Transformation (file under More than Meets the Eye!)

I have done a lot of things in my life that I am not proud of. None of them really worth mentioning here because I have moved beyond that. On the flip side I have also done lots in my life that I am exceptionally proud of. But also, not worth mentioning here right now.

I titled this post “transformation” because I believe that since I turned thirty I have had several experiences which helped to get me to the point that I am at today. In a round about way all of the moments of my life have led to here, just as they have to your reality, but for some reason these stand out more than the rest.

Two friends of C and I got married in the Czech Republic in May of 2007. At that point in my life I was truly unhappy with what I was doing and where I thought I saw my life leading. C and I treated this as an opportunity to experience Europe together. By car at that. We flew into England first. From there we flew to Dublin, Ireland and then drove all the way to the west coast, all the way down to the southern tip and then back to Dublin. The first part of our trip lasted three days.

Going to Ireland with C was one of the best experiences of my life. Touching down in Dublin I was almost moved to tears as I thought about my ancestors whom had all played a part in my being here today. As we drove our little red car around Ireland we stopped at all the castles and monasteries that we saw, which were abounding. Some of the pictures we got from this trip are the best we will ever have. More than that, my desire to go to Ireland, was to go to where my family originally came from on my fathers mothers side. My mind had already begun to race as we were in Ireland. It raced with my considering what was going on in my life. Without realizing what I was doing consciously I was taking pictures of all the food that we experienced. As we arrived in Enniscorthy, Wexford County, I had an eerie feeling come over me. Not least of all because there was an election going on in Ireland and in the middle of the town was a large sign of Gerry Adams. In Enniscorthy we went to the Rebellion museum (my great great great grandfather was a part of it) and to my ancestors bar. As we toured Ireland I felt at ease with myself and though I didn’t know it was already in transformation mode. When we got to Dublin one of the most exciting moments for me was seeing where Oscar Wilde had lived and taking some pictures with him in the park that he used to enjoy. I still use one of the pictures from that day on my other blog (sdmupwords.blogspot.com which incidentally I have not written on in almost a year).

From Dublin we went to our friends wedding in the Czech Republic. It was such a beautiful occasion and I am truly thrilled that C and I got to experience it. While in the Czech Republic we had to go to Karlovy Vary. It is such an amazing city (town) and C and I fully enjoyed our stay there.

From there we drove to Poland and got to enjoy Wroclaw which has to be one of the most beautiful cities in all of Europe. It transcends its own architecture with a can do spirit that is rarely experienced anywhere in the world. This city has been destroyed, dampened and flooded and the people have always bounced back and returned it to its historical splendour. Despite all this it is also a very cosmopolitan city and left me wanting more. From Wroclaw we drove to Krakow. Again an absolutely beautiful city. From there we drove not far to Auschwitz. For reasons I won’t get into now I had to go to Auschwitz. My time, spent there alone, was perhaps, one of, if not the most difficult in my life. I was overcome with emotion and rage. It was a rage that would stay with me for the rest of the trip but was very important in the transformation that I am currently exploring. As a matter of fact, that rage has now given way, to a deep personal understanding. One which is deeply personal. One which I needed to experience.

From there we drove to Germany. A country I had said I would never go to. When we arrived in Germany I asked at the Border as to whether or not it was true that I could drive as fast as I wanted. Pretty much was the answer. So I did. I drove from the border to Dresden in what seemed like no time at all. Dresden also was an important city for me to see. A city that due to the scourge of war was at the end of World War II absolutely decimated in fire bombings. Again, the city was returned to its former splendour. An absolutely beautiful city that bears the marks of its history but also illustrates that where there is a will the human spirit will always endure.

From Germany we went to Austria. Again, the drive was absolutely beautiful. In Austria we also took the time to go to Mauthausen, which is another camp which will live in infamy. Again, this experience caused me to experience mass amounts of rage. A deeply internal struggle to understand the scale and scope of atrocities that seem so foreign to that life that I live. That seem almost alien in their design. I say alien because I have a hard time reconciling and still do.

Alas it was time for us to come back home. But in our 17 days in Europe we did six countries and crossed borders a total of seventeen times.

This trip did more for my spirit than I think anything other than being with C has done. This trip revealed to me both beauty and horror and rarely is there a week that goes by that I don’t think about it.

The entire trip I was taking pictures of our food. I was analyzing what was good on the plate. What worked and what didn’t. It was almost as if it was a precursor to my decision to join a professional kitchen. This experience behind me I became even more dissatisfied with my life professionally. I felt a deep void and a personal responsibility to find out what exactly I should be doing with my life. It took several more months for me to reach my breaking point before I realized that I owed it to myself to do something which truly excited me and made me happy. Something that left me fulfilled rather than empty and wanting. In a lot of ways this trip was a purging of my past and a revelation to my soul. Without knowing it my sub concious was speaking to me the whole trip. And I decided to listen.

