will invariably be in front of you today is far more important that you give it credit for.

This then leads me to my next point. How do I convince the masses that the food that I prepare is more than just a plate? It is a confluence of space and time, historical significance and future impact. It is the source of all. It is the bringing together or communities, of minds, both like and at extreme odds.

Look at the spread of the Mongols and you gain insight into the culinary practices of the Russians as well as the French. Look to the Chinese and their influence on Korea, Japan and the rest of Southeast Asia. Look at Europe and the spread of tradition and manipulation in the new world to create new dishes with a Native American slant? Look at the Incas and the royal road and what that meant to a dish being prepared 1500 miles away from where it was born and the similarities and minute differences that result. Look at the Emilian Way in Italy and the impact that it had.

Each of these examples have awakened me to the heritage and future of dishes. Civilizations advancement is the story of food. It is the presentation of a novel concept to an old idea in an appetizing way. Scarcely one hundred and fifty years ago there was no such thing as a restaurant and look at the world today. Can you go a block without finding one (though I hardly call fast food a restaurant)?

At any rate I felt that instead of boring you with detail, I would instead get you to start looking at your plate. Devour it yes but also devour its cultural and historical significances.

What if Jean Chrétien didn’t like Pepper on his plate? But more importantly where did the pepper come from?

I thought I would end with this quote from Gandhi;

“Human nature will only find itself when it fully realizes that to be human it has to cease to be beastly or brutal.”

Be inspired today. Live, love and laugh.

A la prochaine

SDM