Sobriety (file under update)

So here it is the 24th of January and I have been away from the drink and other vices for 13 days. At first when I made the resolution to myself (again, like all my decisions in the past year) selfishly, I was unsure what to expect.

I had never spent thirteen days sober in my life. Since the age of 13 I had spent, for the most part, every weekend, and in fact many days, either drunk or drinking. I would not have classified myself as an alcoholic but quite possibly a drunk. For too many reasons that I could, but will not, get into right now, I had always found an excuse to drink.

Now on day 13 of this drying out period I have come to realize much about myself that can only be discovered through sober thought. I have found that I feel much better. That I am full of energy. That my thoughts are less manic and more directed. More assured and less paranoid about something I may have said or done the night before, or five minutes before for that matter.

Although I have been sick for the past nine days I can feel the difference in my body. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I was sick because I stopped drinking. You see, the normal course of being for me, is that I never get sick. Maybe once every couple of years. However, that does not mean to me that I should pick up a bottle and start drinking in order to stave off illness.

I want to be clear that this was not a decision that was meant to alter the course of my life. It was a selfish decision by which, through sober thought, I wanted to rediscover myself, as a man, living my life the way I have chosen to.

The most important discovery I have made is that I do not require alcohol to have a good time. I have been out twice during this drying off period, once at a party and the other with dear friends with whom I usually would consume lots.

At the party people that were drinking copious amounts of alcohol surrounded me. I spent all night there and though tempted to have a drink I did not have one. I was proud of myself then and I am proud of myself now.

I believe the most valuable lesson that I have learned from this drying off period is that I am in control of my demons. I have the ability and the power to control my own deep-seated fears. I am, in effect, the boss of me. I no longer believe that I need to be drunk to have a good time. I now firmly believe that it is possible for me to drink a glass of wine or two and stop at that. And what’s more, I believe that I will do just that.

I prefer the clarity of mind that I have right now. And in fact that clarity has become a replacement for the haze that I used to exist in. I prefer the energy that I have now. While, as a good iris scoots man I never suffered from hangovers, I certainly could be pokey from time to time. I prefer not being pokey. I have read several books in the past few weeks. I have studied hard, worked hard and discovered what my real motivation is. Sounds crazy that all this could come from not drinking, but it has, and now on day 13, I know that 30 days will not be a problem and moreover that after 30 days I will adjust my attitude and behaviour towards alcohol. But I must say that I am sure from time to time I will tip the bottle but I will now stop myself where in the past I would or perhaps could not.

So two weeks down. I am feeling wonderful. Energized. Happy. Feeling like a grown man. Perhaps one of the best decisions I ever made.

Pythagoras once said; “Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion.”

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM