Nice Demi ( file under I bet you say that to all the boys)

It has been almost ten months since I was exposed to the weird, wonderful and amazing world of stocks, Remis and Demis. Any chef worth his weight in salt (remember I told you in a post some time ago where that expression came from) from Escoffier to the dispirited Rocco Dispirito would tell you that stocks are amongst the most important foundations of almost anything we do. To make stock well is to be able to manage any number of variables to produce the perfect flavouring agent for any number of other utilizations. I love making stock. I’ve become proficient if not good at it in the past ten months and I know that I will become even better in the next ten. I am competing with and for myself. Such a joy.

At any rate, during the summer I did not really have the time to tend to the stock. I was to busy in McGrill land. Oh how I am thrilled that the summer is over for only that reason. The whole point of the post is that A was walking by me the other day as I was tending to the demi. He stuck his finger in and then looked at me and barely audible said; “Nice demi.” I remember telling you a long time ago that I took the little victories when ever I could get them as in my current phase they are few and far between.

You’ll recall that the process involved in making a great stock is quite lengthy and intensive, three days, fifty pounds of bones and 270 litres of liquid to produce less than 20 litres.

Nice demi indeed.

Elbert Hubbard once said; “The highest reward that God gives us for good work is the ability to do better” How true? And I strive to be better every day.

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM

The Daily Rind (file under play with words)

We all experience some sort of grind in our lives. Some of us went into fields that we didn’t choose for any other reason than money, fame or whatever. Those of us who chose to do something that we are passionate about don’t experience the daily grind but instead the daily rind.

The tough exterior, which protects us from the miscues, mistakes, and all around troubles, that tend to bring us down. I myself have seen that this rind has caused me to polish my interior and toughen my exterior. HONESTY! It is a marvelous thing.

So the past few weeks have been quite amazing for me. As I wrote about I had my review that left me feeling quite good about what I am doing. I went to Mexico that gave pause for reflection and time to relax, recharge my batteries and to come back transformed. My spirit soaring I’ve looked at the first five months of my experience at Reservation and come to understand much about myself and the world we live in.

I have become healthier, wealthier (in spirit) and wiser. I have adjusted things about myself that were either unconstructive or downright bad within myself and realized that the key to happiness is not some abstract that most people search for. It is in fact living the life that you want to live. In a lot of ways I think that the term hedonistic could describe me. It is not a perfect term by any stretch of the imagination but it certainly does have a lot of cache with respect to myself.

So what’s new at Reservation. Well we are definitely in our busy season. Since getting back last week I have been at work at around 9:30 every morning and gotten home as late as 1 am. By the time I get home I am drawn and tired but happier than I have ever been.

I started working this week in earnest on my knife skills (and no its not so that I don’t lose another digit tip although…). In fact there was a firing at work last week for whatever reason (I know but I won’t say here) and as a result there was lots of slack to be picked up. On a side note, the person that was fired had done the stock for me when I was away and when I returned to the batch I returned to I WAS DISMAYED and SHOCKED as it was nowhere near the quality that I care for. I could tell from its cloudiness that it had been boiled and that there was not the same care and attention that I put into my stocks (CHEF’s STOCKS). As a result of the firing I was asked to work on some things that I hadn’t been asked to in a while. Of course my brunoise has become quite good as I get daily practice with it and find myself getting better and faster with each attempt.

Head Chef asked how my knife skills were and I told him that they were improving daily. He asked me to do a quarter of an inch Rissole on three different items, carrot, fennel and potato. Head Chef is hard on me, not as hard as he could be to be sure but nonetheless he is hard on me. AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR IT! He wants me to win, wants me to succeed and see my dream come to life. My first attempt was a rush job and it was treated with little or no regard. However, the next day he asked me to do the same while at the same time L and I were trying to set up a party. As I was under the gun and did not have perfect timing to do this I did a quick job and the results showed it. Head Chef went through them with a pair of tweezers and pulled aside the good from the “bad.” He said he was trying to see if he could get the bad to exceed or equal the good. Of course he did and though it sucks to be put under that microscope I appreciate it.

Another thing I noticed this week is that if I am going to do a job I want to do the best job that I can possibly do. I was assigned the task of cleaning the grills as we are coming into the patio season. It would be easy to get discouraged when asked to do such a tedious and dirty job but instead I took it as a challenge. They were truly dirty and needed several hours to get them clean. Most would complain (and some do) at some of the things that I’ve had to do in the past week. But I am discovering that everything I am doing is in the service of my goals and stated ambitions. I treat every job I get as a challenge that helps to get me to where I want to go. I don’t want to complain, I don’t want to be like others who begrudge. I’m kind of like that kid who is searching though all the horse crap in his room because somewhere in there there has to be a horse. AND I AM FINDING THE HORSE in EVERYTHING I am doing. After all every single thing that I do is in service of that which I KNOW I will ATTAIN with purposeful movement and clarity of purpose.

My stocks are now consistent in clarity, colour and flavour. My yield is remarkably similar. The reason that I mention this that there are any countless number of variables that can affect the clarity, colour and consistency.

I have started making soups on a weekly basis. The soups at Reservation get passed in terms of responsibility according to the weight of the work that anyone has on any given day. C had come in for dinner on Thursday and got treated to my very delicious Tomato Pepper Puree. It was great that she got to have it as I feel that it has been my best soup to date.

My speed with L and parties has gotten much better. I find myself managing my time better and realizing what can and can not be done within certain time frames as Head Chef and I have spoken about.

On a side note, I again want to mention how important the culture of the kitchen is. If there is an upset in the balance it will be reflected in the food that comes out of it. Though any of us that are crazy enough to work in a kitchen are probably somewhat out of whack with the rest of the world we all come together and make the behemoth of the environment work. We all spend far more time with each other than we do with our family and friends and while in the past this may have been true, the difference I find is that we actually want to hang out with each other when we are done work. We all have a beer and laugh about the kitchen and then move on to other conversations. I know that as the summer goes on we will be doing that more and more and I truly, as I’ve said before, feel as if I have found a place where I am accepted and that I am part of a wider family.

I didn’t bring my book home as I was leaving right from work the other day to go out to make dinner at a friends place. It is for this reason that I am writing in generalities today. But my next day off I will outline all the salient points that are specific that I may have missed in this post.

That said, I again want to remind you that you are the masters of your own destiny. You have the ability, the strength, the drive and the determination to be anything you want to be. All you have to do is acknowledge that little voice inside of you and then claim your victory, one step, stock, or handful at a time. I believe in you and you should believe in yourself.

I leave you with two quotes today, William Jennings Bryan once said; “Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

And

Thomas Carlyle said; “The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong”

Destiny therefore is a matter of stepping toward that which you believe in.

Be Inspired and Dream BIG!

A la prochaine

SDM

Guess Who’s Back? (file under working lots and catching up with love)

Hello all! I’m sorry for the brief lapse in posts. It has been an interesting couple of weeks filled with ups and downs. Mostly ups though. It is beyond amazing to have C back. It was difficult being apart for so long but it is for the best. Our love has consistently stood the test of time and space. Transcending it and it will again when she returns to NYC. That is the nature of love and I am grateful everyday for it.

At Reservation everything is going amazing. I have really begun to pick up on my speed and technique and I am feeling beyond comfortable in the kitchen. Some of the things that stood in my way (perhaps because of a lack of understanding) are no longer issues at all.

For instance Aioli. It is difficult to make Aioli to begin with. I had been splitting my Aioli’s quite a bit and it was driving me nuts. Executive Chef came over when I was making one and he walked me through it again after I had split yet another. Aioli is extremely temperamental and requires exceptional skill and masterful timing. Naturally Aioli is made with eggs and oil as well as a flavouring agent. To start the Aioli you must separate the yolks and then add them to the robo coupe. It was generally believed (before science had proved differently) that an egg yolk was only capable of incorporating 8 ounces of oil. In fact, as science has now proven (as well as trial and error) an egg yolk is capable of incorporating 16 ounces of oil.

As I was making my Aioli’s to begin I was not giving the protein enough time to stretch and thus was not able to incorporate the oil properly. The result is a kind of stringy and bubbly mixture (that almost resembles cellulite is you can believe it). Now though I take the appropriate time (which is dictated by the protein itself) before I start to incorporate the oil. The last stage is to incorporate your flavouring agent. More often than not I have been making Truffle Aioli, Mango Aioli or Lemon Caper Aioli. Each used in various ways. The Truffle Aioli is used as a compliment for our hand cut French fries (my hand!!!!), the Mango is used for mini crab cakes (a canapé at parties and functions) and the Lemon Caper is used with another canapé of shaved beef carpacchio on olive oil crustini. The Mango is still a bit tricky for me but all in all I am comfortable with making any Aioli now.

As I have gotten better it has been observed and my responsibilities have gradually taken on different and new tasks. We all are accustomed to the way that my days start. I know that I have given you all a picture of what it is that I have to put away. It usually starts with the vegetables. Right now we go through approximately three hundred pounds of vegetables a day. I imagine in the summer that that number is going to triple. Dry goods, which includes things such as flour, sugar, oil, frozen products and dairy amount to approximately two hundred pounds on a slow day and on a Friday it can be as much as one thousand pounds. This would explain why my already chiseled physique (if I don’t say so myself) has become even more like Michelangelo had made a marble of me. I also put away fish and meat. Fish usually is about fifty to sixty pounds a day and meat can be as much as two hundred pounds on a busy day. If you add all these numbers up you’ll see that on a slow day I’m moving about three hundred to four hundred pounds of product. On busy days I could be moving as much as fifteen hundred pounds. Can you say biceps?

My stocks are incredible now. My consistency is there and I am producing approximately eighty litres of finished demi each week. Of course the remi is the result of approximately 180 – 220 litres of liquid being reduced down to about 16 litres. I have also expanded my repertoire of stocks. I am now responsible for making Veal Stock, Fish Stock, Light Chicken Stock, Dark Chicken Stock and Lobster Stock. One day before C came home I noticed that I had developed a zit. I’ve never had zits. Ask anyone that knows me. Well the reason for the zit was that I made every one of the afore mentioned stocks over a twelve hour period. All that fat steaming up at my face brought out a zit or two and while my stock was great my face paid the temporary price. You’ll be pleased to know that my face is back to normal now.

I have also started searing off the proteins for events and functions. I have seared salmon, Black Cod, White Fish, European bass, Tuna, Grouper and Artic Char. I have seared Chicken, tenderloin and striploin. I am learning how to do the various proteins properly and how to deal their “doneness” by feel, smell and sight.

My next post is going to deal with functions and how they come into being. The work that is required and my role in them.

I also wanted to say that it is normal for people to have questions about where they are and what they are doing. I myself had to search deep within myself in order to establish what is was that makes me happy and what I could do for the rest of my life. In the past I have done more jobs than you can imagine. Some have been incredible and others have been quite pedestrian. Through it all though I have strived to be better. This year I have really opened my soul, my heart and my mind. I have become the man that I always thought I was supposed to be. My making the selfish decision to join a professional kitchen has been the most transformative event of my life (next to C entering it). I hope that all of you realize that questions, doubt, self loathing, fear and complacency are a part of life. But they are not the end all. They are the beginning. You need to reach beyond and find what truly resides inside you. What is your passion? What is your drive? WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE? Ask these questions and answer them and I can guarantee that you will find a joy that is unparalleled. That said I remember fondly Descartes; “Dubito ergo cogito; cogito ergo sum.” Which translates to; “I doubt, I think, therefore I am.”

Life is the oyster that you’ve always wanted. You just need to dream big and inspired.

Back shortly.

A la prochaine

SDM

Michel Roux and Sauces (file under REALLY?)

As I mentioned in my post on Saturday Executive Chef loaned me another book, Michel Roux’s; “Sauces.” I’ve been reading it this morning for about five hours I guess it is now and I’ve just finished tearing through it. This book is a must for anyone who is serious about cooking. Sauces are, as I’ve mentioned before, one of the foundations of all that is right and just in cooking. Of course, as I mentioned in a previous post, the French developed sauces because the ingredients they had were not great as a stand-alone item and therefore had to be hidden by a sauce. In a current context sauces are not used to hide ingredients or make something that doesn’t taste good taste good. Today sauces are used as a compliment. An element that can add colour, texture, aroma, etc.

Upon opening the book I got a wider understanding of the Roux principles. With a mastery that few have on the planet today he takes items and enhances them. Sauces, as the title would suggest, is all about sauces, how to make them and how to enhance them. One of the things that struck me was when Roux said; “Any excess is ridiculous!” This stands out in my mind because I have been in some of the finer eating establishments in the world and some of them practice excess as a means of disguising something, such as an inadequacy. I know this sounds like a harsh comment but after reading that I started to think to some of the restaurants I’ve been too and wondered whether what I was eating was adding complexity and character. I started to look at the excess of a certain one and was actually able to isolate what they were attempting and why. I could only think of two restaurants where I believe that excess was the principle and I will not name them here.

I spend a good portion of my work concentrating on stocks. As Roux says stocks are the base of a great sauce. As I’ve mentioned before the veal jus that I work on is the result of a veal stock and remi combination allowed to reduce which takes three days to come to the proper consistency, clarity, colour and flavour. A sauce, it would seem to me, among certain people, is nothing but an additive, something added as an afterthought for some unknown reason. I however, as stated earlier, look at sauce as one of two things. A wonderful compliment to an extraordinary meal or as a so so drab going through the motions experience. Stocks are the very lifeblood of sauces. It is from their complexity that the seemingly simple sauce is born.

Roux talks about striking a happy balance and that’s what I believe a sauce is for. To create harmony between the ingredients, to accentuate rather than to thrill. Sure a sauce can be absolutely divine and thrilling but what is its purpose?

Having read this book this morning and learning that Roux created more than 100 sauces (most of which were included in the book) caused me to see that there is so much to learn. For example he has one sauce that he uses that caused me to think that perhaps I would use it as a base and change minor elements within it to reflect the flavour profile that I am seeking. And I am seeking a flavour profile. I just don’t know exactly how to explain it yet.

Roux is a talented writer and an even more talented Chef. I would strongly recommend this book for anyone who is serious about cooking. It opened up my eyes to how I can create a dish starting at the end (the sauce) or at the beginning (the main ingredient or star of the plate). There are no hard and fast rules as to how to create a dish and lately I seem to find myself starting in the middle. With an ingredient but no divine inspiration with what to do with it. That is of course until I figure out accompaniments and sauce.

I understand why Executive Chef gave me this book to go through next. It is another element in the classical training that I am receiving.

I also went through the Nigel Didcock book over the past week or so. I really liked some of the elements of his dishes, he presents beautiful plates and without knowingly having eaten something he created (I’ve been to the Granite Club quite a bit growing up) I can’t comment on flavour. I can say that there is a great complexity to his dishes and I wondered whether or not the complexity would still allow the flavour to come through as the star or whether it was the presentation itself. I can tell you that the recipes sound incredible and I will attempt to do one or two of his dishes.

I keep going back to the question form over function. Form? Or Function? Or both? Can there be a harmony between the two on the plate. I believe there can be and it is something that I work on. I also believe that Head and Executive Chefs present plates that are beautiful but moreover that the taste is the star of the show no question.

At any rate, now I’m going back to read the CIA’s “The Professional Chef.” I will be back later today with an update on that. I’m so excited at all I am learning and I can actually feel it in the depth of my soul. Genuinely happy and out there trying to be me is a wonderful place to be in my life… FINALLY!

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said; “The high prize of life, the crowning fortune of man, is to be born with a bias to some pursuit which finds him in employment and happiness.” Happiness is not some elusive conceptual dreamland. It is a reality that you can choose to live each and every day. Finally, after 33 years of life I internally (and outwardly) know that I have found that purpose and moreover that that purpose has brought me endless happiness and hitherto untold joy. Who knew?

I’ll be back, but in the time between then and now, dream inspired, love life, laugh and sing.

A la prochaine

SDM

The CAC Effect (File under Cigarettes, Alcohol and Coffee)

I recall that someone, somewhere once said what a long strange trip it’s been. (Of course I know who it is but liked the line.) I also seem to recall about some fear and loathing. Perhaps I should write about that in the sense of the kitchen. Though the reason that I started with the CAC effect is that to some degree that is what the kitchen is fueled on. In some cases far more than others but it is interesting. Even before I started at Reservation I was aware of this (he says dryly as he sips a Tullamore Dew in honour of his Irish Heritage, care of the Catholic Church declaring that today is because of Holy Week Saint Patrick’s Day, I wonder how Saint Patrick feels about that). At any rate I have had a topsy-turvy kind of week. Ups and downs. Successes and failures yet I keep reminding myself that this is my dream and Mama said there’d be days like these. Days like these my Mama said.

I’d also like to give a massive shout out to Mon Petit Oiseau, C, on completing her introductory course at Stella Adler. I am so proud of you you can’t even understand. Way to go and I hope you have a blast tonight my Fendi Phoenix.

Choron Sauce

To make a Choron Sauce is not as easy as it sounds. I think that most people think of a Choron Sauce as something that you just whip together and it is bound to taste good. Au contrare mon amis, Choron can be one difficult guy to sauce. Pardon the humour (save of course on Saint Patrick’s Day when everyone is Irish).

