Last Few Days at Reservation (file under “Great Success”)

So from the title of this post I am quite certain that you all have gathered that I did decide to move on from Reservation. I value my time there and plan on writing today a summary of my experience there.

It was a heart wrenching decision to move on from Reservation. I considered not only the time that I had spent there but also what I knew the next few months would look like. I am very motivated to live up to the goal that I made for myself and felt that every moment I spent not working toward that goal was if not a wasted opportunity at the very least standing in the way of my progression.

I looked at the next few months as we are coming into a very busy season and saw that after working all summer on the grill that I was going to have to continue working the function stuff until the New Year. As such after great personal consideration and soul searching I decided to turn in my resignation. It was not an easy decision but I feel it was the one that I had to make as it was right for me.

Turning in my letter was no less difficult. I could not find the right time. I asked both Director of Operations and Executive Chef numerous times if they had a moment to talk and without having had that conversation I felt uneasy turning in my letter. It took me two days longer to turn it in than I wanted and when I did I had no choice I could not wait to talk to either of them if I wanted to maintain my professionalism. As such on Sunday, November 26, 2008 I tendered my resignation to the General Manager as I was leaving for the evening.

Even as I started on my way home I lit a cigarette and started second guessing myself. Did I make the right decision? Was this really a case of thinking that the grass was greener or was it truly a case of moving for the right reason at the right time? All the questions that arise when one has had to make a serious and life altering decision. Ultimately, as more time has passed (and I have now left Reservation) I know that I made the right decision. It was a necessary decision in order to be consistent with who I am and what I am trying to achieve.

Executive Chef and I got to have a conversation about it two days after I tendered it. Sous Chef A told me to finish what I was doing and then to go in and speak with him. I was nervous. I thought I was going to get a tongue lashing. In fact I got something that was beautiful and made me feel good.

As I sat down in the office Executive Chef asked me about the letter. I explained to him why I had come to the decision. Explaining that I could not wait to be given more responsibility and an opportunity to work the line as I felt I was stagnant and did not want to be. I explained that this was a feeling that I had had for a while and that I recognized the reasons that it was this way making no judgment, merely observation.

We sat and spoke for about half an hour during which time Executive Chef gave me sage like advice and pointed me in a direction to my own personal greatness. I am indebted to him for everything he taught me both about the culinary world and beyond. I value his opinion and his person and know that we have developed a friendship that will last a lifetime.

As I have written about before on this blog sometimes my mouth can get me into trouble. It is something that I have been actively working on and know that in this coming year I will improve even more. Executive Chef reminded me that ferme la bouche is important for me. That I had to listen, to produce, to work. That the stresses that were going to be placed on me in my new job were going to be very real. I thanked him for his observation, advice and the opportunity to work with him and Director of Operations. I said that I felt I would like to return when I could be of more use to the restaurant.

As our conversation came to an end Executive Chef took his ten commandments off the wall and signed them. As he handed them to me he said; “Because you are going to be famous.” I was taken aback at his compliment and his candour. He told me that it would be a good exercise to record the way that peoples demeanour changed toward me as a result of my decision for the next little while. As such I will give a brief synopsis here.

It was almost immediate the initial change toward me. I felt spite in my direction. I felt an animosity that I had rarely if ever felt in my life (specifically from Chef J). And it was difficult for me to place why. To my mind I was a great employee who had shown up every day and given his all. I had bled, slept on the floor, worked forty seven hours straight, etc. I had done everything I could to live up to my promise and I felt as if it was all for not with the way Chef J was treating me.

Specifically, on one night I had gotten to work at 8 am. I had worked all day fast and hard and had gotten us extremely far ahead. Despite all this Chef J decided to keep me there to help him. So I walked over to the kitchen he was working in and asked what I could do for him. To which he responded nothing. So I went back to the kitchen and finished up what I was doing. I told Chef B and Sous Chef A that there was nothing he wanted me to do. After a few minutes I told both of them that I recognized I was being kept there out of spite and nothing more. They both recognized that my observation was probably true. Nonetheless I walked back over to Chef J’s kitchen and asked if there was anything I could do. He curtly handed me a bottle and said; “Fill this with wine.” Begrudgingly I did just that and returned. When I did he handed me another bottle and asked me to fill it with oil. This went on a couple more times before I became angry. Before I felt that my contribution was nothing more than a body and it made me angry. This only went on for a few more minutes before I was allowed to punch out.

