Thursday, July 3, 2008

Life and Death (file under general thoughts)

I’m going to touch on my last post again for a moment as I am trying to get rid of the thoughts that are haunting me at the moment.

Life is a gift that we all share. Many of us live our everyday without thinking about how quickly it can change and more importantly end. We are living in a blissful oblivion thinking to some degree that we are invincible, that it can’t happen to us. Well one of the harsh things that has occurred to me the last couple of days is that out of death life goes on. IT marches on oblivious to death. It just keeps going.

Life is a treasure and I hope that you all treat your life that way. Of course there are the destructive things that we do to ourselves, and without getting into them, I hope that you all realize, as I have that it all can be gone… just like that.

I realized last year that I had spent my life in the pursuit of some empty goal. Some ill defined landscape that was nothing but abstract strokes even to me. Now that I am on this journey the abstract strokes have become vibrant impressions of the life I choose to live and the way I’ve chosen to live out my days. It is not an easy road but it is one which I know that I was built for. It is one that I believe I can make an impression in the world and still maintain what has been my guiding principle.

At any rate, I just wanted to say that to end of my last post after thinking about it a bit more.

Henry David Thoreau once said; “Things do not change; we change.” And I find that in this past six months I have changed more than I ever thought possible.

Define your life not by what others think. Define it by what you want it to be and then pursue it with all the energy you have. There can be no great success without great sacrifice and effort. Are you willing to sacrifice and struggle to attain what you hold most dear? Remember life is short. Are you going to live your life?

A la prochaine

SDM

The Grill (file under I’m not McDonald’s)

My loyal readers let me just tell you that working the grill for five days straight is enough to make anyone crazy. Of course when I saw the weather forecast I was excited at the thought that I might get a little break from it. But of course, what other profession can you be wrong sixty percent of the time and people still like you. Sometimes I think it must be great to be a weatherman.

Sunday started off brilliantly. As I got to work my bones were killing which is usually a sign that the rain is coming. Sure enough I started getting my prep ready and the skies opened up. I went to the Director of Operations and asked him what the plan was and he told me that he was closing me for the day no matter what happened. Of course I was glad that I would get to be inside working brunch acting as a runner. But as soon as brunch was close to being over the rethought their decision and decided that I would be open in an hour.

To give me an hour to get the grill station ready is not nearly enough time. Fortunately head Chef decided that I would be running a limited menu. That did cut down the prep time significantly but it was still a tall order to get me out in an hour. I think it ended up being an hour and twenty minutes. I was a little miffed at opening as I felt as if the sky was going to open up again at any minute but in fact it ended up being a fairly busy afternoon and after the first rush at five, I had another at seven thirty and then it slowed down significantly.

Monday was crazy. We had a private party for the International Language Academy of Canada. 700 kids, who are all learning English as a second language. At first Head Chef had said that it would be W and I working the grill alone. Within a few minutes it was obvious that we would not be able to do it alone. As such L and D came out and we started moving very well together. It really was like an assembly line which basically looked like this;

One of us was putting down the baskets that we would put the food into. We were doing this twenty five or more at a time. The next person would follow putting the buns into place. The third was putting down the lettuce and tomato as well as handing out the food and taking tickets. Of course L, being the machine that he is was working the grill and placing he burgers down on the buns. This mad rush continued for almost three and a half hours. NON STOP. It takes a lot out of you running at that speed. Not only were we doing burgers but we also had chicken fingers and fries as well as Empanadas. All of this done with one grill and one fryer. It was madness but we all kept our cool and got things done quite effectively. I loved having L out there with me because he and I can say things like left and right and the other knows immediately that the other is talking about. We work exceptionally well together.

By the time I was finished on Monday I got home around 2:15 am and then had to be back at work for Canada Day at 11 am.

Canada Day. First off Happy 141 Birthday Canada. I love this country and the many opportunities it has given not just to me but to all those who have come to this great country. I hope you all had a great day. Mine was a roller coaster which ended very badly emotionally.

The day started easy enough. I par cooked burgers and started moving over all the prep that M and I were doing. Again we were running a limited menu with Hotdogs, Sausages, Burgers, Chicken Fingers and Empanadas. None of us thought that we would be overly busy but man were we wrong. We were almost as busy as my six hundred order day. Almost but not quite. M and I worked well together once we found our rhythm.

The day was going smooth enough and I even got to have a cigarette or two. Most of the people that we work with were on site enjoying themselves and Canada Day. Head Chef was there, as was Director of Operations, A and lots of Front of House staff. Everyone was truly enjoying the weather, the music and of course the booze. I was having an alright day right up until around 5:50 pm.

There was a man in a wheel chair who was on site. I had seen him a few times throughout the day. His wife came to get a hot dog from us. It was a hot and humid day and she and her husband were spending time in the sun. After they had eaten I watched as the passed my station and I could see that something was just not right. I looked at the security guard and he sensed what I was looking at. I felt around in my pocket as my spidey sense was going off. Sure enough a few moments later someone came up and said that the man was in distress. Without missing a beat I opened my phone and dialed 911, the time was 5:58pm. I arrived where the gentleman was only as few moments later and could see that his eyes had rolled back in his head and that his tongue was sticking out. I relayed to 911 all the pertinent information and tried to take his pulse while a nurse that happened to be there started doing CPR in his chair. We decided that it would be better to get the gentlemen out of the chair and continue CPR. I directed the Security Guard to go to the entrance to guide the emergency vehicles in. I stayed on the line with 911 but was not feeling a pulse at all where only moments before it was there but really faint. He began to turn purple and I knew at that moment that it was too late. There was nothing that anyone could do for him at that point. I immediately made sure to get the wife sitting down and drinking a bottle of water trying to console her letting her know everyone was doing everything they could do. 911 thanked me for my calm and cool and let me know that I should just continue doing what I was and that it was okay for me to get off the line now that responders were on site.

I informed the emergency responders all the pertinent information and watched as they quickly transferred him to a stretcher while trying to get him breathing and clearing his passageway. I also made sure that security pushed everyone back from the scene.

After a couple of minutes they had moved him to the ambulance but I knew it was too late. I knew he was gone. I knew that he had gone as I was taking his pulse. But in an effort to maintain the relative calmness I said nothing.

I remember this one man, a complete asshole, who was wearing red biking shorts and a jersey who was in the way of the responders trying to tell them how to do their job. It’s funny what you recall at moments like that. I remember that I wanted to knock him out just to get him out of the way.

I lit a cigarette and waited for a responder to come and ask me a few questions. I asked what we should do with the wheelchair after identifying myself. She asked if we had somewhere that we could put it. I said yes and instructed site security to take it there. The effects of what had just happened had not really hit me yet.

The Director of Operations came over and asked me to give a statement to security. Which I did when he came over to me at the grill. The last thing I wanted to do after watching life fade away in front of me was sling burgers to somebody. I walked over to where Head Chef and everyone else was and said that I was going to have a smoke. I went into the cubby hole where we keep the ice machine, took off my hat and lit a smoke.

What goes through your head at moments like this. For me, no stranger to death, I started feeling badly for the wife. I felt badly that I could not do more. I felt horrible that I had in some way contributed to his death (not in reality but it is how I felt). I was reminded of my own mortality and how quickly it all can just go away.

D, who works front of house, walked up to me and could see that I was not in a great mental place and he said to me what does this tell us. That none of us are promised anything.

I finished my smoke and went back to work. Though I didn’t want to. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and start crying. I wanted to release all this angst, tension and thought that was balled up inside of me. I wanted to punch a wall. I wanted to punch the guy in the biking shorts. No I think I wanted to head butt him but you get the idea.

I spent the better part of the next five hours that I was working thinking about the events that transpired. I was really upset. Still today I am really upset. A and Head Chef tried to take my mind off of the events by really laying into me. A more than Head Chef, but as it was happening all I could think of was how someone died in my arms, effectively anyway. And how useless I felt. How there was nothing I could do differently. Though I took everything that was being said to me in stride I was in some sado-masochistic way grateful to not be thinking about the man on the cobblestones who died in front of me.

I did everything I could. I say this by way of not trying to convince you but myself. I am asking my employers tomorrow when I go back to work to pay for me to get my Life saving certification and to get a defibrillator on site. I feel with a defibrillator I could have saved him. But maybe that is just what I’m thinking and it is not true. But nonetheless I do plan on asking tomorrow.

So as you can all see I had quite a weekend. It was, quite the example of the ups and downs of the industry I have chosen to be in.

Another post is imminently coming. For now;

Marcus Aurelius once said; “Death hangs over thee, While thou still live, while thou may, do good” It’s how I feel. But I can still do good.

A la prochaine

SDM

Syntax

I know I am doing the posts differently than I said I would a couple of posts ago. But that is the nature of life. Requisite variety and the ability to change on the fly.

A la prochaine

SDM

My Future, Restaurants and Sacrifice (file under considerations)

Hello my loyal readers. I hope this finds you all well.

The last week has been one of ups and downs. The restaurant industry is one which is by its very nature one which is difficult physically, emotionally and spiritually. You really need to want it as my friend A keeps on reminding me. C and I are seeing very little of each other but trying our best to spend all the moments we can together before she goes back to NYC for 10 months. I was warned early on that this industry is a relationship killer and I now understand why completely. Though I am comforted knowing that C and I have overcome so many obstacles to love each other that this is just another bump on the road to the life we choose to live with each other. I love her more today than I ever thought possible.

My Future

There is no question that I am in the right industry. After years of toiling and searching for a place that I belong I have finally landed on my head in the right place and in fact at the right time.