This week I made the Choron four times. Once I had it split on me. Splitting for those not in the know is when the proper binding does not take place. In this case with eggs and butter. The temperament of the sauce is such that if you undercook the eggs it tastes too eggy and is not good (especially when it is meant as a compliment to Lobster Eggs Benedict). If you overcook the egg the butter will not bind. And if you add the butter too quickly and not whisking vigorously enough you might as well let the chickens come home to roost because your sauce is going to be CRAP. I did manage to make two this week that held all through service. Once Exec Chef said to me that it wasn’t too bad and the other time that it was pretty good. In making the sauce all the time now I am beginning to find the right acidity level and approximating the cooking times of the eggs to create the best environment for the butter to bind. By the way, we are not talking about a little bit of butter. I need to convince, cajole and placate the eggs in order to take in a full pound to a pound and a half of butter. Think it’s easy. Feel free to give it a try. Let me know how it works for you. As an aside, all the recipes I’ve seen on the Internet are not the way that we do it at Reservation.

My Hands

My hands have always been my lifeblood. At least in some way. Whether it was writing or delivering garbage bins, I have always used my hands. BUT NEVER like I do now. My hands constantly ache. I imagine that the pain is akin to osteoarthritis. They are consistently sore and I believe that it is because my hands are using muscles they have not used and certainly not to the same degree that they are used now. I peel hundreds of pounds of potatoes each week, at least one hundred pounds carrots, I chop, carve, cut, peel, slice, julienne, brunoise and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Please don’t take what I’m saying as complaining either because it certainly isn’t. It is merely acknowledging openly the pain connected with my dream. I am also certain that the pain will subside as time goes on. As the muscles get stronger. Just for now, it is quite interesting as it even hurts to pick up a pen and anyone that knows my history would know that my life has been riddled by the pain of not being able to pick up a pen. TRUE FACT!

Garde Manger

I WANT TO BE GARDE MANGER ASAP! I work each day paying attention to the Mise En Place. The way that things are done. Plating. Speed. Detail! I know that I am an apprentice cook but I have undertaken a very serious thing here. MY DREAMS! My hopes. My aspirations and I work each day toward them. It is my fervent wish to be the Garde Manger by the time the summer comes. This week I really wanted to get in there and plate some stuff but unfortunately (fortunately though in terms of work) we have a couple of students in for their co-op. In fact it is interesting because S, the Garde Manger, has taken the female co-op student under her wing and it has made it more difficult for me to step up to the plate.

I even remarked to both Head and Executive Chef today that I am itching to get to the line. To contribute even more than I already am. “Put me in the game coach. I’m ready!” Instead this week due to the circumstances I felt more like a Hanson in Slap Shot; “I go to the box, I feel shame.”

Butternut Squash Soup fort 190 People

Tonight there is an event at Reservation. One of the dishes is a Roasted Butternut Squash Soup. I stepped up to the plate yesterday and decided that I was going to make the soup. I didn’t ask nor did I wait for someone to tell me. I assumed the roll as I feel that that is the way that you advance inside the restaurant industry. I did ask how to go about making the soup but not much more. As it turns out I produced about 100 litres and it was a little thin. Ends up that the cream that I added is supposed to thicken the soup. However, as I was worried about volume being given conflicting answers as to the yield that I required I did water it down a bit. C, can tell you that the roasted Butternut Squash Soup that I make at home has an awesome consistency, is thick and much to my surprise is not far from the recipe used at Reservation. And I have never looked at a recipe (until recently). Much of today was spent reducing the soup and thickening it up by J (the Poissonier). Have any of you tried to make 70 litres of soup before?

My Joy and My Dream

Everyday I get better at what I am doing. I understand the concepts and the principles. As I said in an earlier post. I have never been good with rules, but principles on the other hand I have never had a problem with. I am more comfortable with Canapés, the line, prep, receiving and the kitchen environment. I have started to put my head down, nose to the grindstone, whatever you want to term it so that my work speaks for itself. Oh sure I will still laugh with L and others but I want to be respected, taken seriously and acknowledged by my peers as someone that is serious and will eventually own restaurants.

I now know joy beyond anything I have ever known. I wake up each day whether with two hours sleep or sixteen with a Cheshire Cat grin. Confidant in the knowledge that I am in the right place. Working with the right people and for the first time in my life dedicating myself to the right thing. A funny thing happened on the way to my dream. I’ve said this a few times but it is absolutely true. A funny thing did happen to me on the way to my dream. I found myself. I exposed my innards with devoted honesty; I looked myself in the mirror and took great time exploring who I was, what I wanted and what I wanted to be. Not for anyone else but myself. Everyday, I wake with a joy that I assumed was reserved for someone other than me. But no more.

Studying

All of my free time is spent either studying or sleeping. This week I did a couple of experiments and learned from them. I finished Michel Bras’ “Essential Cuisine” and found myself asking all kinds of questions related not only to food but also my future. I read voraciously, as anyone who know me can tell you. I am now applying all the knowledge that my mother rammed into my hard head and yes even some of my fathers too. It is funny how a thought about Plato’s Cave can lead to a realization about Choron, or Veal Stock or Remi. I find that the more I study the more questions I have. The more knowledge I seek the more holes I realize are there and it EXCITES me, it alleviates my fears and drives me ever forward. I know that some are expecting at Reservation that I will break, I will stop being happy, or enjoying what I’m doing but only C and I have a clear picture of what the future holds. And that is because we are active participants in our lives. That and you can make the decision to be happy, to enjoy what you’re doing (as long as it is truly what you want to do). I live for today because I know that thinking the future will be better is stupid. The future is grounded in the steps I take today. AND YOU TOO.

Tonight I am reading Nigel Didcock’s “Capturing the Spirit” (http://www.chefdb.com/nm/275/ ) his plates are gorgeous and I don’t know much more than that at the moment.

Life or something like it

In the past two months I have become a real man. I have found myself. I have realized that first step in the journey to my dream and I have found a genuine happiness that is resplendent with copious amounts of vibrant joy. As I’ve said before my only regret is that I did not start this journey earlier as so many people had tried to get me to do. C, you’ve stood by me and I appreciate it and adore you for your courage, strength and devotion. Get ready when you get home to see what my true joy looks like. I think it will surprise even you. Thanks to my family for being there for me on what seemed like an endless journey. J.M. thank you for your friendship and opening the door of possibility for my future. E, thank you for listening to J.M. Executive and Head Chefs, thank you for your faith, your belief and your chance. I strive each day to honour what you’ve enabled me to do and I look forward to the day I can have you both at my restaurant and I do think that a Petrus would be in order.

That said it is time for me to start studying but I leave you as I always do with a nugget of truth, a kernel of reason to allow you to open your pathway to your dream. Please dream inspired, big and shoot for the stars, they are ours for the taking if you are willing to work.

“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”

Are you brave enough to be too weird AND TO LIVE! Be inspired today and do something that scares the shit out of you.

A la prochaine

SDM

Personal Development (file under rude awakenings)

Arriving at work I was a little sheepish. I had known that my error in the scheme of things the night before was about half a point out of a hundred. But I am extremely hard on myself. I want so badly to do well, to succeed, to be better each day that when things like what happened last night I momentarily get a little down. In this case my moment lasted overnight. As I went in to work all I could think about was the plate toppling over, again and again and again in my mind like a replay of some incredible sporting moment. As I parked the car I sat and wrote a note to my C and then realized that I need to just clear my head and DO MY JOB!

As I walked through the door I was expecting an onslaught of firestorm for the way I handled the night before. Instead it was pretty much business as usual. I got changed into my whites and started work on the remi. Yesterday I had mentioned to chef that “my bones” for stock were coming in later and that it was messing with my time. Problem solved he changed the time. As such I was able to start the remi at ten minutes after ten. Before doing this though I pulled out my notebook and wrote the following note;

TODAY IS A NEW DAY
YOU START FROM 0
AND ASPIRE TO NEAR PERFECTION!
(I said near as I don’t believe there is perfection in the kitchen as perfection is not objective)

Almost as soon as I had written this I felt a gentle transformation take place inside of me. Framing my day and the rest of my life this way is genuinely important to me as I NEVER want to rest on my laurels. I consistently want to become better, learn more, get faster and be the BEST CHEF!

Moreover the Pastry Chef again let me know that I am too hard on myself. It is their job to be hard on me so that I get better. The pressure of working in a kitchen could get to some people but not me. I thrive on it. I want to be better. Get faster. Stronger. Each day brings me one step closer. It is nice to know that people can see that I am being hard on myself. I feel as if I have come so late in the game that I need to get better faster. But when I actually think about it I have the following words ringing in my ears; “Mistakes will happen. TIME AND EXPERIENCE!

