Hello all! How are you? I’m tired. And I’m in a ridiculous amount of pain. Since last Saturday night I have had a pain that started in my neck and now has migrated down the left side of my shoulder and is currently sitting right beneath the blade. I’m not that old am I? At any rate is good to have a day off to let it get some rest.
Currently I am making a roasted squash and red pepper soup for the love of my life and of course formulating my thoughts to put here. I know in the last post I promised to relay a few stories and so here I will.
A and I speak quite often. I really like him and appreciate all the useful information that he is giving me. On Thursday last at the end of a very long day A pulled a fast one on me. First off I should preface it by saying that A and I are becoming fast friends. He constantly jokes with me trying to help me get better and to develop thicker skin. One of his current jokes relates to my needing paper baskets but on the line he has, IT! I always joke back that I think he should return to the rarified air on the line because when he leaves it it seems to affect his mind. He really is a great chef; a brilliant line cook and I look forward to speaking with him for many years to come. At any rate on Thursday I said something about the rarified air and he walked to the line and came back with some crème fraiche with cod juice mixed in and put it all over my face. There are pictures and once we figure out how to get them I will post them. I consider it to be part of the training to take all of those kinds of things in stride.
On Friday we all ended up having a great time after work. It was a long day and we went over to the patio for some drinks. This is usually when he imparts some great knowledge on me as well as some good natured jesting. He made a comment that I would never be as good as he was on the line. He said I may surpass him in terms of my Cheffing ability but never on the line. Head Chef was still kicking back and sharing drinks with us so I asked him if he felt that was true. He thought about it for a minute. The direct question was something like; “A said that I would never be as good as he is on the line,” it took him a second or two to figure out a diplomatic or some other kind of answer. Head Chef slapped me on the back and simply said; “NO!”
You do need to understand that watching him work the line is akin to my mind like watching Shakespeare write Romeo and Juliet or Beethoven his 9th. He really is that good and that is why he is with Executive Chef and Head Chef. He has an innate ability and all at the age of 24. He got a head start on me but that doesn’t mean that I am not going to try to get to be as good as he is. I’M COMING FOR YOU BUDDY!
At any rate it was fun and I felt like I learned a lot from what A had to say.
Saturday was my friends wedding. Opulence would not even begin to describe it. The glitterati of Toronto were there. The setting was magnificent and the stage was stunning. It was by far the most majestic wedding I have ever been to. I want to congratulate S & R on their wedding. It was a beautiful occasion and C and I felt honoured to be there.
This past Monday was the staff party. I brought C with me and we had a lot of fun. I had only intended to stay there for an hour or two but was having so much fun we both wanted to stay. I ended up having a conversation with Chef B in which he said that I was destined for greatness. I don’t take this lightly and it is something that I am thinking about quite a bit since I heard it.
Growing up I was always afraid of the word potential. And Chef B’s comment got me to thinking about that very word again. To be told you are destined for greatness is a beautiful thing to hear but it is also quite daunting. HOW DO YOU LIVE UP TO THAT EXPECTATION?
Then it dawned on me. To live up to that expectation I need to do exactly what I am doing. I need to go to work everyday with a smile on my face. I need to shine and excel in my learning. I need to apply my brains, my spirit and my love of life each and every day and in each and every moment. And that is what I do. And I know that to be destined for something does not mean that a silver tray is going to whack you over the head and give it to you. In this specific case it something that I will have to work hard on every day and improve, not just in my kitchen skills but also in my life skills.
Destined for greatness. I have more thoughts on the statement and will share them at a more appropriate time.
We got all new equipment from Garland (http://www.garlandcanada.ca/) which I will take a picture of and show everyone. We got new ranges, a new fryer (which is so cool) as well as a salamander. I know it might seem silly to get excited about this but I’m sure if you think about it a while you’ll understand why it is so exciting to me.
Sorry if I’m dumping all this at once but I know I won’t have a day off until next week so….
