Happy Anniversary & Self Disappointment (file under FOCUS)

Fist off. Happy Anniversary C! 6 glorious years together and many more to come as we pursue our dreams, our love and each other ever more. YOU ARE THE BEST!

So my day started off well enough. In fact I had had a pretty good day. Though I felt lonely and was thinking of my love all day I was really on fire. I figured the best way I could honour her was to do my absolute best. Which I did until the very end of my day (more on this later).

Even in the short amount of time that I have been at Reservation I have watched as my skills have improved. Think of it kind of like being a child. First you intuitively realize that you can get parts of your body to move where you want them. Then you start to crawl. Then you think that you can stand and you fall down. Finally one day your legs seem ready, your entire body is focused on standing up on your own. Then you fall… Hard! But because you are a child, and you don’t know any better or any worse you get back up and after a few attempts you actually walk a few feet from Mommy to Daddy or vice versa. Well in reality what I am going through right now is no different. Save that I am conscious of what I am doing AND that my consciousness gets in the way.

I think about it like this… I came into the kitchen with only my personal experience. Most of which was far and away not what the kitchen should be. My knife skills were horrible. My Mise en Place was MERDE!!!!! My cleaning was atrocious. I was basically like a little child with no clue. But conscious. Then I started and the first day I realized that I could control my muscles. Muscles that are quite different than the muscles that I had used before. This made my arms and hands tired, calloused, cut and bruised. But like a child I kept going. I made the decision a long time ago that this was my dream and that I would do whatever it takes. This lessened the blows to both my body and spirit (though the blows still exist). Like the line from the Matrix when Neo goes to see the Oracle and the little Buddhist boy is there; “There is no spoon!” After week one my hands started doing what I wanted them to not the other way around. This is akin to starting to crawl. Now my knife skills are getting close to the walking point and eventually I will run. I look forward to running but first I want to be able to walk. Slow, deliberate and conscious of what I am doing I am witness to my own transformation AND loving it!

I learned how to make a dark chicken stock today. It is a little different from the Veal stock (naturally) but it is thrilling that I now know the basic principles behind stock making and that I have gone from being relatively slow in the assembly to knowing where things are and getting it done. I LOVE GETTING THINGS CROSSED OF MY LIST! A list is one of the most important tools a chef can use. Over the course of a day there may be five hundred things that need to get done and if it is only in your head it is easy to get confused, lost or worse forget thereby screwing you up at a moment when you have no time or ability to fix the mistake. As such (though I’ve never been a lister just ask C) I am now duteous and record my lists and cross everything off as I go.

The day went by rather quickly. It was filled with my usual prep and lots more. After I was done all my work I asked if I could punch out to watch the line. Naturally (it is February after all) we were not that busy so my ability to watch the line in action was limited. As such I asked Head Chef if I might be able to go for a glass of wine in our sister restaurant to celebrate my anniversary (and to wait for the stocks I was working on to be ready so I could package them away). So I went over and had an exceptional glass of wine. Head Chef noticed that I was writing on “his butcher paper” and asked what I was doing. I explained and told him that as long as I was with him I would probably use a lot and was willing to buy a role. He refused my offer but asked me to do something for him (which I will) but I will not share it here, as it is deeply personal. He proceeded to explain a few things to me seizing the moment to chat.

He explained the differences between he and Exec Chef as he saw them. As well as everyone else in the kitchen. He then asked me what he had given me; to which I responded a chance by allowing me into his kitchen. He let me know that I was wrong; that he in fact had not given me that, that I had sought out the kitchen and came to him. He then asked the question again and I answered knowledge. Again he proceeded to tell me something that was just for me but it made me feel very good and gave me further insight into him and the dynamic of the restaurant. Head Chef also let me know that I am the best person and most knowledgable about making stocks in his kitchen. He asked who was more knowledgable and I answered everyone to which eh said no. I said he was and he said yes I’ve given you the knowledge but you are the person that is doing it day in and day out in the kitchen with the recipe. IT FELT AWESOME HEARING THAT!