My day consisted of lots of prep for a wedding that was happening tonight. There was a lot to get done. I learned how to lay out enough fruit, crackers, cheese, etc. for twenty-five people. I’m still a bit shaky on amount but this wedding gave me a good frame to move forward as I now have a baseline.

The following were my notes on my prep list for the day;

Remi (10:10)
Cheese plate x 25
Fruit plate x 25
Roasted Garlic Cream Cheese
Dill Sour Cream
Crispy Leek Rings (First cut, then fry)
Cucumber Coins
Canapé Gauffrettes
Pita Points
Flat Bread
Wasabi Peas
Chips
Pretzels
Crackers
Walnuts
Crab cakes
Shrimp
Render Muscovy Duck

The wedding was for 121 people and went off without a hitch. Working the line I felt great. My speed was getting better and I was able to actually hear the calls for each plate as they moved from starch, to veg, to protein, to sauce, to garnish and then gone. I don’t think many people realize the frenetic pace of a kitchen. It really is controlled chaos and there is much to learn. I was in charge of laying down the veg and for the first time I did not hold up the line. It was exciting and made me smile as I remembered what I had put into my book at the top to frame my day.

I’ve also started making little diagrams as to how the food is supposed to be plated. I am no artist and am limited basically to stick figures. This is something that I believe is going to change because of the journey that I am on. It is exciting!

So today was far better than yesterday. Though yesterday was great up until my little fiasco with the scallops. Every day I am learning, growing, adjusting and becoming better. And that is my ultimate pursuit. To be better each day than the last!

I had a couple of great, though quick, conversations with Exec Chef and Head Chef over the course of the day and with Chef J. Each of them giving me different insights. In fact, Head Chef’s birthday is this week so he was in having a special dinner prepared for him. Chef J realized only after that I was still there and apologized for not bringing me up to see what he was doing. He explained his dish and let me taste each of the components. After I was finished I again went over to our sister restaurant and had a beer. Chef J brought out another course and explained it to me. He then said that I should stay put; he went back into the kitchen and got me a sample of his dish. Our Sommelier then walked out with a beautiful pairing for the dish showing it to me before he gave it to Head Chef. I thought it was a fantastic pairing just by knowledge but after I had a small sip to refresh my pallet and then the sample of the curry duck dish I was blown away. The dish was texturally great, flavoured perfectly with a punch in the face that was a subtle as anything I have ever had. The pairing of the apricot that was curried really brought out the deeper flavour of the duck and as I said the wine was perfect. DID I MENTION I LOVE WORKING HERE! I was grateful that Chef J had thought to let me try the next dish (he actually apologized for not letting me see the construction of and taste a sample of the earlier dish. I am so in the right place).

Those who know me know that I have a very large soft spot for Mark Twain. Today as I was working the following quote was in my mind; “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Keep those around you that help propel your dreams not quash them. Seek them out and you will find them. I have which means you can too! Be inspired today and dream big.

A la prochaine

SDM

Happy Anniversary & Self Disappointment (file under FOCUS)

Fist off. Happy Anniversary C! 6 glorious years together and many more to come as we pursue our dreams, our love and each other ever more. YOU ARE THE BEST!

So my day started off well enough. In fact I had had a pretty good day. Though I felt lonely and was thinking of my love all day I was really on fire. I figured the best way I could honour her was to do my absolute best. Which I did until the very end of my day (more on this later).

Even in the short amount of time that I have been at Reservation I have watched as my skills have improved. Think of it kind of like being a child. First you intuitively realize that you can get parts of your body to move where you want them. Then you start to crawl. Then you think that you can stand and you fall down. Finally one day your legs seem ready, your entire body is focused on standing up on your own. Then you fall… Hard! But because you are a child, and you don’t know any better or any worse you get back up and after a few attempts you actually walk a few feet from Mommy to Daddy or vice versa. Well in reality what I am going through right now is no different. Save that I am conscious of what I am doing AND that my consciousness gets in the way.

I think about it like this… I came into the kitchen with only my personal experience. Most of which was far and away not what the kitchen should be. My knife skills were horrible. My Mise en Place was MERDE!!!!! My cleaning was atrocious. I was basically like a little child with no clue. But conscious. Then I started and the first day I realized that I could control my muscles. Muscles that are quite different than the muscles that I had used before. This made my arms and hands tired, calloused, cut and bruised. But like a child I kept going. I made the decision a long time ago that this was my dream and that I would do whatever it takes. This lessened the blows to both my body and spirit (though the blows still exist). Like the line from the Matrix when Neo goes to see the Oracle and the little Buddhist boy is there; “There is no spoon!” After week one my hands started doing what I wanted them to not the other way around. This is akin to starting to crawl. Now my knife skills are getting close to the walking point and eventually I will run. I look forward to running but first I want to be able to walk. Slow, deliberate and conscious of what I am doing I am witness to my own transformation AND loving it!

I learned how to make a dark chicken stock today. It is a little different from the Veal stock (naturally) but it is thrilling that I now know the basic principles behind stock making and that I have gone from being relatively slow in the assembly to knowing where things are and getting it done. I LOVE GETTING THINGS CROSSED OF MY LIST! A list is one of the most important tools a chef can use. Over the course of a day there may be five hundred things that need to get done and if it is only in your head it is easy to get confused, lost or worse forget thereby screwing you up at a moment when you have no time or ability to fix the mistake. As such (though I’ve never been a lister just ask C) I am now duteous and record my lists and cross everything off as I go.

The day went by rather quickly. It was filled with my usual prep and lots more. After I was done all my work I asked if I could punch out to watch the line. Naturally (it is February after all) we were not that busy so my ability to watch the line in action was limited. As such I asked Head Chef if I might be able to go for a glass of wine in our sister restaurant to celebrate my anniversary (and to wait for the stocks I was working on to be ready so I could package them away). So I went over and had an exceptional glass of wine. Head Chef noticed that I was writing on “his butcher paper” and asked what I was doing. I explained and told him that as long as I was with him I would probably use a lot and was willing to buy a role. He refused my offer but asked me to do something for him (which I will) but I will not share it here, as it is deeply personal. He proceeded to explain a few things to me seizing the moment to chat.

He explained the differences between he and Exec Chef as he saw them. As well as everyone else in the kitchen. He then asked me what he had given me; to which I responded a chance by allowing me into his kitchen. He let me know that I was wrong; that he in fact had not given me that, that I had sought out the kitchen and came to him. He then asked the question again and I answered knowledge. Again he proceeded to tell me something that was just for me but it made me feel very good and gave me further insight into him and the dynamic of the restaurant. Head Chef also let me know that I am the best person and most knowledgable about making stocks in his kitchen. He asked who was more knowledgable and I answered everyone to which eh said no. I said he was and he said yes I’ve given you the knowledge but you are the person that is doing it day in and day out in the kitchen with the recipe. IT FELT AWESOME HEARING THAT!

Head Chef came back and asked after a few minutes if I would like to help plate a very special dinner we were hosting for Garland (www.garlandcanada.ca). Naturally, I said of course. Jumped up finishing my wine, ran back in to change into my whites and then like a kid in a candy store waited diligently watching and waiting.

When the time came I was extremely excited and as I was plating the appetizer course everything was fine with the first plates. I plated half fairly quickly (though still not quick enough… think crawling). I went to switch to the other plate holding the scallops when tragedy struck.

In super slow motion as I was passing behind Exec Chef, my hands were trembling, I watched as the plate of 11 scallops decided to do a triple lutz and land on its ass even worse than Tanya Harding on Olympic tryouts. I had screwed up half the appetizers for an important dinner. It was insane as I replayed the incident over in my mind at least thirty times in the next ten minutes and could not understand for the life of me how it dropped. I felt like an idiot, moronic and started beating myself up right away.

You’ll recall that I wrote a while ago about how Exec Chef had told me to watch how both he and Head Chef deal with adverse issues quickly. That this was a skill that separates those who are good. How they deal with adversity in a time crunch. In this case before I had even known it I had made a count of the plates, told Head Chef and he started the work on the 11 that I dropped (fresh naturally as I threw out the ones that fell). After that was done I had time to reflect. I didn’t plate the last 11 but I did do the garnish. I leaned up against the mixer and Exec Chef noticed that my head was not in the right spot. He looked right at me and said; “Stop lamenting!” I got his meaning right away but was not able to shake it. As such I moved on to the jobs that I had stayed to finish and then packed myself up and left.

What did I learn from this experience? First. At least for now, no wine while working at plating (even if I am off the clock). Secondly, do not tuck tail and run. Find the solution. First try to find the elegant solution. If there is not one find one that works as soon as possible. Third, do not run period. Do your job. Stay on point and on the line. There is very little that cannot be accomplished in you keep your head in the game.

I am meant to be where I am. I was born to be in a kitchen. I am passionate, hard working, extremely motivated to learn and I want to be on the line. BUT, not before I am ready! I have put my trust in both Exec Chef and Head Chef as they have in me. I know that they will not let me down and I know that I will work tirelessly, without complaint, to not let them down.

That said, I’ve included a picture in this post of how Head Chef explained something to me and my locker and a sample of what food we serve looks like. Obviously I blacked out the names on the lockers.






Moreover, I think that this quote from General George S. Patton; “I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?"” Indeed, why not me?



And why not you? Be inspired today, dream big and work towards that dream.

A la prochaine

SDM

Lunar Eclipse, The Shine of Love and Working the Line! (File under Great Day though lonely)

In a scant few hours my love and I will be celebrating six glorious, wonderful, magnificent and inspiring years together. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABE, in prolepsis I await your triumphant return and the life that we will share together in pursuit of our betterment and our individual and collective dreams. You are my raison d’etre and I am always grateful and humbled by your love. I miss you!

Last night was both a full moon and a full lunar eclipse. I took a few pics that are included in this post. I hope everyone else had the incredible experience that I did. I wondered what it was like long ago when people could not explain what was going on. I wondered if there was pandemonium, fear, anxiety or calm. For me I find it very calming and in fact quite inspiring. For some reason I am pretty tied into the moon. When it is full I get a little weird but last night I was all smiles, laughter and joy. Possibly because I knew that the next one would see me married, buying a home, starting a family and one day closer to fulfilling my ultimate dream. Good times and feelings!




Today was a great day! I arrived an hour early for my shift and got right to work. I had to get the remoulage off and start combining it with my stock from yesterday. I then started to prepare for a big party we have this weekend that is sure to keep me very busy. But with L (the Machin’ as I’ve taken to calling him) it will pass in no time. He is quite funny and is appreciative of my experience level and that I am trying. He does pick my brain on all kinds of political and historical stuff. World events etc. But the way I see it it is a fair trade (that and I’ve learned not to be so brash about it) in that he is teaching me all he knows too.

I just wanted to touch on the theme of family again. I grew up in a very large family. There were always comings and goings, ups and downs, trials and tribulations. But family always finds a way to make it through. To survive. It actually is a very interesting dynamic to families that almost anything can happen and then core will find a way (though at times it is super difficult) to remain intact. In the kitchen (which I haven’t touched on much yet but will now) there is a high degree of stress. There is pressure to deliver on time, deliver quality, deliver preparations, deliver all of yourself openly so that it is reflected in the food (and in the front of house the service). Although there is a little disconnect between the Front of House and the back it is generally understood that a kitchen operates the way it does out of necessity.

The day starts off at a pretty easy pace. Everyone staggers in at various times (stagger meaning time not hung-over although… Just kidding). Each has his or her own ritual. Coffee, cigarette, read the day sheets, whatever it is. The pace after a couple of hours picks up steam as there is a greater sense of urgency and the desire to get as much crossed off your prep list as possible. By late afternoon there is a serious buzz. People are all crossing each other; “Behind… Hot pot… Hot… Beside,” etc. If you can imagine an entire colony of ants, or termites, all working at their task with very little necessary communication that is precisely what a kitchen is like. However due to the nature of the work, the stress and the ‘family’ atmosphere there is lots of good natured ribbing, dirty talk, laughter and yes even anger. But like I have practiced for my whole life. It is momentary and passes. Deal with it. MOVE ON! Watching this a few times over the past few weeks I have marveled at how exact the two families operate; My blood family and now my chosen family. It really is cool!

So this morning I dealt with the things I do everyday and then had to make fruit compote (SO DELICIOUS) and a few other things. Head Chef let S know that when I was done the few things that I was doing that it was his turn to give me some tasks. Sure enough when I was done it was time to learn how to make a new stock! It was a fish stock and involves a lot of detail. As always, I’m not going to divulge how it is done but as always I paid careful attention and was happy with the finished product. It doesn’t take as long as Veal stock. In fact you can go from start to finish in less than a days work.

We weren’t so busy today and as a result I did what was asked of me (and more) and then asked if it would be alright if I punched out and watched the line. The answer was of course and I was excited. When we aren’t so busy it becomes a little easier to observe things. Of course the pace is a little slower which is helpful but I really want to get a handle on how it works in real time. I learned how to prepare six dishes tonight and how to plate them. AND IT FEELS SO GOOD! I had the biggest smile on my face. I started observing at the Garde Manger station and did so for about half an hour. As our line was only three people tonight, Exec Chef, J and female S Exec Chef said when I was done watching the plate being done that I should come on over and help him (he was working Entremetier and Saucier). It was the first time I got to watch his eyes closely, the way his hands moved, the way that his mind moved from plate to plate and I HAVE SO FAR TO GO! As I got there Exec Chef told me I was going to be working Entremetier. He walked me through each step and explained what I was doing.

You would expect a man with that much culinary prowess to be a hard ass. Speaking roughly to his staff and constantly barking. But that is not the case at all. His manner is soft but informed, gentle but determined. He looked at the orders that were on the pass and quickly sized it up for me. Okay you need to mash this, put on the fricassee, etc. The knowledge I receive at moments like that is both practical and informative. For example, when using a round on a round plate, the eye will naturally find the fault so you need to be as close to the centre as possible. I sent out tenderloins, duck and a stuffed mini chicken. About fifteen in all. Mash here, an exact number of beans like this, carrots like this. Learning this way is ideal. Of course I have to work on speed but time and experience. TIME AND EXPERIENCE.

It was beyond exciting to work the line. It made me want to be there. IMMEDIATELY! But I still have a ways to go. And by a ways I mean the rest of my life. But I did find it fitting that on the eve on my anniversary that I saw another part of my dream exposed.

Anais Nin once said; “Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.”

I hope you all are finding your highest form of living. Be inspired tomorrow!

Happy Anniversary Oiseau!

A la prochaine!

SDM

Great Journey Underway (and do your job)

We were quite busy today. We had to prep for a special event for about 300 people and do a limited service through the sister restaurant. We were also prepping for brunch and another event on Sunday night.

My prep today included;

Stock and Remi
Put away receiving (Meat, Fish and Produce)
Reorganize walk in
Make candied nuts, fruit compote
Cut bread platters
Slice meat platters and plate
Cut smoked pork for eggs benedict
Cut scallions on a bias
Make crustinis
Cut brioche for mini grilled cheese
Fry off crab cakes and shrimp lollipops
Cut 65 pounds of potatoes for fries
Cut rice rounds, bread and fry off

My days are long. Filled with work. Always go, go, go! But I would have it no other way. Reservation is right around the corner from a brewery so after work (it was a lonnnnnnnnng day) A and I went over with J and the new line guy L for a drink.

The camaraderie in a kitchen is apparent both inside and out. Inside the kitchen the work as I’ve said is continual but there are lots of moments of laughter and ribbing. The same is true outside the kitchen. After J and L had left, A and I stayed for a few more drinks and talked about his stage and the kitchen and restaurant industry in general. He is going to work for 3 months at a one star Michelin restaurant in Oxford, England. He told me that it is going to be quite the experience and that he expects to learn lots.

He also made a bet with me that I wouldn’t be there when he gets back. It was part serious and part ribbing. As we spoke it became quite clear that there are lots of people that try to come into a kitchen and for a whole host of reasons just can’t cut (no pun intended) it. To survive you need to be self-deprecating, self-assured, and skilled, have the ability to work well under pressure and so much more. I think that everyone there has a hard time figuring me out. Though as A and I spoke it became clear to him (I think) what I was doing and why I was there.

I’m going to miss A. He takes time each day to ride me a little. To push me. To make me stronger, faster and better. Several times when he has seen on my face that I was flustered or something was up he will come up and slap me on the back with a little laugh and ask; “Everything okay?” or “Are you good?” He also says; "Hey S, Shut up!" or "S, stop talking!" Again it is part humour and part serious. I joke back with him now that hey I'm not talking or hey I'll shut up now okay! I know that the experience for him over there is going to be awesome and I said to him that I hope he learns lots so he can come back and kick my ass into high gear with some new knowledge. A also said to me; "If your station is a mess then your head is a mess!" It seems like such a simple statement but there is lots in it. AND I GET IT!

We shared a few drinks and then I had to go as I had to be at work at 10am (which really means I was there earlier). As I was driving home I was really thrilled that the more I work the more I seem to understand my purpose. It is plain as day what I should be doing, what I am doing and what I am going to do. My entire life up until now has been riddled, plagued even, with trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. But no more. I know who I am, I know what I want and I know what I need to do.

Do any of you have that clarity? For that clarity is truly one of the most remarkable things in my life. I feel blessed to have such clarity and conviction. It has caused me to reevaluate me from the inside out. Examine destructive behaviours and attitudes in order to progress and moreover to eliminate completely toxic behaviours that are self destructive and not conducive to living my dream.