On the way home that night I felt irate. I felt annoyed. Upset. In retrospect I am glad that I didn’t write about it at the time because it would have been filled with vitriol and spite. The feeling did not last and neither did my spiteful treatment by Chef J. In fact, after that incident I didn’t want to even speak with Chef J but I decided largely due to input from Chef B and Sous Chef A that I was just going to keep being me and doing my job. After that decision everything became easier for me.

I did take the time to speak to L before I made the decision. He pointed out that if I stayed I would be a Chef in a couple of years. He wanted me to stay. It was clear. What was not clear was whether it was because we were coming into function season. However, I will say that when I made the decision L did understand and wished me all the best.

I had wanted to speak with Sous Chef A about my decision before I made it. We went outside and he asked me a few questions. I told him that I had wanted to speak with him and pointed out times that I had tried to. At that point I think he recognized (speculation) that I had tried and he then understood.

Everyone wanted to know about where I was going. Almost all of them understood why. Even front of house staff. I think the one thing that I took away from all of it is that everyone was going to miss me for a variety of reasons. All wished me well in my endeavours and asked me not to be a stranger.

On my second last day I finished work at the height of rush hour and ran over to our sister restaurant and asked the manager if it would be okay for me to have dinner there to which he responded of course. So I punched out and ran over for dinner. In my street clothes I asked for permission to enter the kitchen and asked both Sous Chef J and Chef S if it would be okay for me to have dinner. Both said of course and asked what I would like. I said surprise me and sure enough they did.

As I sat there drinking my Vodka 7 Sous Chef J came out (as he did with every course which I thought was both incredible and a nice touch of class) with my amuse bouche. It was a scallop ceviche that was delightful. This was followed by a house made French onion soup that was delightful. Next was an oxtail shepherds pie with garlic mash potatoes. A round of oysters that were absolutely terrific followed this. Finally I had a cheese course that was the perfect end to a treat of a meal. I have pictures for all of these but I don’t have my cell phone right now. When I do I will put them up.

My last couple of days I had a lot of spare time as I had really worked my tail off. As such I spent the time closing down (finally) the Grill. I transported and cleaned the grill, fryer and bread warmer that is now going to be transformed into a smoker. I perfectly cleaned the garbage area to the point that you could see the pavement. Something that I had not seen in my entire time there. I also cleaned the BBQ area at our restaurant. One of the things that I have always done at Reservation (and indeed life) is take on unglamorous jobs and done them to my best ability. Taking pride in my work and making sure that I set the bar high for the next person to do it.

My final day was last Thursday. We had a big function for 200 but we were in great shape and it was not going to be long. Chef J decided to have me carving (shocking). He did say a little tongue in cheek that he didn’t want me to leave with a bad taste in my mouth to which I laughed and understood.

As the function ended we worked on my final clean up of Reservations kitchen. I walked out to the General Manager and asked if I could buy a bottle of champagne. He said of course. I grabbed the bottle and walked into the back and opened it. Director of Operations and all the Chefs and my colleagues were there. I poured out the appropriate number of glasses and thanked DOP for the opportunity to work there. I recognized that they had taken a chance on me and said that I hoped that he felt I had delivered to his expectations. I thanked him and everyone else there for everything they had done for me and that I would miss them all. I especially looked at L and nodded my head right before I lifted my glass and said; “To all of us!”

It was a beautiful way to leave. It made me feel good. I left on my terms. On good terms. And had made friends that I am sure will last a lifetime. And not only that I know that I have maintained a relationship that will last beyond the kitchen.

This was how my time ended at Reservation. It was beautiful. And over the next day I would have at least twelve hours to think back on my experience and to analyze everything that was now going on in my life as I was on my way to New York City to see my fiancé C by train. I got comfortable with Harold McGee and set out for NYC at 8 am the next morning.

All in all I am glad I made the decision that I did. I know I still have much to learn. This will always be true. But now I look at it and acknowledge that I have made a decision, again a selfish one, that will aid me in getting to my goal. Life is going to get very interesting over the next few months as I take on more responsibility and start working the line.

I think the following quotes sum up best what I am feeling right now;

Albert Einstein once said “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”

Conrad Hilton; “Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.”

Goethe; “I find the great thing in this world is, not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”

I want to thank everyone at Reservation for their guidance, their tutelage, their friendship and their spirits. I will take it all with me as I move on to my new position and in fact as I move forward to become a great Chef.

Are you dreaming big and inspired? Are you making the tough decisions that mark the truth in your life? Are you ready?
A la prochaine

SDM