Head Chef came back and asked after a few minutes if I would like to help plate a very special dinner we were hosting for Garland (www.garlandcanada.ca). Naturally, I said of course. Jumped up finishing my wine, ran back in to change into my whites and then like a kid in a candy store waited diligently watching and waiting.

When the time came I was extremely excited and as I was plating the appetizer course everything was fine with the first plates. I plated half fairly quickly (though still not quick enough… think crawling). I went to switch to the other plate holding the scallops when tragedy struck.

In super slow motion as I was passing behind Exec Chef, my hands were trembling, I watched as the plate of 11 scallops decided to do a triple lutz and land on its ass even worse than Tanya Harding on Olympic tryouts. I had screwed up half the appetizers for an important dinner. It was insane as I replayed the incident over in my mind at least thirty times in the next ten minutes and could not understand for the life of me how it dropped. I felt like an idiot, moronic and started beating myself up right away.

You’ll recall that I wrote a while ago about how Exec Chef had told me to watch how both he and Head Chef deal with adverse issues quickly. That this was a skill that separates those who are good. How they deal with adversity in a time crunch. In this case before I had even known it I had made a count of the plates, told Head Chef and he started the work on the 11 that I dropped (fresh naturally as I threw out the ones that fell). After that was done I had time to reflect. I didn’t plate the last 11 but I did do the garnish. I leaned up against the mixer and Exec Chef noticed that my head was not in the right spot. He looked right at me and said; “Stop lamenting!” I got his meaning right away but was not able to shake it. As such I moved on to the jobs that I had stayed to finish and then packed myself up and left.

What did I learn from this experience? First. At least for now, no wine while working at plating (even if I am off the clock). Secondly, do not tuck tail and run. Find the solution. First try to find the elegant solution. If there is not one find one that works as soon as possible. Third, do not run period. Do your job. Stay on point and on the line. There is very little that cannot be accomplished in you keep your head in the game.

I am meant to be where I am. I was born to be in a kitchen. I am passionate, hard working, extremely motivated to learn and I want to be on the line. BUT, not before I am ready! I have put my trust in both Exec Chef and Head Chef as they have in me. I know that they will not let me down and I know that I will work tirelessly, without complaint, to not let them down.

That said, I’ve included a picture in this post of how Head Chef explained something to me and my locker and a sample of what food we serve looks like. Obviously I blacked out the names on the lockers.






Moreover, I think that this quote from General George S. Patton; “I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?"” Indeed, why not me?



And why not you? Be inspired today, dream big and work towards that dream.

A la prochaine

SDM

Snow Day – If you’re not a Cook!

Toronto was blanketed today with an insane amount of snow and for the first time in ages it was the thick, wet, packing almost what you would imagine North Pole snow to be like. Of course living in Canada I am very used to the snow and Toronto on any given year can be on the receiving end of the lake effect. Fortunately most of the time it hits America’s armpit; also known as Buffalo. Speaking of which you know who I’m going for in the Superbowl? Who cares; I’m working. But my love will certainly be cheering for the Giants.

Can anybody guess how my day started? Stock, Remi and Demi of course. Didn’t take long to figure that one out I hope. As I was doing this I also was doing the receiving for the day. First the grouper came in; “But where is the monk fish I asked?” Later was the answer. For some reason snow turns this city into a well congested mess. Delay. Delay. Delay. But the monk fish did come in the afternoon so no harm no foul. Then came the dairy and frozen goods. Lots of them. 3 cases whipped cream, 2 cases butter, and the brunch items for Sunday, you get the idea.

Then came the bread and the veggies. We consume a ridiculous amount of vegetables. Far more than any of you would think. Our order generally fills two or three type written pages with everything from Butternut Squash, Herbs and Tomatoes to Baby Carrots, Baby Beets and Fennel. It crosses the spectrum of everything that you could imagine. And we use it very quickly.

