So my day started off well enough. In fact I had had a pretty good day. Though I felt lonely and was thinking of my love all day I was really on fire. I figured the best way I could honour her was to do my absolute best. Which I did until the very end of my day (more on this later).
Even in the short amount of time that I have been at Reservation I have watched as my skills have improved. Think of it kind of like being a child. First you intuitively realize that you can get parts of your body to move where you want them. Then you start to crawl. Then you think that you can stand and you fall down. Finally one day your legs seem ready, your entire body is focused on standing up on your own. Then you fall… Hard! But because you are a child, and you don’t know any better or any worse you get back up and after a few attempts you actually walk a few feet from Mommy to Daddy or vice versa. Well in reality what I am going through right now is no different. Save that I am conscious of what I am doing AND that my consciousness gets in the way.
I think about it like this… I came into the kitchen with only my personal experience. Most of which was far and away not what the kitchen should be. My knife skills were horrible. My Mise en Place was MERDE!!!!! My cleaning was atrocious. I was basically like a little child with no clue. But conscious. Then I started and the first day I realized that I could control my muscles. Muscles that are quite different than the muscles that I had used before. This made my arms and hands tired, calloused, cut and bruised. But like a child I kept going. I made the decision a long time ago that this was my dream and that I would do whatever it takes. This lessened the blows to both my body and spirit (though the blows still exist). Like the line from the Matrix when Neo goes to see the Oracle and the little Buddhist boy is there; “There is no spoon!” After week one my hands started doing what I wanted them to not the other way around. This is akin to starting to crawl. Now my knife skills are getting close to the walking point and eventually I will run. I look forward to running but first I want to be able to walk. Slow, deliberate and conscious of what I am doing I am witness to my own transformation AND loving it!
I learned how to make a dark chicken stock today. It is a little different from the Veal stock (naturally) but it is thrilling that I now know the basic principles behind stock making and that I have gone from being relatively slow in the assembly to knowing where things are and getting it done. I LOVE GETTING THINGS CROSSED OF MY LIST! A list is one of the most important tools a chef can use. Over the course of a day there may be five hundred things that need to get done and if it is only in your head it is easy to get confused, lost or worse forget thereby screwing you up at a moment when you have no time or ability to fix the mistake. As such (though I’ve never been a lister just ask C) I am now duteous and record my lists and cross everything off as I go.
The day went by rather quickly. It was filled with my usual prep and lots more. After I was done all my work I asked if I could punch out to watch the line. Naturally (it is February after all) we were not that busy so my ability to watch the line in action was limited. As such I asked Head Chef if I might be able to go for a glass of wine in our sister restaurant to celebrate my anniversary (and to wait for the stocks I was working on to be ready so I could package them away). So I went over and had an exceptional glass of wine. Head Chef noticed that I was writing on “his butcher paper” and asked what I was doing. I explained and told him that as long as I was with him I would probably use a lot and was willing to buy a role. He refused my offer but asked me to do something for him (which I will) but I will not share it here, as it is deeply personal. He proceeded to explain a few things to me seizing the moment to chat.
He explained the differences between he and Exec Chef as he saw them. As well as everyone else in the kitchen. He then asked me what he had given me; to which I responded a chance by allowing me into his kitchen. He let me know that I was wrong; that he in fact had not given me that, that I had sought out the kitchen and came to him. He then asked the question again and I answered knowledge. Again he proceeded to tell me something that was just for me but it made me feel very good and gave me further insight into him and the dynamic of the restaurant. Head Chef also let me know that I am the best person and most knowledgable about making stocks in his kitchen. He asked who was more knowledgable and I answered everyone to which eh said no. I said he was and he said yes I’ve given you the knowledge but you are the person that is doing it day in and day out in the kitchen with the recipe. IT FELT AWESOME HEARING THAT!
Head Chef came back and asked after a few minutes if I would like to help plate a very special dinner we were hosting for Garland (www.garlandcanada.ca). Naturally, I said of course. Jumped up finishing my wine, ran back in to change into my whites and then like a kid in a candy store waited diligently watching and waiting.
When the time came I was extremely excited and as I was plating the appetizer course everything was fine with the first plates. I plated half fairly quickly (though still not quick enough… think crawling). I went to switch to the other plate holding the scallops when tragedy struck.
In super slow motion as I was passing behind Exec Chef, my hands were trembling, I watched as the plate of 11 scallops decided to do a triple lutz and land on its ass even worse than Tanya Harding on Olympic tryouts. I had screwed up half the appetizers for an important dinner. It was insane as I replayed the incident over in my mind at least thirty times in the next ten minutes and could not understand for the life of me how it dropped. I felt like an idiot, moronic and started beating myself up right away.
You’ll recall that I wrote a while ago about how Exec Chef had told me to watch how both he and Head Chef deal with adverse issues quickly. That this was a skill that separates those who are good. How they deal with adversity in a time crunch. In this case before I had even known it I had made a count of the plates, told Head Chef and he started the work on the 11 that I dropped (fresh naturally as I threw out the ones that fell). After that was done I had time to reflect. I didn’t plate the last 11 but I did do the garnish. I leaned up against the mixer and Exec Chef noticed that my head was not in the right spot. He looked right at me and said; “Stop lamenting!” I got his meaning right away but was not able to shake it. As such I moved on to the jobs that I had stayed to finish and then packed myself up and left.
What did I learn from this experience? First. At least for now, no wine while working at plating (even if I am off the clock). Secondly, do not tuck tail and run. Find the solution. First try to find the elegant solution. If there is not one find one that works as soon as possible. Third, do not run period. Do your job. Stay on point and on the line. There is very little that cannot be accomplished in you keep your head in the game.
I am meant to be where I am. I was born to be in a kitchen. I am passionate, hard working, extremely motivated to learn and I want to be on the line. BUT, not before I am ready! I have put my trust in both Exec Chef and Head Chef as they have in me. I know that they will not let me down and I know that I will work tirelessly, without complaint, to not let them down.
That said, I’ve included a picture in this post of how Head Chef explained something to me and my locker and a sample of what food we serve looks like. Obviously I blacked out the names on the lockers.
Moreover, I think that this quote from General George S. Patton; “I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?"” Indeed, why not me?
And why not you? Be inspired today, dream big and work towards that dream.
A la prochaine
SDM
1 comment:
Boy I really felt the drama there. I was holding my breath as I am sure you were too. It is okay to make mistakes it is how you deal with them after the fact. One heartfelt sorry and try to move on. I know that is hard we have all been there, but necessary. If you can't just shake off most of the ordeal to me, leaving and clearing your head, heart and mind and coming in the next day with a new outlook is not such a bad idea either. Especially when you have punched out. You know what I am saying baby!
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