Yesterday after cleaning out the garage fridge and doing my regular duties I was asked to prep all the bread in house we had for bread crumbs. Sure you’re thinking to yourself that is easy enough. Well sure when it is a few loaves. Instead I cut forty eight sheet pans of bread and also made twenty litres of croutons. If you would like to put this in perspective in volume I would say we are talking of about forty cubic feet. FORTY CUBIC FEET of bread. But needless to say I took it all with a smile on my face and recognized that no task is too small. And sometimes the job just needs to get done. I also treated it as a lesson in humility.
I did get to meet Michael Smith (http://www.chefmichaelsmith.ca/en/home/default.aspx) though. Executive Chef and he had a dinner prepared by A and so Chef brought him in to show some of the new equipment that Garland had given us. I exchanged pleasantries with him and he said that I must be the late night guy. To which I responded without missing a beat that I was the early morning, late night, and all day guy. To which he responded something to the effect of awesome and he looked forward to seeing me in August. Man is he tall AND really personable.
A and I were going to go for a drink but decided not to. I came home and watched Hells Kitchen (http://www.fox.com/hellskitchen ). Sorry to see you go Corey but I got to tell ya I’m pulling for Petrozza.
At any rate all, I want to write a post next about some of my consideration for my restaurant. Which I will do in a few scant minutes.
Rabindranath Tagore once said; “We come nearest to the great when we are great in humility.” And this is something I practice everyday.
Are you thinking about where you want to take your life? For you all are the masters of your own destiny and I am proof of that.
So am I tired. You bet. In pain. For sure. But would I change it for anything in the world?
Dream big and inspired.
A la prochaine
SDM
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Upcoming posts
So this week I am going to write about a conversation I had with A and M on Friday night.
My friend S’s wedding up at the farm which was catered by Marc McEwen
As well as my current studies…
T. Alan Armstrong once said; “If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”
True, true and true.
Dream big and inspired
A la prochaine
SDM
My friend S’s wedding up at the farm which was catered by Marc McEwen
As well as my current studies…
T. Alan Armstrong once said; “If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”
True, true and true.
Dream big and inspired
A la prochaine
SDM
The Bad (file under s%^& my pants fear)
So on the heels of a great conversation with Executive Chef and the feeling that I had resolved my issue with Chef J satisfactorily and amicably. I was feeling pretty good as I have learned how to disengage my ego which in the past has gotten in the way of me resolving things as well. It is all part of the growth that I am experiencing in the most beautiful and wonderful way as part of my decision to be on this path.
As I mentioned in the last post I had a great conversation with Executive Chef. But based on something he had shown me and said I knew that something wicked this way comes. I arrived on Tuesday feeling good about the conversation but nervous about the expected onslaught that I was sure was coming. My day was long and hard filled with all kinds of tasks which only further reinforced my belief that I was about to be getting it. I was so nervous at one point that I went to A and asked him if he felt I had done anything that could get me fired. He said no and that he would probably know if that was the case. I was not eased despite his words.
As my night was coming to a close Head Chef came to me and asked me to get a bucket and some rags. I knew immediately that I was about to experience a tempest in a teapot and tried to mentally prepare myself. TO NO AVAIL.
Those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I am 5’10 and soaking wet one hundred and thirty five pounds with all my clothes on. Head Chef is a little shorter than I am but probably outweighs me by about one hundred pounds. I say all this as a means of description and what follows is said with respect and admiration. Head Chef is a powerful man, of German descent and can carry an entire room both with his energy and his words. He can be kind and gracious or spirited and overwhelming. Both of which serve him well in his daily duties. Carrying the bucket I knew where we were going and what was coming.
I have been through some extremely challenging things in my life which enable me to be aware of certain things and whats more to deal with them. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” he said pointing to the interior of the fridge, “Condiments,” I answered. “AND IS THIS HOW THEY BELONG?” He was just above a yell but not quite at a scream. My bones vibrated with every word he said. “NO Chef,” and I was about to offer an excuse when I realized (again something new for me) that it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and listen. “CLEAN THE FRIDGE, MOVE THE CONDIMENTS BACK.” And with that he disappeared inside our sister kitchen while I set about the task. I was visibly upset and was trying to keep my nerves in control. A few more bursts were sent my way and I had backed myself up as I felt like I was about to be thrown to the opposite corner of the universe.
After having cleaned the fridge so perfectly that I would have lived inside of it Chef told me to bring all my stuff back to the restaurant and meet him in the office. I truly felt that I was about to be fired. As I had mentioned previously my spidey sense had been going off all day. I got back to the restaurant and deposited the various things that I needed to deposit in the respective places. My heart raced as I approached the office. I was instructed to take a seat. AM I GETTING FIRED? Oh my god my mind raced as I waited for Head Chef to come back. The issue is a serious one as it relates to the safety and sanitation which affects everyone.
A folder was opened on the desk before me and I was asked to read it carefully and then sign it. Being the quick reader that I was I was finished in about twenty seconds. I looked up first relieved that I wasn’t getting fired and secondly to try and catch myself before I broke. I duly signed both copies of the document and felt myself choking up.
Chef looked right at me and I told him I would offer no excuses for what I had done. Instead I would adjust my work in the future to reflect this conversation and dressing down. I told him and indeed Chef B and J as well that I got it and that I understood completely. Head Chef seeing that I was truly upset by this told me to go outside and collect my thoughts over a cigarette and then come back in and clean the kitchen.
I went out back and lit a cigarette. I felt myself welling up inside. I was not upset, I was angry. I was angry with myself for having let Head Chef and Executive Chef down. For doing less than is expected which is not something that I am accustomed to doing. I spent a good five minutes out back thinking to myself and reading over my written warning. After my smoke I went back in to discover that the kitchen was finished. Head Chef was getting ready to leave and I asked him if there was anything that he would especially like me to do. His reply was short and sweet; “Go home.” I made sure to shake all their hands and say that they would not ever see that again. They could tell how upset I was with myself and I think they were satisfied to let me beat myself up with it as they knew it would be more severe that way. But that is just supposition.
My ride home was filled with anger, angst and resolve. I had made my first serious mistake in the kitchen and it sucked. It felt horrible. I didn’t speak for the first three hours at work the next day. And truthfully still today I am feeling ill with myself about it. But one thing that Executive Chef has taught me is that yesterday is yesterday and today is today. BE BETTER! And I am.
James Joyce once said; “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.” And man have I discovered…
Have you?
Dream big and inspired.
A la prochaine
SDM
As I mentioned in the last post I had a great conversation with Executive Chef. But based on something he had shown me and said I knew that something wicked this way comes. I arrived on Tuesday feeling good about the conversation but nervous about the expected onslaught that I was sure was coming. My day was long and hard filled with all kinds of tasks which only further reinforced my belief that I was about to be getting it. I was so nervous at one point that I went to A and asked him if he felt I had done anything that could get me fired. He said no and that he would probably know if that was the case. I was not eased despite his words.
As my night was coming to a close Head Chef came to me and asked me to get a bucket and some rags. I knew immediately that I was about to experience a tempest in a teapot and tried to mentally prepare myself. TO NO AVAIL.
Those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I am 5’10 and soaking wet one hundred and thirty five pounds with all my clothes on. Head Chef is a little shorter than I am but probably outweighs me by about one hundred pounds. I say all this as a means of description and what follows is said with respect and admiration. Head Chef is a powerful man, of German descent and can carry an entire room both with his energy and his words. He can be kind and gracious or spirited and overwhelming. Both of which serve him well in his daily duties. Carrying the bucket I knew where we were going and what was coming.
I have been through some extremely challenging things in my life which enable me to be aware of certain things and whats more to deal with them. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” he said pointing to the interior of the fridge, “Condiments,” I answered. “AND IS THIS HOW THEY BELONG?” He was just above a yell but not quite at a scream. My bones vibrated with every word he said. “NO Chef,” and I was about to offer an excuse when I realized (again something new for me) that it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and listen. “CLEAN THE FRIDGE, MOVE THE CONDIMENTS BACK.” And with that he disappeared inside our sister kitchen while I set about the task. I was visibly upset and was trying to keep my nerves in control. A few more bursts were sent my way and I had backed myself up as I felt like I was about to be thrown to the opposite corner of the universe.
After having cleaned the fridge so perfectly that I would have lived inside of it Chef told me to bring all my stuff back to the restaurant and meet him in the office. I truly felt that I was about to be fired. As I had mentioned previously my spidey sense had been going off all day. I got back to the restaurant and deposited the various things that I needed to deposit in the respective places. My heart raced as I approached the office. I was instructed to take a seat. AM I GETTING FIRED? Oh my god my mind raced as I waited for Head Chef to come back. The issue is a serious one as it relates to the safety and sanitation which affects everyone.
A folder was opened on the desk before me and I was asked to read it carefully and then sign it. Being the quick reader that I was I was finished in about twenty seconds. I looked up first relieved that I wasn’t getting fired and secondly to try and catch myself before I broke. I duly signed both copies of the document and felt myself choking up.
Chef looked right at me and I told him I would offer no excuses for what I had done. Instead I would adjust my work in the future to reflect this conversation and dressing down. I told him and indeed Chef B and J as well that I got it and that I understood completely. Head Chef seeing that I was truly upset by this told me to go outside and collect my thoughts over a cigarette and then come back in and clean the kitchen.
I went out back and lit a cigarette. I felt myself welling up inside. I was not upset, I was angry. I was angry with myself for having let Head Chef and Executive Chef down. For doing less than is expected which is not something that I am accustomed to doing. I spent a good five minutes out back thinking to myself and reading over my written warning. After my smoke I went back in to discover that the kitchen was finished. Head Chef was getting ready to leave and I asked him if there was anything that he would especially like me to do. His reply was short and sweet; “Go home.” I made sure to shake all their hands and say that they would not ever see that again. They could tell how upset I was with myself and I think they were satisfied to let me beat myself up with it as they knew it would be more severe that way. But that is just supposition.
My ride home was filled with anger, angst and resolve. I had made my first serious mistake in the kitchen and it sucked. It felt horrible. I didn’t speak for the first three hours at work the next day. And truthfully still today I am feeling ill with myself about it. But one thing that Executive Chef has taught me is that yesterday is yesterday and today is today. BE BETTER! And I am.
James Joyce once said; “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.” And man have I discovered…
Have you?
Dream big and inspired.
A la prochaine
SDM
The Good (file under one on one)
So as you have now become aware last weekend was quite an adventure for me. It was filled with triumph and tragedy, agony and glory. As I got home to cook dinner for C’s parents and brother on Sunday I must have missed my phone go off with the text message sound. It read; “S, I would like to have a chat with you around 1:30 tomorrow.”
When I read it I started freaking out thinking I had done something wrong. Though as much as I considered it I couldn’t imagine what it was. I had resolved the conflict with Chef J amicably and thought that it was over.
In short, at 10:36 pm on Saturday night I had not had a break all day. Chef J and M came out and when they got there I literally ran off the line to go to the bathroom. Chef J started tearing a strip out of me very visibly and loudly. I came back to the line and explained that I really had to go to the washroom. Though displeased with me (and I knew why but REALLY had to go to the bathroom). I came back after the washroom and he told me to go for a quick break which I was only too happy to do.
After I was shutdown Executive Chef saw that I was both spent and frustrated. I explained to him what had happened from my point of view and that I recognized that I should not have just walked off the line but that there was no excuse for the way that I was spoken to. That I am not a child and that I have the utmost respect for everyone and felt that I was not deserving of that after the day I had had.
Shortly after I had shut down Chef J and I both sat down by the restaurant. I told him that I would be respectful and listen to what he had to say and then respond. It was as I had expected that I walked off the line without getting him up to speed as to what was going on. I apologized and said that it would not happen again. Again we resolved the issue amicably and without issue.
So needless to say when I got this text message I was confused, scared and filled with wonder. As I got up and went to work I was really worried. When Executive Chef came in I was outside having a cigarette and told him I was nervous about our little “chat.” I then asked if it was something that I should worry about and whether it was good or bad. He told me good and then walked inside.
As so often happens in our industry 1:30 came and went. I was anxious to get the conversation over with as we had a fairly large function that night. So the time came and I grabbed a coffee and my cigarettes and we proceeded to one of the patios.