The kitchen really is a great place to explore all of these questions and more. So to A, I would like to wish you bonne journee. Make the most of the experience my friend as it is going to be a hard and arduous journey but it will be one which will pay you back a million fold. I look forward to winning the bet. Travel safe.

To everyone else do something today in pursuit of you. Reach inside and dust off that dream. Shake it up and start exploring what it means to be you and what your mission is in life. Now that I’m living mine every day I truly feel reborn, filled with vim and vigour and ready to take on the world. I have perma smile both inside and out.

T. Harv Eker once said;

“Your life is not just about you. It’s also about contributing to others. It’s about living true to your mission and reason for being here on this earth at this time. It’s about adding your piece of the puzzle to the world. Most people are so stuck in their egos that everything revolves around me, me, and more me. But if you want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, it can’t only be about you. It has to include adding value to other people’s lives.”

I am beyond rich and I’ve always said that but now more than ever I realize that my life is enriched by the people that have taken me at my word. Head Chef and Exec Chef are both making an invaluable contribution in my life so that I can do the same. This experience is causing me to see what I want to become is what I will work tirelessly toward. The honesty of what I’m doing is crystal clear and I would like to believe that as those people are adding value to my life I too am adding value to theirs. Think about that statement for a while and then figure out what YOU’RE doing and what you WANT to do. Clarity is a wonderful thing.

Be inspired today!

SDM

Do Your Job!

A common theme to be sure at Reservation. A cook is only as good as the job he is doing presently. It is amazing to be in this environment surrounded by people that are really becoming a surrogate family for me. For the first time in my life I feel like I am in the right place surrounded by the right people and it is truly inspiring.

So I keep a notebook at work (right by my side) to take notes of what I’m doing and learning. Every morning I have now started putting a little note at the top of the page. This days was; “ I LOVE THIS JOB!”

What follows are the notes from my day as an example of how I keep track of what I’m doing;

Jus
Receive Meat
Put away Pastry
Roast Bones
Make Sun Dried filling for Chicken,
Puree Garlic
Peel 80 Pounds Yukon
Got my locker today
Put away produce
Cut Frisse
Make Hummus
Cut Yukon fries
Make Smoked Ketchup
Make Roasted Aioli
Make Chive Double Cream
Prep Omelette Station
Peel 2 more buckets potatoes
Plate Cheese
Plate Meat

Moreover so that you know this is also in conjunction with my assigned prep list now, which is;

Receive, label, Date and put away all receiving
Roast Beets, Garlic, Spaghetti Squash
Quarter Romaine
Peel baby carrots
Dice Bread
Halve Cherry Tomatoes
Put Nicoise Olives,
Shave Spaghetti Squash
Chop Romaine
Cut lards of Double Smoked Bacon
Cut Croutons
Make Truffle Vinaigrette
Peel Potatoes, Onions, Carrots
Mire Pois
White Mire Pois
Clean French beans
Puree Garlic
Grill Corn
Clean Scallions,
Herb Salad
Cut Fingerlings
Gauffrettes Russet Potatoes AND OF COURSE

Stock, Remi and Jus!

Now some of this needs to get done every day and some if it just a few times a week. But soon it will squarely rest of my shoulders to get all this done. Sounds a little daunting to some I’m sure but it is what I was born to do and this is where the journey begins.

These are the things that need to get done day in and day out for service. As the Apprentice Cook I am really making sure that the line has everything prepared for service. On top of which I have to do anything else that is thrown my way to prepare for functions with L. He is a machine. A Banquet and event machine. It is crazy watching him work, and for that matter, everyone there work. They all know what their doing, if they don’t they ask, and they do their job. Though at times they ride me a bit (its all part of the experience and getting your mind ready for more) to watch them work is a little daunting as I’m so slow and confused. I’m like a bull in a china shop and it frustrates me a bit. But to their credit they make sure that I just keep plugging away and doing my job. If I get a little frazzled I just need to slow down. Take a breath. Go for a smoke. Just get my head back into the game and then back to work.

Julia Child once said; “I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.” I started at 33 so there is definitely hope yet.

I hope you all have an inspired day.

A la prochaine

SDM

Take Two of a Cooks’ Snow Day

It has been at least a decade since Toronto has seen snow like it has been getting lately. Last night the North Pole visited our fine city again and dropped at least seven or eight inches making getting to work a very ‘fun’ (read pain in the ass) experience. Usually getting to work by the Streetcar should take about an hour. If I am fortunate enough to be driving (today I had no choice) it should take about twenty minutes. Well I guess the memo to Toronto drivers (read invading 905ers’ and beyond) didn’t get out. I was to punch in at 10 (though start at 9 as part of my learning experience which I’ve explained earlier.) as such I left my house at 8:10 thinking I would have more than enough time to get there for 9. Wishful thinking I assure you. It was my worst Sunday nightmare come true on a Wednesday. I got there as fast as I could. 9:21. Don’t get me wrong. I love the snow and I love Toronto. But I don’t love the invading hordes more marauding than Ghengis Khan and Hannibal combined. And yet I smiled. Which shocked everyone that saw my face driving and singing to Lauryn Hill.

Of course when I got there there was no parking and I read this as an indication of the day to come. Finally after moving my car a second time and paying another four bucks Chef told me that I could park in the Green P on the premises for a $10 max for fourteen hours. Done and done. But it did let me sneak in a smoke (only three today).

How did my day start? Bueller, Bueller! Naturally with draining and straining the stock, putting it into 16 litre pails, covering, label and organizing and then putting in the fridge. The other day I had let the pails sit out for a few minutes and Head Chef ran (not really running as it is ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN in the kitchen) by and explained to me why we put it away right away. BACTERIA growth and our success to keep bacteria at bay. Easy enough lesson to learn and one that only needs to be explained once. This applies to all food. Not just stock. Don’t ever leave anything out AND definitely make sure that you mark what it is, what the date was and then put it away.

Today was the first day I didn’t really ask anyone what to do. Common sense, which is by no means common, dictated that I start getting the Mise ready for everyone on the line. As such I roasted an entire bus pan of beets. Peeled the carrots. Cut potatoes in three different ways with three different varieties. Naturally there was the Yukon Gold for the hand cut (my hand) French fries, Russets for gauffrettes and Fingerlings for rounds. Two of those starches are used by the Saucier and J who is the Entremetier uses the other.

This is a good time to explain the stations of a professional kitchen. Essentially you have the Executive Chef, then the Head Chef. These two positions are pretty self-explanatory. Then you have the Saucier (A in our kitchen). The Saucier in our kitchen is responsible for prepping all the meats, trimming, carving and creating the proper portion sizes. He is also responsible for preparing the sauces, grilling the meats and final plating along with Head Chef. In the absence of Head Chef and Exec it is he who runs the line. A is in his middle twenties and at the top of his game. He is about to go on another stage (10 days or so from now, maybe even less) at a fabulous restaurant in Oxford, England. After him you have the Poissonier (D in our kitchen). It is his job as the name suggests to butcher the fish, prepare it and then serve it. After him you have J who is the Entremetier who is responsible for all hot apps, soups, vegetables and starches. Finally in our kitchen you have S (a woman from Korea) who is the Garde Manger, it is her duty to prepare all the salads, cold apps and deserts. This team is amazing and very good at what they do. It is quite a spectacle to behold. And if you have the option to see a professional brigade at work you should. They are lighting fast and laser accurate. Think of SEALS, RANGERS, MOSSAD, GHURKAS or any other special force in the world.

I then had to vacuum pack various items including duck that our Saucier had just prepared and package it in units of ten. The Poissonier finished portioning some fish (Mon Fish, Salmon, Grouper) along with the help of SH who is one of the cooks at our sister restaurant. I had to pack away 3 different type of fish. I then vac packed the jus that I had completed last week and put it away for safe keeping in the walk in freezer. I learned another lesson on that note tonight. Do not lose any of the jus.

It literally is a sheeny black gold. I lost about a litre tonight as the vac pack seal did not hold. It put me in a pretty low mood for a bit as I know how valuable it is to Chef and in hard currency. I did apologize profusely. The problem was that I didn’t remove the spacer boards and as such the jus flowed over and spilled covering a good sixth of an inch of the vac pack machine. Good times, really! I told Head Chef that I owe him a few beers when the opportunity next avails itself.

I was scheduled to work until 8 tonight and as I mentioned earlier I got my snow day. I punched out at 7:48. AND I forgot to sign the sign out sheet. I was just excited to get home and write about my day I suppose. I realized it after I was about five minutes away. No big loss.