Looking at the function sheets for tomorrow I saw an event at 11 and another later. So it is time to do the prep. I know to all of you prep must sound boring but really it is an opportunity to get your Mise en Place correct, get much needed practice in the fine art of your knife work (I am getting better at brunoise) and get a feel for the amounts that are needed for various sizes of functions. The one starting in the morning is for 60 adults and 12 kids. There is a lot of prep involved for an event like this. But as I said it gives me the opportunity to learn new things and get better at things I’ve already been shown.

Obviously as service was going to be relatively slow tonight (though much better than expected) due to the snow storm it gave me time to do all kinds of prep. It has been snowing now for a full twenty-four hours. This allowed me to learn how to prepare new dishes for functions. Get better at telling when the demi is ready to be taken off the stove and refrigerated. I got to prepare the Bruschetta today which meant practicing my brunoise with something even hard than an onion or shallot. A TOMATO. And it truly did help my knife skills as I started to feel a bit more confidant though still fairly slow. But a great beginning at a very difficult skill. Moreover, once I had finished (or so I thought) I had chef taste it. It took a couple of seasonings but finally; “Perfect!” I didn’t quite pat myself on the back but it did feel good to hear that from Exec Chef.

Just as I had asked Exec Chef to identify his main influence I asked Head Chef today. Without skipping a beat he said Marco Pierre White. I only now found out about Marco Pierre White (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marco_Pierre_White) I asked why and Head Chef simply answered that he was a hard ass. I took it at par at that moment but after researching when I got home. Come on, 3 Michelin Stars at 33. Shiiiiiiiit! Someone worth delving further into to be sure. He has a picture in one of his book of Gordon Ramsay crying in one of his kitchen. GORDON RAMSAY crying! Shiiiiiit!

I then learned how to make Truffle scented Aioli. Ah, yes please. Incidentally did any of you realize that the reason that pigs and dogs can be trained to find Truffles is because it gives off a scent that is identical to their olfactory senses as that of the pheromones of their partners? No wonder those little buggers dig and dig and dig. I mean I would too. Wouldn’t you? Not to mention the fact that the prize they find can cost up to $200 for a single Truffle. I’m sure for the herders it is a pretty good return on investment. But back to the Aioli. It is far more complicated than it seems. I could get into the minutiae but as I said before in an earlier post I do not want to betray any of the secrets that the Chefs have. If you’re really curious about the generalities of it you can go here; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aioli. I had always thought that Aioli was from Italy but as I learned last week it is actually from Provence. And have any of you even wondered why the French became so dependant on sauces; Bueller, Bueller – Quite simply their food sucked ASS (perhaps the reason French women are so skinny?) so they needed to mask it. Naturally it has gotten better with time as have their sauces but that is the original reason. After making the “perfect” seasoned and tasting Aioli (YES!) I moved onto a mango infused Aioli. Again not easy and again “well done!” Double YES!

I then did some more prep work for the function and then started doing a thorough scrub down of the kitchen. C could easily tell anyone that one thing I hate is cleaning. The vacuum cleaner sends me running faster than a Cheetah after an Antelope (or Coyote after Road Runner)S and generally I don’t like cleaning. I think it is a throw back to my childhood but I can’t be certain. At any rate, cleaned the prep stove, range and convection oven. Thoroughly cleaned the underside of the station table as well as the bins for flour, salt flour and sugar. Again I hate cleaning but not nearly as much as I love my new path. Then we deck scrubbed the floor and mopped it. A long day but after completion Head Chef gave the prop fist and said on you go. Had it been busy I would still be there. Right about now cleaning so I guess I also had a bit, an itsy bitsy little bit of a snow day bump.

I hope that everyone’s day was as inspired, beautiful and rich as mine. If not tomorrow is another day. Shoot for the stars. If I can do this you too can do anything you want. What are you afraid of? What are you waiting for?

There is an old Punjabi proverb that says; “Eat moderately, walk on the straight path, and you needn’t worry.” Now how true is that! I leave it with you. Talk amongst yourselves.

Be well and laugh… It helps!

SDM