We sat down and discussed at length the issues surrounding Saturday night and then issues related to my future and what we could expect. I spoke to him about what I had observed and where I thought things could be going. He let me know that I had come very far and that my advancement was pronounced. All in all it was a great conversation which included my professional development, the way that Canadian chefs are perceived overseas and what my next steps were. I asked him about a raise at which point he said he felt that it was fair of me to ask and that at the end of the month we would revisit the issue. I immediately thought to myself how prudent an answer that was from a business standpoint as I have been averaging 70 paid hours a week.
There are numerous things about our conversation that out of respect and admiration for the process upon which I am embarking it would not be fair or appropriate for me to write at this moment. When the time comes many years from now I will be happy to impart that knowledge on a young cook that I am molding.
At any rate at the end of the conversation he asked me to follow him so he could show me something. Showing it to me I immediately understood the severity and assured him that it would not an issue again. As well, my spidey sense went off letting me know that this would not be the last part of the conversation to be had. I knew that Head Chef and I would be having a “chat” soon but could not have prepared myself for it in any way.
That is the subject of the next post my loyal readers.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said; “The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”
I know what direction I’m moving in. DO YOU?
Dream big and inspired.
A la prochaine
SDM
When I read it I started freaking out thinking I had done something wrong. Though as much as I considered it I couldn’t imagine what it was. I had resolved the conflict with Chef J amicably and thought that it was over.
In short, at 10:36 pm on Saturday night I had not had a break all day. Chef J and M came out and when they got there I literally ran off the line to go to the bathroom. Chef J started tearing a strip out of me very visibly and loudly. I came back to the line and explained that I really had to go to the washroom. Though displeased with me (and I knew why but REALLY had to go to the bathroom). I came back after the washroom and he told me to go for a quick break which I was only too happy to do.
After I was shutdown Executive Chef saw that I was both spent and frustrated. I explained to him what had happened from my point of view and that I recognized that I should not have just walked off the line but that there was no excuse for the way that I was spoken to. That I am not a child and that I have the utmost respect for everyone and felt that I was not deserving of that after the day I had had.
Shortly after I had shut down Chef J and I both sat down by the restaurant. I told him that I would be respectful and listen to what he had to say and then respond. It was as I had expected that I walked off the line without getting him up to speed as to what was going on. I apologized and said that it would not happen again. Again we resolved the issue amicably and without issue.
So needless to say when I got this text message I was confused, scared and filled with wonder. As I got up and went to work I was really worried. When Executive Chef came in I was outside having a cigarette and told him I was nervous about our little “chat.” I then asked if it was something that I should worry about and whether it was good or bad. He told me good and then walked inside.
As so often happens in our industry 1:30 came and went. I was anxious to get the conversation over with as we had a fairly large function that night. So the time came and I grabbed a coffee and my cigarettes and we proceeded to one of the patios.
We sat down and discussed at length the issues surrounding Saturday night and then issues related to my future and what we could expect. I spoke to him about what I had observed and where I thought things could be going. He let me know that I had come very far and that my advancement was pronounced. All in all it was a great conversation which included my professional development, the way that Canadian chefs are perceived overseas and what my next steps were. I asked him about a raise at which point he said he felt that it was fair of me to ask and that at the end of the month we would revisit the issue. I immediately thought to myself how prudent an answer that was from a business standpoint as I have been averaging 70 paid hours a week.
There are numerous things about our conversation that out of respect and admiration for the process upon which I am embarking it would not be fair or appropriate for me to write at this moment. When the time comes many years from now I will be happy to impart that knowledge on a young cook that I am molding.
At any rate at the end of the conversation he asked me to follow him so he could show me something. Showing it to me I immediately understood the severity and assured him that it would not an issue again. As well, my spidey sense went off letting me know that this would not be the last part of the conversation to be had. I knew that Head Chef and I would be having a “chat” soon but could not have prepared myself for it in any way.
That is the subject of the next post my loyal readers.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said; “The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”
I know what direction I’m moving in. DO YOU?
Dream big and inspired.
A la prochaine
SDM
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