Exec Chef loaned me another of his books for my day off tomorrow. It is In Search of Perfection by Heston Blumenthal. Though he did tell me to just look at it and not get to deeply into it. This plays on a component of our conversation last night in which he cautioned me from only devoting myself to this. A wise man; Exec Chef said that I need to devote time to my other passions (here is one obviously) but he made it clear that it had to be separate from the kitchen and with as much enthusiasm. He explained that eventually I will have to put the other on the back burner but for now it is important so that my head stays in the game. I understood what he was saying on numerous levels.

Another one of the fantastic benefits of chasing my dream is that it has caused me to start looking at myself, inwardly and those around me. It has helped me to start questioning certain things and to start writing again. A passionate soulful writing that is directly related to me as opposed to the world around me. It feels wonderful and it is a great legacy to hand to my children so they can see how I became the man I became.

None of this would have been possible without my family. Directly the love of my life C who has been an unconditional supporter of mine (which at times has been beyond hard she must be an angel, certainly mine). A constant source of inspiration and a graceful source of sage like wisdom. Her family, my family and my closest friends and you know who you are (who are part of my family of course). I thank you all for your guidance, your support, your love, your criticism but most of all your continued faith in me. I will show you all that you were right in more ways than one. I love you all! I value you and hope that some day I can repay your unfettered kindness.

J.R.R. Tolkien once said; “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”

Which brings me to another point. As I studied Political Science and History while at University I’ve often wondered how much depends on the meals they (you know the marble halls and mahogany desk types) eat. I heard someone else say that the other day and I laughed as I thought I was the only one to think about that. I mean really, if Khrushchev and Kennedy had eaten a horrible meal in Vienna would I be writing this at this very moment? Would mushroom clouds have filled the sky because the Carbonara or Thermador was cooked incorrectly? Or if Kissinger had sat down a little earlier over some great French meal with the Vietnamese would less Americans have died? Pardon the pun but it truly is food for thought!

I hope you had a day filled with wonder and delight and make tomorrow an inspired day in your own personal pursuit of excellence.

Bonne Journee et a la Prochaine!

SDM

Blood, Gore & Guts

Today was an interesting day! I’m sure you all are beginning to see a theme. ALL MY DAYS ARE INTERESTING! And so too should yours be!

Like yesterday which was a much needed day off. I spent the entire day writing and studying Girardet. All I can say to you is if you don’t know who this man is YOU MUST! He is the true master chef and I learned much in the approximate 15 hours that I spent analyzing every square inch of the book that Exec Chef had loaned me. This new direction makes me feel as if I am ten years old again and I see the rain coming so I wait until the puddles are just right and then I go running full tilt and jump into them. I feel reborn, alive and vibrant and everyday is filled not only with possibility but measured result. It is VERY CATHARTIC! Hmmm cathartic. To my day (kind of like the Batcave except… MY DAY).

I had to get up early to take Delia (C’s car) in to the shop because she, like most North Easterners developed the flu. Don’t worry she’ll be fine and now seems to be. As I was on the streetcar with Girardet in my hand and a coffee in the other I began to make mental notes in similarities between what Exec Chef does and what Girardet did. Once again it reassured me that I had chosen the right environment and that I am beyond fortunate to be studying under AND working with both Exec Chef and Head Chef.

Today the restaurant was closed for a private function. 170 people treated to the most scrumptious food in the world. Too bad they ate like rabbits. Too bad for them that is. I was like a John in a whorehouse. It truly is the beauty of genetics and a metabolism like mine otherwise I’m sure I would already be getting fat.

So naturally… Stock… Remi… Jus but then peel, chop and cut. Which brings us to the subject at hand.

I’m certain that at least one or two of you has thought about the fact that chefs must cut themselves (not that I would dare call myself a chef at the moment but the point still stands). OF COURSE THEY DO and so to do APPRENTICE COOKS.

On the very first day that I was in the kitchen, Head Chef was explaining to me the way that things were done. The proper way. HIS WAY! These things included the way that a knife faces when it is sitting on the board. How many towels you have. Clean your station, etc. One such note was to make sure that you had proper knife handling skills.

So there I am having peeled a hotel pan of carrots and I was proceeding quite nicely. I was in fact shocked at how well I was doing. I was impressed with myself. (Fool!) Casually I am picking up speed and then my hand slips and the knife starts to fall. So what does dumb ass do; one thing that Head Chef told him he MUST NEVER DO – Try to catch a knife.

For most of you, the knives that you use are sharpish but not nearly as sharp as a Mac SA-70 (http://www.macknife.com/superior.html ). I didn’t even realize the amount of blood that was coming out of my hand until someone pointed it out. I was bleeding quite profusely; I mean literally, Hawkeye could have filled three patients full of my plasma. Blood and gore… At any rate this brings me to the point… What happens when a cut happens in the kitchen?

First the person, in this case me, immediately leaves where I’m working. You run your hand under cold water and then apply pressure and hold your hand over your head for a minute or two. Then, because I am the FNG the number 3 in the restaurant says stick out your hand. Of course being the FNG I listen, he then quickly pulls out a bottle of crazy antiseptic which causes me to shriek like a girl whose just seen a mouse running across her dormitory floor. AHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE F^%$%#&^#! And every one around laughs. Truth be told it is quite funny. After a minute or two the deep seething pain of the antiseptic subsides and I continue to do my first aid. Another spray or two of antiseptic (it is much easier to take when you know its coming but still insanely painful). Then wipe it down. Put a band-aid over it and then cover with a finger condom. I promise I will soon start adding pics to the blog so that you can see. Probably on Monday when I have some time.

After being finished with the first aid I return to my station. Remove the cutting board I was using and place it in the dish pit so that it can be cleaned and sterilized. Then I throw out any and all product that could (not even was) COULD have been contaminated by my blood. I then take the knife that I so cleverly was trying to do my best impression of a man with only three fingers and a thumb with to the sink and clean it thoroughly. After that it is like nothing happened and with your finger raincoat on you go right back to work.

As such, to any and all of you who had ever worried about that sort of thing, that is the standard operating procedure in a high-end restaurant. And it is strictly adhered to.

I spent a few minutes over a cigarette speaking with Exec Chef about some of the terms I couldn’t find in my Larouse Gastronomique. It is funny watching as I ask my questions as I can clearly see a man that appreciates my passion, enthusiasm and dedication.

As I was leaving tonight I said to Exec Chef that once I had a handle on everything I wouldn’t have to ask questions about certain things. A bright smile comes over his face and a hearty chuckle; “ Don’t worry, we know the process.” I then had to laugh. I now am in the habit of giving everyone a props fist when I get in and a props fist or a handshake when I leave. There is something to be said about that action when it is genuine that serves to bond people unlike the emptiness of many “business” handshakes. There is a stark reality, a gritty realness to the kitchen and I hope that you all are beginning to see how wonderful a professional kitchen can be.

Lord Byron said in Don Juan; “All human history attests
That happiness for man,—the hungry sinner!—
Since Eve ate apples, much depends on dinner.”

And to that I say, yes much depends on dinner AND the people that make it. Make sure you all take the time to thank the people who cook in your lives. There is more truth in that meal than on most corners anywhere on earth.

I hope you all have an inspired day AND be grateful for what you have because there is always, ALWAYS somebody who has less than you and you should take the time to appreciate what you’ve got NOT what you want!

Stay tuned…

SDM

Executive Chef

I arrived today bright eyed and bushy tailed at 8:45 am. When I walked in there was no one there and there were only two notes directing me what to do. As such when orders came in, I checked the orders and signed the invoices. Before doing that I started roasting the bones for the stock, as that is the first thing that I am supposed to do each day. I proceeded to pull the other stocks out of “the grocery store” as well as the remi and started to combine the two in order to make the jus.

Order after order came in and I had to make sure that I checked and double-checked each order. Vegetables. Proteins and more. All of it came through the door in the fist hour or so that I was there. Then I started to prepare the Mise for the line. Cutting tomatoes, potatoes, nicoise olives, romaine lettuce, etc.

Have you ever peeled a baby carrot? Making sure to only take off enough that it still maintains its natural shape? Of course it sounds easy but it is not. That is until you peel a few hundred of them, then you experientially. It then becomes obvious to you what you need to do and how you need to do it.

I was going to quit smoking today and had gone about sixteen hours before I got screamed at. Don’t worry it wasn’t anything I did. This particular persons dog had died and being the FNG (fucking new guy) it was safe for him to haul off on me. I did take it in stride but I needed a cigarette afterward. Don’t worry I only had a couple and am still dedicated to quitting.

On a few occasions I got to ask Exec Chef a series of questions today. I asked about Stages (going out to learn more), how to build a menu, gastriques, etc. I also asked if he could recommend some restaurants in NYC as my baby is there and there is someone that will take her out. He concluded the same as I; “First stop Daniels!” I agree!

One note about stages. The Saucier told me in a lengthy conversation today that stages officially end somewhere around thirty. This put me in a bit of a blue funk but then after speaking to Exec Chef he told me that yes that was true officially but that a year from now he would be happy to pick up the phone for me and open the door. He also told me that I had to start saving, set up an account so that I could cover the stage myself although he would be able to arrange room and board. I already know where I want to do my first two stages. I didn’t tell him as I felt that it was both inappropriate and unnecessary. He reassured me that when the time came he would be there for me.

That of course made me feel even better. It reassured me that I had chosen the right kitchen (though I knew I already did) and the more than perfect teacher. It is a mutual investment we are making in each other. And I plan to pay it back in spades and a little bit of sweat labour.

I also asked if he would loan me a book which would give me some insight into what it is that he does at Reservation. He was only too happy to oblige and gave me the only copy of Girardet in the country. He also again reassured me that I was doing fantastic and that I will do very well in the industry as long as I keep my good temper, ability to learn and do it quick. It was very nice to have this assurance.

He then released me early (though it was 8 pm and I clocked out a 5) as he did not feel it was right for me to do menial tasks as on my time I should be learning things. I told him that I did not look at it as menial but instead as part of the process. I finished what I had to and then left so I could come home and study with Girardet and Larousse Gastronomique and of course write to you.

That said. I have learned in my first week so much. And I have become comfortable in my own skin. For those of you waiting for that to happen. IT FINALLY HAS! And I have turned not only a new page, but developed a whole new book. Thank you for your support and you know who you are.

It is written in the Proverbs in the Old Testament; “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.” And I couldn’t agree more.

Please have an inspired day, live, love and laugh as life is far to short for petty differences. Try to put one behind you today.

SDM

What Shall I Be Called?

Never a dull moment to be sure.

A kitchen is a frenetic environment filled with what you (but not me) might consider a toss up between insanity and extreme.

I strongly believe that it takes a specific kind of person to work in a kitchen and especially to be a Chef. First off you need to be able to as I was told tonight have no self-esteem or at the very least be self-effacing. You need to be able to follow orders that are barked out so fast that even playing Nintendo Wii's mind games (Brain Buster or whatever they call it) could not possibly train you for and the ability to acknowledge you've messed up and ask for help. These are only the broad strokes.

The finer points require you to have the energy of a jackrabbit surrounded by a pack of rabid wolves. You need to be able to stand on your feet for hours on end (only twelve today for me plus two hours of travel). You need to process quickly and move faster...ALWAYS FASTER

It is imperative that you know the following expressions. They will be your bedrock and principle form of communication inside the kitchen;

Yes Chef!
No Chef!
I don't know Chef.
Coming Chef!
Thank you Chef!
Please Chef!
Can you show me Chef!
How is this Chef!

So on and so forth but you get the idea.

Also as a word of caution for anyone who is not totally freaked out of their mind yet. Anyone who watches certain TV personalities and thinks; "oh that's easy" or "I could do that" let me assure you it is nothing like you've seen on TV. I don't know if any of you are aware of this (read sarcasm here) but TV IS FAKE. It’s not real. It does not represent reality. It is merely an escapist fantasy.

Hell's Kitchen though entertaining does not accurately portray the happenings of a kitchen which does not take away from the fact that Gordon Ramsay is an extremely talented Michelin starred Chef.

So to my day. Again as I said last night I was assigned homework.

Prior to that it had been a long day that caused me to leave out the highpoint that I will share now.

I worked the line for a party (93 guests last night). I was on veg station. First we laid out the salad plates and soup bowls. 43 salads and 35 soups. Don't know what happened to the other people? Then we had to serve 43 steaks in various preparations from blue to well. Then we had approx 20 chicken and the rest were split between halibut and risotto. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life (well the first and last time I made love to C are more exhilarating but that goes without saying). It pushes you to a level that is difficult to endure and each course goes out (expedited by Exec Chef) in about seven minutes.

It is truly remarkable to be part of and it completely engrosses you.

Today started at about 11 am. Walked in and put on my Chef jacket and started to work right away. To this point I have not had to do a prep list because I have been acting as a utility but I'm pretty sure tomorrow I will have a prep list.

Started off easy enough, had to prepare a mire pois (celery, onion, leak and carrot). Easy enough to do especially when it is for stock, as you don't need to cut perfectly which is not the same as saying that it doesn't need to be uniformly done.

After that had a brief chat with Exec Chef about cold sauces that left me feeling as if I had not a clue but not because of anything he said. More something I felt, like in the time I was speaking he had forgotten more about cold sauces than I would ever know. But mentally I just too it as a challenge. Something to aspire to.

My preps today included as I've said the mire pois, then I had to skim the demi glaze (something I did about once an hour), from there it was ladling out the reduced veal stock and straining it. From there adding red wine and more water for the second rendering where as I learned today even more flavour comes out. All the while of course making sure that my station was prepared properly and then immaculately cleaned before moving on so as to prevent any cross contamination.

I then proceeded to lay out the salads for the working lunch that was happening. Just some greens with a nice vinaigrette and a potato salad while I watched Exec Chef and Chef A work on the sandwiches of roast beef and smoked turkey with roast veg.

From there it was roasting baby beets, pitting nicoise olives (which incidentally is particularly painful when you have tiny slices all over your hands. But again, I would not trade this culinary experience for anything as I truly am getting paid to learn. After that it was some more chopping, cleaning and general help.

But then (cue suspenseful music) the pasta machine came out. The roller that is. Chef J was working on some ravioli at which point Chef E said pay attention. Which I did. Anytime Chef E (or any Chef in a kitchen you are working says pay attention – better grab the pen from your sleeve and the notebook from your cargos and pay rapt attention. I watched as he rolled out the dough, egg washed, put the filling down, covered, pushed out the air, covered with a round, pushed out more air, then cut the ravioli pulling off the excess and patting down the edges. The whole process took him about three minutes. I then was thrown into the world of Ravioli making. I only got to make eight because we were wrapping it up but guess what I’ll be doing tomorrow as I’ve already prepared the filling for it. You guessed it…

Then I sliced some pancetta and baked it while I caramelized some shallots. Good times.

Another secret I learned today is how to eat on the fly. In the morning you pick at stuff while it is being prepared. In the afternoon you pick at some of the things being prepared for service and at night after service or near the end you are welcome to east whatever you want within reason (Damn I guess no Foie this week!) All in all I’m learning the ropes pretty quickly and each and every day for the rest of my life seems to be filled with surprise, excitement and you guessed it tightly controlled and organized chaos. What I have now termed the Ode to Fire!

Then after I had cleaned perfectly the prep side of the kitchen I was allowed to watch the ode to fire... It is incredible watching these people work... They are the type of people that you would see on the street and not even pay a second glance to (not for looks or anything like that) just regular folk.. But in the kitchen... They are kind of like Shakespeare’s description in the prologue of Henry V; “Oh for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention, a kingdom for a stage (the kitchen), princes to act (the Chefs) and monarchs to behold the swelling scene (the customers).”

After that I watched as we closed the kitchen down, scrubbed it to perfection. Right as it was almost done Chef E grabbed me and pulled me to the front of house to this point we had not had a chance for me to sign my employment contract or any of my relevant info. That took a couple of minutes and then Chef E spoke to me about knives. That tomorrow (today now… geez is it already that time and I’ve only been home twenty minutes) he would allow me to use all of his knives to find the ones that I am most comfortable with. Earlier in the day (I’m sure its because I’m a lefty) I had said to Exec Chef that I was not sure I liked one method of cutting and that I felt more comfortable trying to get it another way. He said there is no hard and fast rules just that the outcome needs to be the same. I’m sure I will get it no problem. So that is pretty exciting. Do any of you have any idea how expensive knives are? It is insane. But at the same time I guess that is how I make my bread and butter (aren’t I clever lol)

So as if that weren’t enough of a day... Chef E gave me an official title today. I am now the latest, greatest, inspired and ready to go Apprentice Cook in the history of Apprentice Cooks. Watch out Saucier, here I come (Soon anyway though Chef A has nothing to worry about).

Anthony Bourdain once said; "Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by Chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone ... Bad food is fake food ... food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people’s ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives. Food that’s too safe, too pasteurized, too healthy – it’s bad! There should be some risk, like unpasteurized cheese. Food is about rot, and decay, and fermentation….as much as it is also about freshness." Food truly is about experimentation and yes even traveling outside of those very safe comfort zones you’ve created. Start thinking about that. Why do you not like a certain food? Why are you afraid?

Sorry I could keep writing but I must go and do my homework. Stay tuned for the amazing adventures of Jan 25 of this newbie Apprentice Cook in the weeds and loving it.

SDM

By the way, I have decided that I am now going to call the restaurant for the purposes here Reserved! Anyone object?