So I had my review this past weekend. It was a great experience. It is the first time in my life I feel as if I belong somewhere. I have watched myself become a man this year. The uncertainty of who I was and where I belong was turning me into a very ugly person. I would drink and do excessive amounts of anything, not so much running from myself as trying to run period. It made life difficult for the ones that I love most. Now, I wake up feeling refreshed, wonderful and ready for a new day.
I spoke a few blog posts ago about my daily Mantra’s that I write in my notebook. The following are some of the ones I have written lately;
Today I Achieve by Being ME!
I am that which is genuine!
I am that which is compassionate, caring and full of life!
I am that which is great and true.
Today is just a tiny step yet… forward.
Dreams come true if you’re willing to dare.
Everyday I write a note to myself at the top of the page. The whole day I find myself looking at it and repeating it. Finding within myself a strength of will and a force of personality that drives me ever forward. Gone are the days that I disappoint myself by failing to live up to my potential. I often, in the past, would speak of the troublesome feelings I had about the things I knew, the brain I have and the troubles that they brought me. Now, instead of bemoaning a world I can’t change (I usually don’t use the word can’t as I think it is naughty four letter word) I have chosen to accept the things I can’t change (not in the 12 step program kind of way either) and instead to focus on my own personal development. Utilizing the brain that I have to further enhance the passion, drive and desire I have to be the best Chef I can be. It is the most cathartic experience for me to let go of so much baggage from the past that was weighing me down and often found me hiding in a bottle or a line or a joint. Not that there is anything wrong with any of those in moderation but I never knew moderation. I sought and yet never found numb whereas now I seek and consistently find joy, life, love, passion and endless amounts of energy.
This brings me to my next point. I am an uber human. I have never felt it necessary to eat fruit, take vitamins, etc. I have since January however, as part of my transformation been taking great care of my body. I have been taking Greens Energy Plus and Greens Proteins every morning before going to work. At first I thought it was just something to do but now that it is part of my daily regiment I feel awesome. If any of you have not tried Greens Plus or are interested in it let me know as one of C and I’s best friends (in fact the wedding we are going to on Saturday YES!) who is a representative for the company. If you want more information you can go to; http://www.genuinehealth.com/english/ . Or contact me and I will put you in touch with her.
Prior to getting to my review in this post I would also like to point out that I have (although I’ve mentioned it before) started to track everything. I track what comes in every morning in dry goods (the weight), fish (what types and how much), the meat, and the fruits and vegetables. I track the yield of my stocks which are off the scale now. I track the yield of every dish I make as well as any comments I get on them. I track the number of events, the number of people at them as well as how the meal breaks down in terms of soup, salad and protein. It is my belief that by doing so after a year I will have a relative, real world baseline from which I can draw certain conclusions which will aid in my development of my restaurant. With every passing day I get more and more excited as I truly can see the light on the marquee if you will. That said; my review.
When Head Chef handed me the review document a couple of weeks ago. It was less than an hour between the time that he gave it to me and I had handed it back to him. It is the first time that I have had to do a written review in quite a while and it felt amazing. So when I came in on Saturday morning after a wicked party for Executive Chef’s birthday the night before I had not been expecting my review as Head Chef had been sick. I took care of the things that I had to before we got under way and then we headed over to our sister restaurant and spoke about the review for about an hour.
As I’m sure all of you know what a review is like I will let you know that I wrote down that I felt that I either met or exceeded expectations in every way. Head Chef walked me through how the review was used and said that I did in fact either meet or exceed expectations. While this is enough to send me over the moon I also am well aware of the fact that what I expect from myself exceeds what their expectations are. I am very hard on myself and this came up during the review.
Head Chef told me that this year is one of massive change for the restaurant. He said that there are going to be changes in the way that it is run and how people operate within it. He said that my attitude was great but that I should be mindful of what I am saying and how. This made perfect sense to me and whats more I had made the decision after filling out the review that my Modus Operandi was going to transform when I came back from Mexico. I have tried to fit into the kitchen in a way that is probably not serving me the best that it can. When I get back I am going to alter certain things that I felt I needed to address and in explaining this to him he agreed. I want to be respected. I want to deserve respect. I want to be the best and as such I need to start doing things in a certain way now as opposed to later. I really look forward to my first day back.
In this regard Head Chef asked if I was clouded at all. I answered him truthfully as I always do that I felt I was. Again in my desire to “fit in” I was allowing myself to do certain things a certain way, to say certain things and that this led to a duality that I did not want to face. He said that I should continue to shoot for the stars but that I had to calm down my expectation right now. I recognize that he says this so that I will not disappoint myself which would lead to a paralysis forming frustration. I know that and I know what I need to do in order to make sure that this does not happen.
We spoke about the time that I came to him and asked if I could make a few minor changes to the stock. I had told him at he time that I had no problem with his answer but he explained to me during the review his reason for saying such. He developed the recipe for his stock two years ago after much experimentation when he was at one of the vineyards in Ontario. I listened attentively as he explained how he arrived at his ingredients and his methodology and found a more profound respect for him because of it. His stock, remi and demi are a tried, tested and true recipe that produces great clarity, colour and flavour and that is why I shouldn’t tinker with it. OUI CHEF!
When it came to my initiative he said that I am meeting his expectations on the high end. I don’t really have a comment on that but I was happy to see that it was recognized. Sometime in the kitchen it is hard to know whether or not things are getting noticed but he assured me in the most wonderful way that they are.
When it came to my technical knowledge he said that I am also at the high end of his expectations. He said that my study is clearly making a difference in what I am doing and that it will continue to serve me going forward. The same was true of my organization although he did suggest that rather than making my prep lists the way that I do that I create a time limit for what I am doing as opposed to a time that I am going to do it. His suggestion is actually quite brilliant as by creating a benchmark I am always looking to improve upon that benchmark.
In terms of my presence he reminded me that I should be mindful of my strong kitchen presence. He spoke about me in relation to the others and that I need to be a keen observer of perception versus reality. From this I gleaned (and as I said earlier there will be a marked difference between then and when I get back from Mexico) that I need to start leading by example now. That by doing so and being mindful of my presence I can actually aid in the excelling of others.
We spoke about my disappointment at not being on the line. I told him that I recognized that I wasn’t going to make my goal. At which point he said that I need to be aware of my goals. Set short goals. 3 month goals. By doing so I keep my spirits up and have the ability to excel at the benchmarks I set for myself.
All in all I think that the review was fair. I listened intently to what Head Chef had to say and I felt FINALLY that I had found a place where I can be myself. I found a place that allows me to live every day to the fullest and leads me down a path of my choosing in the most beautiful ways.
So that said, I am shooting to be Garde Manger at our sister restaurant in the fall. Between now and then I am going to get all the knowledge that I need to excel at the position. I am also going to pay attention (as I do already) to everything that goes on around me so that when the time is right I can incorporate a method that works for me entirely. I know that I will be in our sister restaurant no matter what in the fall and that I will excel.
Thus, my friends, we are caught up. Naturally, this week is going to be a busy one but I should be able to get a couple more posts done. Then I am off to Mexico to recharge my batteries for what is sure to be a fun filled, non-stop roller coaster ride of a summer. Fasten your seat belts because you all are along for the ride.
Sam Walton once said; “High expectations are the key to everything.”
Dream Inspired and Big!
A la prochaine
SDM
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