The road that I am on is a long and winding one. It will take me all across the world in search of that one flavour, technique, style to which I am meant to produce the best dishes in the world. I know I can and I think that the people I work with believe it too. But ultimately there are only two people that need to believe in what I am doing. Myself, which goes without saying. And of course C. Without her love, support and guidance I am not sure that I could continue down this path. For it is she that has stood by me the whole time that I have been on the search for myself and the place that I belong in this world.

The next five years at minimum are going to be an up and down rollercoaster of learning, pushing, driving and producing. There are going to be long days in the summer and shorter in the winter. The summers it would seem to me are going to be the times that I put most effectively the learnings of the winter into practice. Why you ask? Well quite simply, in the summer the hours are so long and arduous that though I am still reading and studying I have very little time to create. My free time is spent delivering to you the experiences that I have had and what they mean to me. However, in the winter months, as you well know from my experience this year, I have more time to internalize, to study, to create, to practice and to imagine. I am already looking forward to this winter and have already started putting together a sort of curriculum for myself as well as a rudimentary timeline of the things I need to accomplish (more on that later).

Restaurants

I think that unless you have worked in a restaurant it is difficult for anyone to understand what goes on (although I try to give you a window into it) in them. As I have said before the restaurant industry (more so back of house than front) is filled with all kinds of people. It ranges from those that crave stability to those that thrive on controlled chaos. For the most part the kitchen survives on the efforts of the young. Truly the kitchen is a young mans game and I feel that the predominant reason for that is the long hours and the stresses that they produce. However, every once and a while someone like me, with boundless energy, joy and stamina can by force of will break in.

Categorizing the people I work with in a meaningful way would be difficult. First because I don’t like the little boxes that society tries to pigeonhole people into. Secondly though because they are not neat little boxes in the kitchen. In our kitchen we have the Granddaddy L, he is the longest serving employee in the kitchen and without his efforts the kitchen would be a much more difficult place. He works hard and more often than not would rather do it himself than get someone else to do it because it would take him longer to explain than to do it. I spend most of my time with L. I have learned from him the finer points of banquet and catering. I have learned measurements, how to’s, etc. I have learned how to organize my days and how to get things done. I am indebted to L for everything he has taught me and continues to teach me everyday.

I am going to speak in generalities with respect to the line right now. I started typing a specific piece but have rethought my intent and feel it would be better to speak in generalities.

The line is the place that the magic happens. And by magic I mean a powerful slight of hand that makes the customer feel that overwhelming sense that happens when you are served a great meal. Sure we can get you an appetizer in just a few minutes. But it is slight of hand. How much prep work do you think went into that couple of minutes appetizer? I can guarantee you that if I told you you would fall of your chair. The same is true of the entire line. Naturally we can get you a main course in twelve or sixteen minutes but the only reason for that is the proper planning and execution of a coherent plan.

This is something that I am going to explain further in more exacting tones when I speak of my restaurant in the next post. Although there will also be some abstract considerations as well.

Sacrifice

As I have said before, the restaurant industry for kitchen staff is a relationship killer. The question is whether or not you have the ability to toe the line of the kitchen and still meet the demands of your love life. That is not say that it is impossible but it certainly takes a force of will that I am not certain everyone has.

When I made the decision to join a professional kitchen it was not made lightly. I was warned about the ups and the downs, the costs and potential sacrifices. I made that decision knowing full well that I, because of who I am, would show them that the sacrifices made do not need to be so severe that you lose yourself and those you love as a result. And in fact that through that sacrifice you could actually strengthen the bonds you have not only with your family but also with your friends.

I have spent little time with C and my family and friends since starting. I have missed birthdays, anniversaries, family events, etc. It has been difficult to make that transition, but, I find that everyone who understands what you are trying to accomplish accepts that this is one of the things that you must do to thrive in your chosen field. It is not something that is easy for me to do as my most important driver in my life has been the love of my family and friends. But today, I stand before you saying, that what I am doing is a temporary sacrifice for a long term gain which benefits all and which is consistent with my life’s driving principle.

That said, this is all I have on these three things for the moment. The next post is going to deal with my experiences with five days non stop on the grill.

Viktor Frankl once said; “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity.”

Dream big and inspired.

A la prochaine

SDM

Sleep Deprived, Overtired and forcing myself to write (file under T – I – R – E – D)

Hello my loyal readers! I hope this finds you well. As you can tell from the title I am really tired. I slept for almost fifteen hours yesterday and another twelve last night. I guess your body really does shut down when it gets the opportunity. I had worked seven days straight, longest day was sixteen hours and shortest was thirteen. Tack on travel time and that makes for a 100 hour week,

The next couple of posts are going to be catching up posts. The first is going to have to do with the abstract thoughts I have about my restaurant and my future. The next is going to have do with the grill experience which went from Thursday until Tuesday night. Quite an experience. And the final one is going to deal with my thoughts in general. It is going to be a flurry of writing as I am trying to cram in as much as I can with the limited time I have.

Seneca once said; “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

Are your dreaming inspired and BIG?

A la prochaine

SDM