Now is the Winter of Our Discontent (file under Lessons)

In his great work, “The Old Man and the Sea,” Hemingway’s opening line is; “He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.” This is sort of how I feel right now.

I went for the follow up meeting at Reservation today. And in many ways it was a great meeting. In others it was a massive blow to my ego and my spirit. Perhaps intellectually arrogantly I believed that Executive Chef was going to allow me to come back to Reservation. I believed that my service to Reservation had been such that I would be given the opportunity to come back.

Meeting with Executive Chef in the dining room we had a brief conversation. Perhaps ten minutes or so. He asked why he should allow me to come back and I explained as best I could the reasons I thought that I should be allowed to come back. We bantered back and forth for a few minutes and then a brief pause and he looked me squarely in the eye and quietly, almost imperceptibly said; “No.” Another person might have misunderstood what was meant by the no but it was immediately clear to me, that, for my own good, and the good of my dream, he was not going to allow me to come back. Naturally I asked if there was any way that I could change his mind and he let me know that there was not.

He expressed to me, quite plainly, that I should go and find myself a European Chef. That I should find either in a hotel, or elsewhere, a Chef that would put me on his brigade and teach me in the old world style. He said that I need to be uncomfortable and that my coming back to Reservation would do nothing to enhance either his kitchen or my dream. That instead, by reaching out to a top European Chef, either in a hotel or otherwise, that I could learn in an environment which was better suited to my needs. I appreciated what he said. And the advice that he gave me. He also made it clear that I was welcome to use him as a reference and that if called he would give an exceptional reference.

I have to tell you at first I was really upset. I still kind of am. But I understand what he is trying to do and appreciate fully his not taking me back. In the long run of my dream, I think he is doing me a great service and not a disservice. That does not however take away from the hurt I now feel. But again, after sober thought, I am sure that his point of view will prevail in my own mind.

That does not for a moment take away from the fact that I wish I could go back.



My use of Hemingway at the beginning is the acknowledgement that by leaving Reservation I have failed to catch a fish. I have failed to find meaning in what I am doing currently and what’s more have failed in finding an environment that will aid me in the pursuit of my dream.

Does it suck? Absolutely. But I feel stronger for having attempted to correct my own mistake and I know that there is lots for me to learn from it. I made my bed and now I need to lay in it.

Theodore Roosevelt once said; “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Thank you Chef! I appreciate it.

Are you dreaming big and inspired?

A la prochaine

SDM