This trip inspired me. It brought me closer to my ancestors. To understanding joy and devastation. To understanding the doppelganger that exists in each of us. But it also taught me how to embrace it and to release my fears to become what I truly wanted.

And I am in service of that revelation each and every day.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said; “The revelation of thought takes men out of servitude into freedom.” And I am free. Are you?

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

The Release Method (file under JACKASS)

To my loyal readers I apologize that I have not been able to write. This past week was a six day hurricane of activity and it prevented me from not only writing my blog but also writing many of my daily butcher paper poems. It really affects my mental state to not be able to download all the stuff that I have inside my head. AND BELIEVE ME THERE IS LOTS! As a result this blog post will cover the last few days and get you caught up on my whirlwind dream chasing adventures. Have you figured your dream out yet? What are you waiting for?

So I walked into work and handed over the piece that Head Chef had asked for. It felt awesome to have an accurate record of what I am after and why. Many years from now I look forward to looking at it (as well as my love, my kids and everyone else. It will be prominently displayed at ONE of my restaurants).



The release method… I was prepping something for one of the sister restaurants, Meatballs in fact. I took out what I thought was the mixture and tried to roll it. It felt weird in my hands and had absolutely no staying power. I tasted it and was still unsure what it was. As a result I walked over to Chef J and said that I was having a problem rolling the meatballs, was there something I could do. He looked at me with astonishment on his face. If you’ve ever seen Roger Rabbit you can imagine the face by thinking of the part where the Judge’s eyes pop out and his mouth drops to the floor. Ends up I was trying to roll the mushroom mixtures used for crustini and gnocchi. He just started laughing and I walked away. So a few hours later Head Chef comes out from his office with Chef J in tow and starts asking me a few questions. I could sense that Chef J had told him and I prepared myself for an onslaught of “Napalm in the morning” variety. Head Chef let me know that if I ever confused meatballs with mushrooms again… well you get the picture. But the public humiliation of it ensured that I learned the lesson quickly. Moreover, as Head Chef walked away he asked Chef J to teach me the release method.

Quite simply the release method is to put your feet should width apart. Bend the knees. Place your hands squarely on your thighs, drop your head down and then quickly pull up. Thus, releasing your head from you ass. In this case MY head from MY ass. This incident also spawned the first nickname that has stuck at Reservation for me; Meatball! It still makes me laugh now.

I also came to the realization that most of my life I’ve looked at things a certain way. It was wrong. It was a skewed worldview that affected everything I did, everything I said and the way that other people thus perceived me. It is easy to become jaded in this world. There is so much going on. So much negativity. I fell victim (largely because I am hugely empathetic) to that skewed worldview. Rather than looking at the good, I would focus on the bad and the ugly. As you all can see though I have snapped out of that and instead focus on the positive. As I wrote this week there are numerous ways to look at a situation. If you focus on the good the bad will just go away and slip from your mind much faster than you think.

I’ve decided that I must live for today. Last year C and I made a trip to Europe. In Linz, Austria we came across a massive piece of art that caused me to start thinking. You’ll see it below;



Think about what this says. It took me finding myself to truly get it. Over the weekend we were extremely busy. Actually for the last week (as you know because I have written) we have been extremely busy. But one of the several highlights of my week was meeting Lynn Crawford (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynn_Crawford ) and Kevin Brauch (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Brauch ). Chef Crawford is one of the most talented people in the culinary field. Period. It makes it all the more sweet that she is a woman (for me anyway). Kevin Brauch is just a standup guy and I can hardly wait until we get to share a drink again.

In the past week I learned how to filet a fish. There are two basic types of fish. Round fish and flat fish. From a round fish you are going to get four filets and from a flat one only two. I also learned how to make a lobster bisque and so much more.

For the competition that both Exec Chef and Head Chef were part of on Sunday I was asked to prepare a lot of the ingredients for them. One of the things that I was asked to do was to cut a perfect one-quarter inch dice of apples. I started with a ruler. After a while I stopped thinking about the ruler and just focused on the task at hand. If you do this you will find that your brain and body begin to act in a weird unison that defies explanation. I am not very good at it yet but I will be.

I am now about to go and start reading Michel Bras’ ( http://www.michel-bras.com )book “Essential Cuisine.” I will blog about it later. I will write another post shortly.

Anatole France once said; “To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” I believe that I am going to be a great chef. What do you believe?

Be inspired and dream big.

A la prochaine