Awww Shucks (file under a crack up job)

Anatole France once wrote; “What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!” How very true.

As an Irish Scot whose family grew up in the heartland of Canadian Oysters (the east coast and no we don’t need to debate it) I was destined to enjoy oysters. Now while I say this I am aware of the fact that many of my brothers and sisters won’t go near seafood. But when you grow up in a family like mine (five boys and three girls) you learn that those subtle differences in food tolerance, awareness and enjoyment are the beautiful gift which, when growing up, let you have that one more bite without any sort of guilt.

I love Oysters. I always have. But the caveat here is that I only love RAW oysters. Sure I know that there are purists out there who will try to convince me that there are many more beautiful ways to eat an oyster but for me there is nothing more beautiful than slurping back a raw oyster and feeling the rush of the ocean as it courses through your veins. Tasting the changing of the seasons and the tide as readily as most people drink a coke. To some this may sound like an over stylized or romantic view but I assure you, if you’ve eaten as many oysters as I have, you will come to know that every delicious morsel on the half shell is a vibrant and dramatic voyage into the depths unknown which must be felt and internalized through your taste sensations.

So a few weeks ago we had a party that had a manned oyster station. As we have a restaurant that also does oyster shucking at the bar I thought it might be a good idea for me to start showing that I can shuck oysters as well. So how exactly do you shuck an oyster?

First off I would say that it is important for you to have a proper place to shuck oysters. First make sure that you have a steady place to do it. I would also recommend having some kind of riser to take you off of the surface. I use a block of wood.

Hold the oyster firmly in one hand and the oyster shucker in the other. Use a folded towel to place the oyster into so that you do not jab your hand and inflict massive amounts of pain on yourself also take note that the shell ridges are sharp! Slip the shucker blade between the top and bottom shell right by the hinge on back.

Run the shucker all the way around the oyster until you get to the other side. You will find that it takes a great deal of patience and understanding to find the right point. Some oysters just don't take kindly to people sticking knives in their shell. Be brave and put some muscle into it, but be careful - this is where you'll cut or stab yourself.

Using a twisting motion, pry the top and bottom shells apart. Be gentle but firm so you don't lose any of the liquor inside.

Cut the oyster free from his shell. He'll be connected by a tough knob on his underside; slide your shucker under and sever it. You can either go to the trouble of setting down your blade and using a little fork to pick the oyster out, or you can do like the natives do and just scoop him with your shucker and pop him in your mouth. Drink the liquor out of the shell.

One of the best Oyster shuckers I have ever met is Patrick McMurray, not only is he a fun young chap but extremely knowledgeable in the field. Check out his restaurant next time you are in the mood for some great laughs and even better Oysters (http://www.starfishoysterbed.com/ ) , trust me you won’t be disappointed.

So at any rate, the first party that I had to do it for was some electrical contractors at some type of industry event. Of course just like anything else you have the ones that know, the ones that don’t and the ones that pretend to. I usually tune out the last category but that is true in everything I do.

I had approximately 1200 oysters to shuck that evening. I set up my station. Grabbed my garnishes and set about liberating those slippery suckers from the shell. (I use the term liberated about as loosely as George Bush does when speaking about Iraq)

One of my greatest treats that night was that I got to introduce oysters to two very different people. One was a lady about fifty years old. It was pretty easy to convince her to have an oyster and once I had cracked one and gave it to her she looked at it for a moment. Asked about the proper etiquette and then down the hatch. She was a pretty easy sale.

The other was a young man, maybe ten years old, who was totally repulsed by what I was doing. He asked all kinds of questions throughout about a two hour period. He then came over and said that he wanted to try one. I asked him to pick the one that he wanted and then over the next few minutes explained to him where they came from and what I was doing to it when I jabbed it with the shucker. At every step I stopped so that he could see exactly what was going on. Over the course of the next five minutes he hummed and hawed and wasn’t sure if he would do it. I looked at him and admired his excitement and told him that I would do it with him. Sure enough, shucked and ready we downed that oyster and he started jumping up and down as excited as a kid at the end of the school year right as the bell went. It was a lot of fun.

The other party I did was about 800 oysters and was for some type of regional managers meeting of Toys’R’Us. I had been shucking Malpeque, Caraquet, Beau Soleil and Pacific Tigers. One of the men there (who falls under the third category I mentioned earlier) tried to tell me that Malpeque’s (pronounced Mal Peck) came from the lovely Mal P Cue Bay. It took everything in my power not to laugh out loud.

As well I’ve taken to calling Pacific Tigers Lil Kim’s because they fight back and are a pain in the ass to crack open. All in all though a lot of fun.

Oscar Wilde once said; “The world was my oyster but I used the wrong knife.” Are you using the right knife?

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM